Word For The Day, Tuesday, 6/25/02

The Verbivores | 6/25/02 | Teacher

[MissAmericanPie]

Yes, I have, but I would like to have it to print out.

[dixie sass]

rotflm o

[WhyisaTexasgirlinPA]

I have C11....... it is so funny.........my evil MIL was a judge once, and all she did was brag about doing it, until she actually did - then all she did was bitch about it....... lol

Had I known (and I should have guessed) I would have asked someone to give her some extra hot chili! lol

[TheGrimReaper]

Laura Ingraham Leads FRiva Las Vegas Speakers!!!

Be still my ossified parts!

[christine]

Notes From An Inexperienced Chili Taster Named FRANK, a Canadian who was

visiting Texas:

Recently I was honored to be selected as an outstanding famous celebrity in

Texas, to be a judge at a chili cook-off, because no one else wanted to do

it. Also the original person called in sick at the last moment, and I

happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking directions to the

beer wagon when the call came. I was assured by the other two judges

(Native Texans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy, and besides, they

told

me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted.

Here are the scorecards from the event.....

Chili # 1: Mike's Maniac Mobster Monster Chili

JUDGE ONE: A little too heavy on tomato. Amusing kick.

JUDGE TWO: Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.

FRANK: Holy shit, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried

paint from your driveway with it.

Took me two beers to put the flames out. Hope that's the worst one. These

Texans are crazy.

Chili # 2: Arthur's Afterburner Chili

JUDGE ONE: Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight Jalapeno tang.

JUDGE TWO: Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be take seriously.

FRANK: Keep this out of reach of children! I'm not sure what I am

supposed to taste besides pain. I had

to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had

to walkie-talkie in 3 extra beers when they saw the look on my face.



Chili # 3: Fred's Famous Burn Down the Barn Chili

JUDGE ONE: Excellent firehouse chili! Great kick. Needs more beans.

JUDGE TWO: A beanless chili, a bit salty, good use of red peppers.

FRANK: Call the EPA, I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I

have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Barmaid

pounded me on the back; now my backbone is in the front part my chest. I'm

getting shit-faced.

Chili # 4: Bubba's Black Magic

JUDGE ONE: Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.

JUDGE TWO: Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or

other mild foods, not much of a chili.

FRANK: I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste

it. Sally, the bar maid, was standing behind me with fresh refills; that

300lb. bitch is starting to look HOT, just like this nuclear waste I'm

eating.

Chili # 5: Linda's Legal Lip Remover

JUDGE ONE: Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding

considerable kick. Very impressive.

JUDGE TWO: Chili using shredded beef; could use more tomato. Must admit

the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.

FRANK: My ears are ringing, and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted

and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended

when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my

tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from a pitcher. It

really

chokes me that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Fuck those

rednecks!

Chili # 6: Vera's Very Vegetarian Variety

JUDGE ONE: Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spice

and peppers.

JUDGE TWO: The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic.

Superb.

FRANK: My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous,

sulfuric flames. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that slut

Sally. I need to wipe my ass with a snow cone!

Chili # 7: Susan's Screaming Sensation Chili

JUDGE ONE: A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.

JUDGE TWO: Ho Hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of

chili peppers at the last moment. I should note that I am worried about Judge

Number 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing

uncontrollably.

FRANK: You could put a fucking grenade in my mouth, pull the fucking pin,

and I wouldn't feel a damn thing. I've lost the sight in one eye, and the

world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili

which slid unnoticed out of my fucking mouth. My pants are full of lava-like

shit to match my goddamn shirt. At least during the autopsy they'll know

what killed me. I've decided to stop breathing, it's too painful. Fuck it,

I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in

through the

fucking 4 inch hole in my stomach.

Chili # 8: Mount Saint Helen's Chili

JUDGE ONE: A perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili, safe for all, not

too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.

JUDGE TWO: This final entry is a good, balanced chili, neither mild nor

hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge Number 3 passed out,

fell and pulled the chili pot on top of himself. Not sure if he's going to

make it. Poor Canuck.

[MissAmericanPie]

Too funny, a little different from the one I read, can't wait to take it to work.

[.30Carbine]

Not since 2001. This is not so bad when you consider it's only 2044 now.

Has anything started to ossify yet as a result? You understand that I am newly married, so I must ask these things.

[TxBec]

nope

[TxBec]

Morning Y'all..

[xsmommy]

morning you subversive latino-type, who has infiltrated our borders and is sucking up valuable resources that REAL AMURICANS should get....

[TxBec]

aint it turribal?

[xsmommy]

i loved billthedrill's fujimori remark on that thread! how hysterical!

[TxBec]

me too. :)

[hobbes1]

Tx, xs says she prefers Gay Sean Hannity to tarzan...You?

[hobbes1]

Ladies, see above ...Same question.

[xsmommy]

ok when you said Tarzan i thought you meant

[hobbes1]

Check this out. Wish I would've been watching NBC, instead of the WB11 morning News...

[hobbes1]

I can't see the porn you just posted.

[Slip18]

Thanks, LP. We are back. We were very, very careful about setting any kind of fire going up there. We were about 25 miles from the monster which is still spreading up there.

President Bush was marvelous yesterday taking time out of his busy schedule to meet with Governor Hull and the firefighters. It's not going to be a good week for the firefighters. Our high is going to be 113 for the rest of the week.

[TxBec]

ROFL!!!