Posted on 03/31/2002 2:36:11 PM PST by petuniasevan
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| By Felicia Rudd |
All too often in this world, we turn a blind eye to those who could use a helping hand. Now, I'm no saint, but I just can't look away when I see people who need help. Like, if a couple on the street is having an argument, I'll step in and try to help them resolve their issues. More often than not, the couple is so stunned by the caring and concern shown by a total stranger that they completely forget whatever it was they were fighting about.
While my humanitarian streak extends to all aspects of life, there's one particular area I consider my specialty: child-rearing. Hardly a day goes by when I don't come across a struggling parent who could use some of my advice.
When most people see a woman screaming at her 3-year-old to keep quiet, their impulse is to look away and mind their own business. "This doesn't concern me," they rationalize. Well, unlike these people, I realize that we're all connected. Instead of turning away, I'd approach this woman and say, "Excuse me, but I couldn't help but notice you having some parenting difficulties. Maybe you should consider getting a toy or something to keep your daughter occupied. Not only would it keep her from upsetting passersby with her shrieking, but a play object would be a boon to her motor-skills development."
Why do I help this woman when so many others would choose to pretend it's not happening? Because I know it takes a village to raise a child.
Even though I've never had kids, I've been around enough of them to know what to do—and what not to do. But despite my expertise, some mothers are surprisingly resistant to my advice. This stubbornness is unfortunate, as it's the child who loses out. I know if I were a mother who didn't know what she was doing, I would welcome the helpful advice of a knowledgeable stranger.
Take, for example, the mother I recently saw giving her child a Hi-C drink box. Concerned that she mistakenly thought Hi-C was made with real fruit juice, I told her that it's largely artificial. Sadly, she felt threatened by my superior parenting skills and told me to "get lost." I assured her that it was an understandable mistake for her to think Hi-C was real fruit juice. The product's box, after all, deceptively features a bevy of oranges, apples, and grapes. I told her not to feel bad or embarrassed and then gently advised her to read labels more carefully in the future. "Anything called a 'fruit drink' or 'juice cocktail' is probably only 5 or 10 percent juice, at most," I told her. "So you should really try to avoid those."
Instead of thanking me for the free advice, this woman showered me with invective and urged me to "get my own damn kids." Did my generous offer of help really warrant such hostility? (Keep in mind that I repeatedly assured her that this one error did not make her a bad parent.) Things only got worse when I helpfully pointed out that maybe if she could better manage her temper, her kids would probably grow up more well-adjusted.
It's kind of strange, but once you realize that most people could use a little common-sense advice to help raise their children, you start seeing it almost everywhere. About a month ago, I was strolling through the neighborhood and saw a woman letting her children run around the yard in clothes that looked like they hadn't been washed in a week. So I told this woman that even if a parent doesn't have enough money for spanking-new clothes, it's still easy to maintain a neat appearance with regular clothes-washing. Next thing you know, it's raining F-bombs.
Even though she was threatening to call the police to get me off her lawn, I bet she's going to make sure her children will be a little more presentable in public in the future. As long as that's the case, I'm happy to be yelled at. It's all about doing what's best for the little ones.
The only advice I want to give parents with kids when they are screaming in the supermarket..is "Are you going to shut him up or do you want me too."
Didn't look at the source until I'd finished reading the story.
Taken straight from the riley1992 handbook of parenting.
That being said, there are many nosy, butinski types of folks out there, who think they know it all...I ran into one of these folks many years ago, and if her boyfriend had not wisely removed her from the situation, she might be sporting a permanently lopsided head...here is what happened...
My mom was in the middle stages of Alzheimers, and I had been taking care of her in her home, in California, with my hubby back in Washington running our home and taking care of our son, who was a teen-ager...I spent most of my time for a few years caring for mom, with sporadic trips home to Washington...
Finally, we made the decision to move her up to Washington, buy a bigger house, so we could care for her in our own home, and she would be with her family...
So we loaded up her house, my hubby driving the Ryder Truck and I loaded mom and her dog into the van, and off we went for the big move...
Any kind of changes upset the elderly, but its especially difficult for Alzheimers patients...mom was pretty irritable about the move...when we got to a rest stop, I took mom to the bathroom, and on the way back to the van, mom saw some people(This nosy dame and her trucker boyfriend), and I guess she thought she would bend their ear about her plight...so to attract their attention, she threw herself down in the grass right in front of them, and started yelling and screaming...
My husband and I had to pick mom up, and forcefully escort her back to the van...this dame shouted out to us 'Well, if you werent so mean to her, she wouldnt act up like that'...
Well, I was just stunned...I had been taking excellent loving care of my mother, for the last few years, my family had willingly sacrificed to accomodate her, and we were moving her up to live with us, not dump her in a nursing home....Well, I let loose with a string of expletives, that I did not realize I was capable of uttering....and then I had to urge to leap at her, and strangle her...at which point her boyfriend wisely grabbed her by the arm, and told her to mind her own business, and dragged her to his truck....
Unfortunately, there are probably many more like her out there, those who think they can understand a situation, they have never experienced and wont hesitate to offer their advice, wanted or not...
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