Why do men cheat on their wives?

Ask Dr Gaylen ^

[Hillary's Lovely Legs]

do  Why Do Men Cheat on Their Wives?

QUESTION:  

My husband is very much a flirt. Because of this as well as numerous other reasons, I think my husband is having an affair. I don?t think I am lust being paranoid. Please give me some help in understanding why men cheat, because I don?t think it is just me.   

  ANSWER:  

Your dilemma is one that is all too common. You are probably right when you say that it is not ?just me.?  It takes two to make a marriage or break a   marriage, and it takes two to have an affair. The fact that he has always been ?a flirt? suggests that, at one time, he was that way with you. You probably responded in a way that made him feel special, wanted, and needed, and reinforced his flirting behavior. This ties in with

 the first and main reason why men have affairs: to feed  their ego. The problem with us males is that feeling good about ourselves, or meeting our ?ego needs,? is our primary goal in life. Therefore, the first reason why men get involved in affairs is that it feeds their egos.

   The second reason is what we call ?misplaced anger.? For example lets consider the husband who is really mad at his wife for whatever reason. He may have an affair with some other woman as a way of making his wife ?pay. ? Instead of directing his anger toward her (which he may be afraid to do), or expressing the anger in a way that will help the relationship change, he just has sex with some other woman This action then feeds his ego (because someone else wants him), so he now feels good (physically and emotionally) and he doesn?t feel as angry with his wife. In his anger, he has made her pay.

   The third reason why men have affairs is boredom. The Bible (Proverbs 9:1 7) tells us  ?stolen melons are the sweetest,  stolen apples taste the best.?  In modem times this means that the ?grass is greener on the other side of the fence.? ?If I don?t have enough excitement in my life, I will create some.?

5 Reasons Why Men Cheat
on Their Wives

       1.  LOSS OF EGO
             A man?s primary need is to feel good about
             himself.  When he doesn?t he finds ways to
             meet this primary goal .

       2.   MISPLACED ANGER
              He may be angry at his wife but, rather
              than  deal with problem, he has an affair to
              ? make her pay?  

        3.   BOREDOM 
              Affairs are rarely boring; they tend to be
              exciting and full of life. Even the fear of
              getting caught causes excitement.  

        4.   ESCAPE FROM EMOTIONAL PAIN  
              The male sex drive provides a distraction
               or ?vacation? from emotional pain.  

      5.   NEED FOR NURTURE & INTIMACY
               If these needs are being met, men have
               no need to look elsewhere

 Children who are raised in alcoholic homes, for example, become what we refer to as ?adult children of alcoholics.? One key characteristic is that they become easily bored with life should it become too ?stable.?  
Children in alcoholic homes are raised with nothing being stable. As adults, they are then more comfortable in an unstable environment than in a stable one. This is why they become ?bored? and actually create chaos - because it is what is most familiar or comfortable to them. We all tend to repeat our past, whether that is a positive past or a negative past. If it was unstable then, we feel most comfortable in creating an unstable one now. 

The fourth reason why men have affairs is to escape emotional pain. Our sex drive is the second strongest drive within us -second only to self-preservation. Sex therefore can easily be used as a strong distraction from some emotional pain we do not want to feel. Few things in life are more intense than fulfilling this sex drive with a climax or orgasm. For this reason, a man can use sex as a way to distract him from emotional pain, like problems at home or work. It feels good to him physically, and he gets a vacation from the rest of his feelings of hurt and pain. This is why pornography is a multi-billion dollar industry. He can receive instant gratification just by looking at a magazine, the Internet, a video, etc., and have a secondary benefit of taking a vacation from some internalized emotional pain. 

The fifth reason is the desire for nurture and intimacy. A recent study from the Florida State University found that premature babies who were massaged by their mothers on a regular daily basis developed physically 60% faster than those who did not receive this extra ?touching.? We all need human touch. It is a special form of nurture. When men don?t feel nurtured and cared for by their wives, they will seek it elsewhere. Everyone, males and females need to be nurtured with touch.

[discostu]

I forgot, table dances are cheaper in Tucson (a friend of mine that travels a lot and samples the bars says Tucson has the best babe to dollar ratio he's found).

Well that's it for me tonight, I'll check in on the thread in the morning, though I might not reply until after the daytimers go away.

[Don Myers]

Yeah, goodnight to all. I have another noon to midnight shift tomorrow. Everyone, have a good night. Hilliary and mackattack, try to be nice to each other. Nite.

[Dawgsquat]

That's entirely possible. Lack of attention is a marriage killer.

It requires a lot of effort and understanding to make it work. And don't forget patience.

[Hillary's Lovely Legs]

If you still feel the need to cheat, then you should get a divorce and allow a good women to find a REAL MAN !!!

My gosh, this should be in every home in America!!!

Bravo, my friend, bravo!

[Canticle_of_Deborah]

Wow:) Words for the wise.

[proust]

BTTT

[Askel5]

Again, if kids are involved, that is another story.

You and others KEEP saying this.

If you're getting married, chances are good you're going to be having sex with that person.

Unless one of you -- by chance or by desire -- has ended up infertile or purposefully sterilized, you will run the risk at some point of conceiving.

First, No birth control is perfect.

Second ... regardless our ability to gloss over the Essential function of sex that is procreation
-- even as we pin the fault for our infidelities on our Evolving Animal Nature(s), pretending for a moment the point of animal sex is not reproduction but consensual thrill of profound intimacy, in and out of Heat or Season --
the fact is that sex is not just a lot of fun and a constant distraction, it's actually a means of bringing forth a whole new human being.

So, save for the failsafe arrangement that is infertility, sterility or homosexual sex, children ARE necessarily a consideration and there's really no point in marrying anyone with whom you wouldn't have kids or with whom you couldn't grow old and ("Let's face it fellow bees," say old Bob Dole) dysfunctional.

Unless, of course, you're pro-choice and you can just kill the kid or you're pro-Transformer and intent to use surgery and chemicals to pickle yourself so you can look Lifestyle-ish 'til you drop.

for all the talk of our being apes in pants -- human beings are unique on the planet for being able to choose to obligate themselves.

[fatima]

Prayers for you and wife.

[FreedomFriend]

I find it said that any man or woman would cheat on their spouse. It's very troubling. How could someone cheat on their spouse and not feel any type of remorse. Or, how could anyone bring themself to do it in the first place. I don't understand it.

[Canticle_of_Deborah]

I love your quote on your homepage.

[CyberAnt]

You have a very wise philosophy - and your wife must really appreciate you. I don't think I've ever heard a guy talk about being responsible for his wife not responding to him. My Pastor preaches it though!!

[Hillary's Lovely Legs]

Thank you for your post. I have always appreciated your commitment to pro-life and your ability to express it so well.

[Donzerly lights]

Relax, kid. You're the one taking herself WAY too seriously. You'll realize after twenty years or so that you don't have it ALL figured out now.

[nobdysfool]

Why do women cheat on their husbands?

Why, indeed?.....

My ex cheated on me, that's why she's my ex. She took the love I gave her and trampled it into the dirt in a little game she played to bolster her ego. She was convinced she could seduce any man, and proceeded to test her theory out. She hurt me more deeply than I have ever been hurt by anything, but she never considered that. Now she's married to guy who beats her, and keeps her on a very short leash...in my mind, she got what she deserved, because I treated her with nothing but love, respect, and tenderness, but she apparently didn't think that was enough, or maybe she didn't think she deserved it. Either way, she's worse off than she was with me...and some other woman will be the recipient of my love, respect, and tenderness...whenever I can find one that is ready for it and will return the same in kind. They must be a rare breed, though, because it's been 11 years, and I still haven't found one. Maybe someone could answer that question, too: Why are women so screwed up in the head when it comes to men? Why do they fall for the wrong ones, and then complain that there are no good men left?

We're out here! There are plenty of good men, but many of us are tired of dealing with women whose self-esteem is, on a scale of 1 to 100, in the single digits...