Posted on 02/23/2002 6:23:46 PM PST by Hillary's Lovely Legs
No, it is best you didn't return the accusation. You may still discover the truth in time -- if you even care to. But psychological warfare is a much more satisfying revenge.
Mwahahahahahaha . . . Not that I've done it myself, mind you. ;)
A person needs to feel loved. Thus picture a love tank if you will. If it is full, there is no desire to look elsewhere. To keep that tank full, one's spouce should know how to express love to their spouce in a manner that they acknowledge. Thus one needs to know their spouce's love language.
There is five basic love languages.
1. Quality time
2. Acts of Service
3. Physical Touch
4. Words of Affirmation
5. Gifts
Usually a person has one main love language and possibly a secondary love language. If you are not doing the love language that is recognised by your spouce as love, you are wasting your time.
The trick is to determine your spouces love language, and if you care for them (and you should) you do their love language and "fill" their love tank full. Thus they feel loved and don't think of other immoral means to try and substitute love in their lives.
Example: if one's spouce's LL(love language) is quality time, then you need to turn off the tv and spend time with them one on one with your 100% attention. The crave it and it speaks love to them.
But.... if one spouce is not a quality time person and the other spouce tries to express love with such, they will in effect smoother that person and acually obtain the opposite objective. I am not a quality time person, but my wife is, I know I have to take time to express my love for her by giving her special time, she needs it to feel loved.
If ones's love language is "Words of Affirmation". Then a word or two truthfully express about how good they do something makes a world of difference. This is my LL and my wife does a good job of telling me how proud she is of me because I do certain things for her and the family. I could live a good week on an Honest good compliment.
If ones's LL is gifts. You will notice they are usually the ones that are constantly give you things. You know the type, you can't outgive them. They do it cause that is what they know as expressing love to others and they need a small token of love expressed back at them to feel loved. They are reaching out when they give. You con't have to outgive and it does not have to be something expensive, perhaps an extra icecream cone when you go to the store. A little trinket that caught your eye that you know they collect. Just something... says a whole lot of love to them.
Perhaps their LL is "Acts of Service". Then doing a chore for them every now and zen means the world for them. Perhaps jumping in and helping with the dishes will fill that Love Tank to overflowing. If they are overflowing with love, they just might be more than willing to do some loving back in a manner you appreciate.
Lastly there is "Physical Touch". Men ofter think this is surely what theirs must be. But often they are decieving themselves. Physical touch could be as simple as goosing them when you pass by them. Perhaps a bunch of hugs during the day. Yes and it could mean sex of course. But often men think this would be their LL, but in reality, if their true LL is "words of affirmation" and the wife is saying something like "when are you going to take that garbage out, you know it ain't going out the door by itself" then they often are so frustrated they are not in the mood to be nice back to the wife. One knows sex is a multy level experience and for it to be good, it helps not to feel empty inside. If your love tank is empty, then your sex is probable lacking also.
Take time to read your spouces LL and start expressing it. It's rewards are beyond a divorce.
LOW OiL
I am very lucky that I have a great wife and would never think of cheating, but, I have a friend or two who would be better off without thier hags, if not for kids being involved.
Perhaps with your name, this might make sense. Consider a bipartite graph with partitions M and W with M being the men who cheat and W the women who cheat. Clearly, |M|>|W|, but the handshaking lemma gives that the average cheating woman cheats with much more men than vice versa.
Or, to put it bluntly, sluts.
For example (my situation... and yes I'm still faithful), I've had a very difficult marriage... because my wife has failed many aspects of the marriage contract. Sure, she's been faithful... but she has made my life hell... I'd rather she cheated than be as nasty as she is at times.
And yes, I was close to divorcing her... when she got cancer. Out of loyalty, honor and compassion I'm still married to someone I'd rather not be married to... Oh and I should mention... I haven't had conjugal relations in a long time (and I'm fairly young) So if I cheat in the future out of sheer human desperation ... does that make me a monster? According to you it does. I guess I have no right to have any happiness in my life.
Who decided that marriage vows have nothing to do with sex? Does just one party in a marriage get to make this decision any time HE feels like it?
Low Oil
Here here. Actually most people get the equation backwards. Step one to good sex is a good relationship. Mind that's a completely different kind of "good" than Cosmo talks about, but I've had both, good relationship sex is the better of the two.
I agree, if men are looking into trying to read their spouce's mind, they can find no better start than that book. (other than the Bible).
Thanks for your comment Golden
Low Oil
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