Why do men cheat on their wives?

Ask Dr Gaylen ^

[Hillary's Lovely Legs]

do  Why Do Men Cheat on Their Wives?

QUESTION:  

My husband is very much a flirt. Because of this as well as numerous other reasons, I think my husband is having an affair. I don?t think I am lust being paranoid. Please give me some help in understanding why men cheat, because I don?t think it is just me.   

  ANSWER:  

Your dilemma is one that is all too common. You are probably right when you say that it is not ?just me.?  It takes two to make a marriage or break a   marriage, and it takes two to have an affair. The fact that he has always been ?a flirt? suggests that, at one time, he was that way with you. You probably responded in a way that made him feel special, wanted, and needed, and reinforced his flirting behavior. This ties in with

 the first and main reason why men have affairs: to feed  their ego. The problem with us males is that feeling good about ourselves, or meeting our ?ego needs,? is our primary goal in life. Therefore, the first reason why men get involved in affairs is that it feeds their egos.

   The second reason is what we call ?misplaced anger.? For example lets consider the husband who is really mad at his wife for whatever reason. He may have an affair with some other woman as a way of making his wife ?pay. ? Instead of directing his anger toward her (which he may be afraid to do), or expressing the anger in a way that will help the relationship change, he just has sex with some other woman This action then feeds his ego (because someone else wants him), so he now feels good (physically and emotionally) and he doesn?t feel as angry with his wife. In his anger, he has made her pay.

   The third reason why men have affairs is boredom. The Bible (Proverbs 9:1 7) tells us  ?stolen melons are the sweetest,  stolen apples taste the best.?  In modem times this means that the ?grass is greener on the other side of the fence.? ?If I don?t have enough excitement in my life, I will create some.?

5 Reasons Why Men Cheat
on Their Wives

       1.  LOSS OF EGO
             A man?s primary need is to feel good about
             himself.  When he doesn?t he finds ways to
             meet this primary goal .

       2.   MISPLACED ANGER
              He may be angry at his wife but, rather
              than  deal with problem, he has an affair to
              ? make her pay?  

        3.   BOREDOM 
              Affairs are rarely boring; they tend to be
              exciting and full of life. Even the fear of
              getting caught causes excitement.  

        4.   ESCAPE FROM EMOTIONAL PAIN  
              The male sex drive provides a distraction
               or ?vacation? from emotional pain.  

      5.   NEED FOR NURTURE & INTIMACY
               If these needs are being met, men have
               no need to look elsewhere

 Children who are raised in alcoholic homes, for example, become what we refer to as ?adult children of alcoholics.? One key characteristic is that they become easily bored with life should it become too ?stable.?  
Children in alcoholic homes are raised with nothing being stable. As adults, they are then more comfortable in an unstable environment than in a stable one. This is why they become ?bored? and actually create chaos - because it is what is most familiar or comfortable to them. We all tend to repeat our past, whether that is a positive past or a negative past. If it was unstable then, we feel most comfortable in creating an unstable one now. 

The fourth reason why men have affairs is to escape emotional pain. Our sex drive is the second strongest drive within us -second only to self-preservation. Sex therefore can easily be used as a strong distraction from some emotional pain we do not want to feel. Few things in life are more intense than fulfilling this sex drive with a climax or orgasm. For this reason, a man can use sex as a way to distract him from emotional pain, like problems at home or work. It feels good to him physically, and he gets a vacation from the rest of his feelings of hurt and pain. This is why pornography is a multi-billion dollar industry. He can receive instant gratification just by looking at a magazine, the Internet, a video, etc., and have a secondary benefit of taking a vacation from some internalized emotional pain. 

The fifth reason is the desire for nurture and intimacy. A recent study from the Florida State University found that premature babies who were massaged by their mothers on a regular daily basis developed physically 60% faster than those who did not receive this extra ?touching.? We all need human touch. It is a special form of nurture. When men don?t feel nurtured and cared for by their wives, they will seek it elsewhere. Everyone, males and females need to be nurtured with touch.

[Go Gordon]

I just asked my boyfriend this question, and he said that unless the man thinks that the wife is the best thing in bed that he will ever hope to find, he's going to look for it elsewhere. He said it has nothing to do with anything but sexual quality and quantity, and that all these lables and excuses that we want to make about men cheating is our way of not taking our share of the blame for them losing interest. I think women are unrealistic about men, and unless we are ready to be or become the best ever, and can also manage to hold a conversation, and appreciate men for the wonderful creatures they are, then they will be somewhere else with someone else whenever they can be unless they are fat and ugly and lucky to have anyone at all.

Your beau gave you the 100% straight skinny. All the other philosophical BS reasons stated in the article and other posts are nonsense.

[reagan_fanatic]

Why do men cheat on their wives ...?



Does THIS answer your question??

[kezekiel]

I think women are unrealistic about men, and unless we are ready to be or become the best ever, and can also manage to hold a conversation, and appreciate men for the wonderful creatures they are, then they will be somewhere else with someone else whenever they can be unless they are fat and ugly and lucky to have anyone at all.

I think you're undermatched, honey. Time to trade up.

[Kevin Curry]

Some of us don't. It's been well over 20 years now, and I have not strayed. Neither has she. Fidelity to spouse is non-negotiable.

[ValerieUSA]

Rosie ain't never been no wife.

[ValerieUSA]

I guess that explains why my husband never strayed then.

[Hillary's Lovely Legs]

As we all know, THAT was not every married to a man.

[Cold Heat]

Pretty big age difference. That may have contributed to the problem. Yes, age does not mean maturity.

[AmishDude]

Of course, you know yourself best.

Time does cruel things to relationships. Life will not be all wine and cheese and one brief indiscretion can ruin several lifetimes. I just find it un-gallant of a man to tell his beloved anything but his contempt for the unfaithful and to pledge his undying and unbreakable love.

But that's just me.

[LurkerNoMore!]

with what I am dealing with now in my life.... can I borrow your screen name?

[kezekiel]

Marriage is the creation of "one flesh" from one man and one woman. It is not a continuous sexual bazaar where you're just another item in the market alongside everyone that passes by that day.

Every once and awhile, I have to stop and acknowledge the caliber of thinking and character this site attracts. Well said!

[Dan Day]

Does THIS answer your question??

Gee, thanks, now I need to go rip my eyes out.

[Ajnin]

So a good percentage of our military is without honor?

[LurkerNoMore!]

I forgot to add the "I met her at church" part.....

[Bloody Sam Roberts]

Your reply # 45 is simple, eloquent and is all that need be said to answer the title of this thread.
It says it all. The question has been answered folks. Move on to the next thread.
I salute your strength of character and sense of honor.

[Double Tap]

Sure are alot of newbie freaks showing up tonight.

[Tennessee_Bob]

reason Number Six, The Wife Is a Bitch, in their lists............ ;-)

ROTFLMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Too true!!! Mine was an absolute stone-cold bitch, but I never cheated on her. I got accused of it on a regular basis though. She was certain I was having an affair at one point. So I asked her - "I get up an hour before you do, get the kids up and off to school, get you up after 15 tries, go to work, eat lunch for a half hour, come home, fix dinner, wake you up, feed the family, do some laundry and then go to bed. With that schedule, tell me when I have time to have an affair."

She didn't talk to me for a few days - but when she did, it was to accuse me again.