"Aren’t we all naked at some point?" Nude man emerges from woods, chokes pit bull, threatens owner with imaginary shotgun

notthebee.com ^ | Jun 22, 2026 | Jesse James

[V_TWIN]

A real story out of Massachusetts.

Yes, according to police, 34-year-old Alexander Marano was enjoying a refreshing Sunday morning au naturel on the Ludlow Mills Riverwalk when he allegedly spotted a man walking his 8-year-old pit bull.

I'm not joking about this next part: Marano reportedly charged the pair, threatened the owner with a nonexistent shotgun, and proceeded to choke the dog.

When officers arrived and located the fully naked suspect, Marano helpfully surrendered with his hands up. No weapon was found, but they did recover his clothes, watch, and wallet nearby. Even in a suspected drug-fueled or mental health episode, a man needs his wallet!

Here's where it gets good.

When police asked why Marano was naked, he responded: 'Aren't we all naked at some point?' according to the report.

Yes, we are, Mr. Marano. Yes, we are.

Thankfully, neither the man nor his dog suffered serious injuries. Marano, who reportedly owns a home improvement business, was charged with disorderly conduct, threatening to use a deadly weapon, open and gross lewdness, animal cruelty, and indecent exposure.

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TOPICS: Chit/Chat
KEYWORDS: poordog

[V_TWIN]

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"This might surprise you, but Marano has had prior run-ins with the law, including a recent DUI where he insisted he was a "child of God" while driving on three tires."

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Textbook meth behavior IMO

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[ImJustAnotherOkie]

If I came out of the woods naked, Id get him with my super-soaker.

[ClearCase_guy]

A short-barreled shotgun is a shotgun with a barrel less than 18 inches long or an overall length of less than 26 inches. I’m guessing that this guy’s weapon was under the limit.

[Clay Moore]

Florida man, you have been challenged! Do you accept the challenge?

[left that other site]

The Pitty wasn't doing his JOB.

My Beloved Penny(RIP) would never have allowed a nekkid maniac anywhere NEAR her mama!



"Penny at the Pond", by me.

[Dr. Sivana]

IK would have put my money on the dog to win that one.

[Jet Jaguar]

That’s talent!

[xp38]

M(Ass)man for the win!

[bleach]

Glad it wasn’t a chicken.

[fidelis]

Nude man emerges from woods, chokes pit bull, threatens owner with imaginary shotgun

Oh come on! Like none of you have never done this!

[left that other site]

Thank you kindly! 😁

I’ve had six dogs, but Penny was special.

I’ve had five motorcycles, but my current ride is a 93, and I’ve had it for 32 years.

I wish dogs lived as long as Harleys.

[Jet Jaguar]

I wish they did as well.

[dljordan]

Did they arrest the dogwalker?

[left that other site]

I’ve lived in both FL and MA...and it’s a close competition, I assure you.

MASSman has the advantage over Florida man, because he’s probably a Leftist on top of everything else.

So, yeah. mASSh*le gets the win in this round.

[Mermaid Girl]

So much for the Freeper hysteria about pitbulls.
My Rottie, may the Good Lord rest her sweet soul, would have gone wu tang on any freak trying to hurt anyone (she was a protecter of all.) The irony, when I got her years ago, everyone said she was a killer. She wasn’t, she just liked to make friends and protect those friends with that heck hound bark of hers.

I’m really surprised the pit didn’t stand up — most likely older, inferm, what have you.

But one thing I think we can all agree on — Imaginary Shotgun Control needs to be a thing.

[left that other site]

Me and Blue

When We Were Young...at Antietam Battlefield Park.🌸☔️

ML/LTOS

[logi_cal869]

Gee.

According to the pit bull hating cabal, the man should be dead.

It’s a divine miracle.

/s

[Jet Jaguar]

Very nice!

[Vaquero]

Reason to reopen state mental institutions.

[Opinionated Blowhard]

When police asked why Marano was naked, he responded: 'Aren't we all naked at some point?'

He threatened the neighbor with an imaginary shotgun. Maybe he was in an imaginary shower when he was naked.