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JD Vance Makes Contact With Tribe Of Illiterate, Feral Women
Babylon Bee ^ | June 16, 2026 | Staff

Posted on 06/17/2026 11:19:13 AM PDT by Twotone

NEW YORK, NY — According to sources, Vice President JD Vance stumbled upon an incredible discovery on Tuesday when he made contact with a tribe of illiterate, feral women.

The all-female tribe was discovered in a television studio where anthropologists believe they ate garbage and pretended to put on a show for their pantheon of primitive gods. Their clothing was allegedly a mixture of rags and what appeared to be remnants of the JC Penney Spring Collection.

Vance took copious notes while in their presence, hoping to get his findings to a local university so the tribe could be further studied.

They appear to communicate in a series of shrill cries and moanings too horrific for words. I can barely understand them. And when I do speak, they shriek as if it is forbidden for anyone to question them. I attempted to show them pathways to modern civilization, which they rejected as a form of heresy condemnable by their idol, whom they referred to as 'Barackobama.'

"Somehow, these women — if you can call them women — live in complete and total isolation from reality," Vance said of his experience with the elusive tribe. "They apparently call themselves 'Thavyoo,' which I speculate means something like 'People of the Banshee.'"

Experts previously believed there were no lost tribes remaining anywhere in New York City, because it's a major metropolitan area full of people. But they were wrong.

"To think there was a lost tribe living in Manhattan all this time," said Professor Handley London, a trained anthropologist. "Absolutely incredible. And their crude society has been remarkably preserved."

At publishing time, scientists had advised anyone against interacting with the tribe, warning that they would lash out if challenged on their worldview.


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: babylonbee; jdvance; theview

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1 posted on 06/17/2026 11:19:13 AM PDT by Twotone
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To: Twotone

😁


2 posted on 06/17/2026 11:23:23 AM PDT by Fledermaus ("It turns out all we really needed was a new President!")
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To: Twotone

Illiterate, feral women is a compliment.


3 posted on 06/17/2026 11:26:36 AM PDT by fwdude (Why is there a "far/radical right," but damned if they'll admit that there is a far/radical left)
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To: Twotone

Isolation from reality is the new blanket for security feling.


4 posted on 06/17/2026 11:38:44 AM PDT by Vaduz (NEVER TRUST A DEMOCRAT)
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To: Twotone
"Their clothing was allegedly a mixture of rags and what appeared to be remnants of the JC Penney Spring Collection."

Trashy AND campy - the daily double!

5 posted on 06/17/2026 12:13:26 PM PDT by Psalm 73 ("You'll never hear surf music again" - J. Hendrix)
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To: Twotone

ha


6 posted on 06/17/2026 1:54:09 PM PDT by faithhopecharity ("Politicians aren't born, they're excreted." Marcus Tullius Cicero (106 to 43 BCE))
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