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Posted on 05/12/2026 8:41:43 AM PDT by V_TWIN
ROCKVILLE, MD — Hantavirus has quickly become the biggest viral threat to humanity since COVID and as luck would have it, Dr. Fauci has announced that he has been working on a hantavirus vaccine this entire time. How convenient!
Even though Dr. Fauci announced his retirement from the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases back in 2022, the world suspected that he was still up to something. Now at last, we know what it was saving the world by fortuitously working on a hantavirus vaccine.
"You wouldn't believe it, but I have been working on hantavirus this whole time," said Dr. Fauci as he was pulled out of retirement for one last viral epidemic. "I've been running experiments on how to make hantavirus even more deadly and contagious. But also, I've been patenting the only cure for it. What are the odds?"
Dr. Fauci then cackled maniacally for several minutes before screaming "I am the science!" and demanding people do a little dance he made up. "Stand on one foot," Dr. Fauci instructed reporters. "Now touch your nose. Now pat your head and rub your stomach simultaneously! Good! Good! Now you're getting it!"
At publishing time, Dr. Fauci had announced his retirement again and was last seen heading to his secret underground lair, which is believed to be under an active volcano.
(Excerpt) Read more at babylonbee.com ...
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- I was going to post his picture but I didn’t want to subject everyone to having to look at that little gargoyle
I almost got caught. I was about to write something different.
Much appreciated.
Post the one at poolside...my favorite /s
Tony must have the best security in the world.
In a just world Fauci would be prison cellmates with Xiden doing a life sentence.
I’m so glad he got that AIDS thing all figured out.
I wish this was funny.
You got that right.
Just curious, what kind of sick twisted greedy low-life piece of human excrement would be willing to provide security and if necessary catch a bullet for Fauci?
This is an excellent piece of satire, and fully based in reality we all experienced.
I want to see him get a scorching capital punishment.
Amazingly to me, this is totally believable.
MOW MANY MICE DID HE USE???
HOW MANY MICE DID HE USE???
What about the scarf queen?
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