Posted on 03/28/2026 8:55:29 AM PDT by V_TWIN
JUPITER, FL — The black half of professional golfer Tiger Woods was tased by police at the scene where the Asian half of Tiger Woods had wrecked his car.
Woods' Asian half had just managed to roll his vehicle on its side while driving in a neighborhood, only to exit the car and have his black half get nailed by a taser.
"Tough break there," said CBS commentator Jim Nantz, watching the video. "Tiger needs to let the black half do the driving and the Asian half talk to the police. He could really use a race caddy to help in these situations. You've got to select the right ethnicity for the right situation, and Tiger obviously needs guidance. He needs a professional on the race bag, so to speak."
According to law enforcement, Woods' black half will be charged with resisting arrest while his Asian half will be charged with reckless driving. Legal analysts stated that law enforcement will likely seek to revoke the driver's license for Woods' Asian half for at least one year. "For public safety, we want to ensure that only Tiger's black half is behind the wheel," said Sheriff Marty Granger. "And we advise Tiger to remember from now on to be Asian when interacting with law enforcement."
At publishing time, Kamala Harris had offered to coach Woods on how to switch ethnicities.
Haven’t seen satire that raw since the National Lampoon’s heyday.
🤣
Only the Bee!
That is hilarious.
Tiger has white ancestry on both his father’s side and his mother’s side (hers specifically Dutch)
Most excellent sarcasm in the title!
That is too funny!
Between Newsweek and Time, one describes him as 1/8th black while the other uses 1/4 black.
Dude, that’s hilarious!
The white half was apologizing once he got to the police station.
So you’re saying his grandmother was Dutch?
He doesn’t identify as black...never has.
I wish I wouldn’t have forgotten the picture. 😏
Whatever The Bee is paying their writers, it isn’t enough. Lol!
I don’t know.
We should not forget the Asian part of Tiger is from both Thailand and China.
And he has American indian too.
Holy crap that’s funny.
Reminds me of the joke about the kid with a black father and Jewish mother who can’t decide whether to steal a bike or just talk the seller down on the price.
It has always puzzled me why the media labels him black when they should have labeled him Asian or Oriental if they wanted to make him the first of a particular color to.......
LOL LOL
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