I’m not dancing on a grave nor standing in judgment.
But if I had Rob Reiner money, I’d spend it all trying to save my child.
What am I missing? Anyone have experience? Does there come a point where a parent just gives up?
Well Elon lost his son to the woke mind virus so probably money can’t solve everything.
Once they turn 18, they are out of your control........
You can only save people who want to be saved. Drug addictions often don’t want to get off the drugs.
Adults need to learn to take care of themselves.
I would not help my son who was a drug addict by throwing all my money at him. I would help pay for therapy or rehab, but force him to pay the rest. The addict must have skin in the game, because they have plenty of money to get illegal drugs.
Don’t throw good money after bad.
There comes a point for tough love.
“Does there come a point where a parent just gives up?”
Yes. The point when the child’s behavior is negatively impacting the rest of the family. It’s not a decision easily made I imagine, but it becomes a matter of survival.
He tried multiple times and it failed. You can lead a horse to water... I really enjoyed Rob’s acting and directing. :-(
Once a person becomes an adult it is all but impossible to help him (or her) unless he genuinely wants to be helped. You can't force an adult to get any kind of treatment, medical or mental health. You can't force them permanently into an institution.
If someone does not want help, or refuses to take the steps they need to stay sober, there is a point at which you are enabling the addict. If the son did kill them, i suspect it was because he was told "no."
Mr. Reiner's politics were absymal. But he did direct many fine and apolitical films such as The Sure Thing (1985), Stand by Me (1986), The Princess Bride (1987), When Harry Met Sally (1989), Misery (1990), and A Few Good Men. All of which enriched our culture.
But the death appears to be a tragic act of violence. So I will mourn the loss of talent however misguided and ugly his political views could be.
You can't fix an addict. They have to reach the point where they want to fix themselves.
I'm not gloating either, but I believe that radical liberals and post-modern marxists and their ideologies are in fundamental conflict with happy and stable families. I see it among my own friends and relatives.
They all want kids like Beaver Cleaver, but can't see that everything associated with materialism, anti-Christianity, permissiveness, and cynicism leads children in exactly the opposite direction. Living in Hollywood certainly can't help either.
I tried everything I could to stop my dad from drinking. He refused any/all help. I got physically sick from stress worrying about him. I only started feeling better when I realized that there was literally nothing I could do (if he did not want help).
At best, they then try to offer a safety net for the addict and make help available when a moment of special need arises. Yet such a moment of need rarely leads to hoped for changes. Addicts tend to find therapy intrusive and medications for mental illness dulling and with unpleasant side effects. In contrast, drug use and homelessness offer freedom, easy friendships, and the excitement of illegality and street life.
Dealing with an addicted and mentally ill homeless child is never easy and involves years of recrimination, anger, resentment, and guilt. For the addict, there is also often a spiritual dimension that invites a turn toward deeply evil conduct -- which, for Rob Reiner and his wife, had tragic consequences.
Many parents try to help their adult children, but many addicts refuse help. They will tell their parents they stopped using when they never did. They sometimes disappear, and their parents don't know where they are. (No, I'm not the parent of an addict, but I have close personal experience with people who are.)
Here's the trailer for Reiner's 2015 film Being Charlie that starred his son, Nick. It's about a young man struggling with addiction.
I never saw it, but the whole movie is free on YouTube. The People article quotes Nick as saying he cowrote it and it's semiautobiographical.
Again, I never saw that movie. But, IMHO, the movie Ben Is Back accurately portrays a parent and an addicted young adult child.
Just for the record, I'm not excusing their son for murder. If he's guilty, his addiction is no excuse. I'm only responding to your post.
His mom has given up on him, he has hurt her too much, too many times. It’s a sad situation.
Addicts/alcoholics entrap the entire family with their addiction. It’s 24/7 drama. It never ends. The people who love the addict have no life because all their time revolves around tracking down the addict, putting the addict into the hospital or rehab or both, taking the addict out of rehab. Not to mention court appearanced and parole visits. Rinse and repeat.
Add on making sure the addict has hospital coverage that hasn’t expired, cleaning up their usually squalid living conditions and trying to avoid the other addicts and sketchy people they surround themselves with.
When it goes on for years it exhausts the love ones and they throw up their hands.
You can’t save someone who won’t be saved.
I knew a woman who, with her husband, was murderedby their schizophrenic son. They had money, resources, they never gave up on him.
What might have helped would be laws mandating hospitalization and treatment.
Yes. One of Al-Anon recommendations is to break all ties with the addicted because until they hit bottom, they’ll always have you to fall back on as a safety net.
My son’s SIL is going through this now. My son and his wife won’t get pulled into her addition but the dad most recently drove 16 hours to get her out of a jam. She’s been in rehab 3-4 times but until SHE wants it, no one can fix her and I’m sure Rob and his wife have probably threw money at his problem but in the end, its up to the addict. Tough love.
Yes eventually it becomes all consuming with an addicted child (who is a grown man)
I’v gone through 3 of my kids addiction. Two have recovered and gotten out of that. Once was still a minor, she is now 37 happily married with two kids, the other is just getting clean now for 1 year, has a business and is providing for his two kids.
The 3rd one is on the streets now in Portland. He has been subjected to Antifa and Communism. He is also Gay and loves Trans. His political stance is that he wants revolution. He actively hates his partents (me/wife) stole from us, lied to us goes online to tell lies about us and is trying to break up our 42 year marriage. So yes there is a point where parent do let go... I’ll put it that way, He is a grown man and makes his own decisions and there is not much a parent can do at that point.