Posted on 09/18/2025 1:01:04 PM PDT by E. Pluribus Unum
PORTLAND, OR — In an unprecedented move, President Trump authorized a drone strike on Portland after designating Antifa a terrorist organization.
The longtime hotbed for Antifa activity was the first target to root out any and all operations of the terrorist group. Trump consulted with Homeland Security and Pentagon officials before ordering the strike.
"We found their main training cell," Trump told reporters. "I ordered the strike on Portland after learning the majority of Antifa terrorists are living and training there. It's incredible. We're gonna get all of 'em, believe me."
Trump designated the group as a terrorist organization following years of violence and incitement, with Antifa members having been behind some of the most violent attacks on our country in the riots following the death of George Floyd, the protests of conservative speakers at college campuses, and many other acts of social unrest and agitation. Intel has shown evidence of large cells based in Portland, Seattle, and Los Angeles, immediately making liberal cities Trump's primary targets.
"We think we got most of them, but there are probably still some living in the tunnels under the city of Portland," Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth said. "We plan on sending in SEAL Team 6 to sweep the city and set up a perimeter. Unsurprisingly, the normal residents of Portland seem thrilled by the strikes. Bombs away, boys!"
At publishing time, Trump had also ordered a drone strike on local area coffee shops in an attempt to take out Antifa and members of the weird hipster population at the same time.
(Excerpt) Read more at babylonbee.com ...
We need him and Paul Kersey to clean things up.
OK, this is too funny, too tragic, and too close to home, because I am a lifetime Oregon resident. If he actually ordered the strike followed by SEAL Team 6, I might consider going to Portland again just to see the debris field. Watching Portland from a safe distance, I wonder if “normal residents” would constitute a meaningful cohort anymore? My son developed some more intimate understanding of the organization when he was with Federal Protective Service and was deployed in Portland to protect federal buildings.
Oh dang, on that last. Good on him, and tell him to stay safe.
Trump needs to bring back Arclight.
RODS_FROM_GOD_PING! (I’m jus’ sayin’...)
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Artillery. Lots of artillery.
Nice!
It’s b babylon bee...
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