Entire American University System Officially Designated A Terrorist Organization

The Bee ^ | September 13, 2025 | Staff

[Navy Patriot]

U.S. — The entirety of the American higher education system has officially been designated a terrorist organization by the United States federal government.

Intelligence officials stated that the university system met all of the criteria for designation, including extremist indoctrination, promoting violence, and murdering dissidents.

"It checks all the boxes," said Secretary of State Marco Rubio. "Honestly, just charging $200,000 for a Sociology degree really should qualify as terrorism. They've gone even further, setting up literal training campsites, advocating violence, and targeting specific populations. No one has churned out more terrorists or terrorism supporters than the American university system. Plus, they still offer Sociology degrees. Horrifying."

College administrators across the country expressed shock and outrage at the move by the government. "I am appalled," said professor Marhsa Silversmith from behind her keffiyeh. "This is a disgusting attack on academic freedom. I have done nothing but teach students to abandon the identity of their youth, conform to our ideology, and do violence to any who oppose us. We will fight this label of terrorism by any means necessary, no matter how violent we have to be."

At publishing time, Rubio had announced that the military would go ahead and bomb all Sociology departments for good measure.

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TOPICS: Education
KEYWORDS: 2true; babylonbee

[Navy Patriot]

It had to be done!

[Grampa Dave]

Gun Free Zones for Wanna Be Killer Trannies's:

[madison10]

Except for Hillsdale.

[Big Red Badger]

Checks All the Boxes

[boxlunch]

Hillsdale- no government funding at all, therefore an actual classical education university

[frank ballenger]

Satire or not, a local right wing talk show host said several times the Dem Party should be designated a terrorist organization. It enables zealots to shoot at people and promotes violence. Such as the one who had a list of GOP leaders to kill but was stopped after nearly killing Rep. Scalise. And the one who broke Rand Paul’s ribs and led him to have serious bleeding and a punctured lung. His wife said in the hospital every single breath her husband took was filled with pain all night and the next day.
And over 100 Catholic Churches and Jewish synagogues hit by arson (a few with people inside at the time). Plus pro-life centers. Almost none of which resulted in Garland Merrick DOJ investigations and indictments.

https://www.google.com/search?sca_esv=2652951d1a1d52fe&udm=2&fbs=AIIjpHxU7SXXniUZfeShr2fp4giZ1Y6MJ25_tmWITc7uy4KIeqDdErwP5rACeJAty2zADJjYuUnSkczEhozYdaq

https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/congress/rand-paul-attacker-sentenced-additional-prison-time-over-yard-assault-n1235013

[Openurmind]

GOOD! K-12 is too, and that is where it is really important. Those first few years of their education.

[madison10]

Yes. I saw that Charlie K. gathered much of his information about politics and our nationby taking classes online from Hillsdale. I thought it interesting that he did not have a degree. (Like Rush)

I started an online class years ago, but never finished. I am thinking of starting another one anyway

[Openurmind]

Got so excited I missed that it was the Bee...

[frank ballenger]

Here is the search result I tried to post about pro-life centers hit by arson. Stupid Google is goofing up a lot.
It keeps cutting away from the result of the images only.

https://www.google.com/search?q=images+pro+life+center+hit+by+arson&sca_esv=2652951d1a1d52fe&hl=en&biw=1052&bih=506&ei=ms7FaPCmIbKfptQPzfXo-QM&ved

[ArcadeQuarters]

The Bee hits the truth again. We need to defund schools that radicalize students.

[EnderWiggin1970]

If Abraham lived today, his conversation with God in Genesis 18 could have been about public universities, not Sodom and Gomorrah. And would have led to the same result!

[Mark17]

Fire and brimstone? 🤔

[SunkenCiv]

Babylon Bee.

• Continuation of the National Emergency With Respect to Foreign Interference in or Undermining Public Confidence in United States Elections (EO 13848 continued thru Sept 2026) [09/13/2025]
  • Four federally charged by Huntsville grand jury in 'Operation Take Back America' [09/13/2025]
• X: South Carolina Republicans Call for Special Session to Defund Clemson [09/13/2025]
  • The Day the Lone Wolf Myth Died [09/13/2025]
• BEASTMODE: Tom Cotton Eviscerates Al Jazeera Reporter Roaming Senate Halls: 'What Do You Say About Working for a Terrorist Sympathizing Network?' [09/13/2025]
  • Netherlands Threatens to Boycott Eurovision if Israel Participates [09/13/2025]
• Charlie Kirk topic links on my profile page [added numbering 09/13/2025]

[Ancesthntr]

Once again, the line between satire and truth is incredibly thin. As soon as I saw the headline I knew it was satire, but at the same time I could not disagree with anything stated in the article. Needless to say, I have nothing but contempt for the vast majority of our higher education system. There are a very few exceptions, such as Hillsdale College, but you can get rid of the rest of them for all I care.

[GOPJ]

College administrators across the country expressed shock and outrage at the move by the government. "I am appalled," said professor Marhsa Silversmith from behind her keffiyeh. "This is a disgusting attack on academic freedom. I have done nothing but teach students to abandon the identity of their youth, conform to our ideology, and do violence to any who oppose us. We will fight this label of terrorism by any means necessary, no matter how violent we have to be."

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