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I’m 63, single, child-free – and my friends weren’t there for me when I needed them
www.msn.com ^ | August 6, 2025 | Kate Mulvey

Posted on 08/08/2025 3:24:01 PM PDT by Jonty30

Several weeks ago, I had a serious health scare. The emergency appointment and ultrasound were attended alone. I did a ring-around of my friends and sisters, but they were away or otherwise occupied. All I wanted was someone to hold my hand and give me a bit of moral support, but on a sweltering hot day, I sat alone in the hospital waiting room – a solitary figure among a sea of cosy couples, with only my Kindle for company as I bounced off the walls with anxiety. While the scare turned out to be just that, the stark realisation that my friends weren’t really there for me when it counted, and that I was utterly alone, was an unpleasant wake-up call. As a childless, unmarried woman of 63, it is difficult to admit how terrified I am of ending up alone and being eaten by cats. Read Next: I tried eight types of coffee bean – a supermarket brand was the clear winner Without the silent contract between parent and child, Someone we look after and who can take care of us, the loneliness wears more and more heavily on me. I find it devastating to imagine ending my days isolated or worse, going gaga and incontinent in a care home. Like many women, I had always expected to get married, have children and maybe even a house in the countryside. It never happened, but not by design – I left it too late. Looking back, in my twenties and thirties, I was about as ready for the chains of matrimony as I was for joining the Women’s Institute. I didn’t want my life mapped out for me.

(Excerpt) Read more at msn.com ...


TOPICS: Chit/Chat; Education; Health/Medicine; Society
KEYWORDS: alone; childless; eatenbycats; unmarried

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To: dfwgator

I’m in Northern Michigan spending the next week (starting tomorrow) golfing, fishing, poker playing, etc with seven guys I grew up and graduated H.S. with 45 years ago As I tell my wife - no b.s. passes through us - we know each other to well!

A yearly event to compare golf handicaps and grey hairs...


221 posted on 08/08/2025 8:43:38 PM PDT by dakine
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To: Jonty30
I don’t see myself as an old biddy,

Denial ain’t just a river in Egypt, toots.

222 posted on 08/08/2025 8:50:40 PM PDT by Sicon ("All animals are equal, but some animals are more equal than others." - G. Orwell)
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To: Jeff Vader

But the bicycles don’t need the fish.


223 posted on 08/08/2025 9:37:50 PM PDT by sauropod (Make sure Satan has to climb over a lot of Scripture to get to you. John MacArthur Ne supra crepidam)
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To: Jonty30

Tead later


224 posted on 08/08/2025 9:40:30 PM PDT by sauropod (Make sure Satan has to climb over a lot of Scripture to get to you. John MacArthur Ne supra crepidam)
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To: Jonty30

She could always rent a companion from Visiting Angels or a similar agency. I guess the medical facility would not allow her to bring her cats?


225 posted on 08/09/2025 12:43:40 AM PDT by Bernard (Issue an annual budget. And Issue a federal government balance sheet. Let's see what we got.)
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To: Jonty30

“The answer is that “You left them in your twenties when you had options.””

Another answer is “You didn’t see them. They were invisible to you.”


226 posted on 08/09/2025 1:10:39 AM PDT by rxh4n1
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To: Jonty30

She is a dumbass.


227 posted on 08/09/2025 3:14:18 AM PDT by Vermont Lt
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To: dfwgator

Yes, we fans are getting nervous and think about the players. There’s no chance for the Braves to make it this year but I’m going to stick by them. It’s been interesting is all I can say.


228 posted on 08/09/2025 5:41:00 AM PDT by Thank You Rush
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To: stanne
Friends? At 63? That’s not their role You don’t want to get married have kids better plan better

With the mobility of today's society, many people who have kids and raised them responsibly find themselves alone after the kids marry someone from a different state whom they met in college, or have a job transfer across the country, or travel for work, etc. So there are a lot of needs such older people have, especially widowed or divorced seniors, for friends who can be counted upon in challenging situations.

Such friendships are often hard to find and require work to maintain. Reliability in friendships for help when you need it also requires you to give help when it's needed, and some people forget that part. Their friendship account becomes “overdrawn”, and a sudden spat can end things unless there is also a strong development of communications and values. The woman in this self-pitying essay says she goes weeks without talking to anyone, and almost boasts about not being a team player or joiner. As a wise man once said, “You can have whatever you want in life, if you are willing to pay the price.”

Fortunate folks find and participate willingly a healthy church community, hopefully large enough to have a “care team” and an ethos of letting the office know if you need a ride to a medical appointment or are in recovery from surgery and could use some frozen meals, etc.

The church I've been part of in recent years has subcommittees for shut-in care, new mother care, respite care for caregivers of disabled relatives, emergency meal delivery and various other needs, in a congregation of roughly 200.

Do a few people shoulder most of the caring? Surprisingly, the elders do a great job of recruiting new members onto all kinds of ministries right from the start, including weeding an assigned “zone” on the property, trimming hedges, laundering table or altar cloths, kitchen help, etc., in ADDITION to numerous evangelical activities. From teenage onward, almost everyone has some role to play. I hope heaven is this well organized.

229 posted on 08/09/2025 6:40:43 AM PDT by Albion Wilde (If [mortals] are so wicked with religion, what would they be without it? —Benjamin Franklin)
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To: Albion Wilde

It is a give and take situation as is everything


230 posted on 08/09/2025 6:58:29 AM PDT by stanne (Because they were mesmerized by Obama, the man for whom this was named, whose name they left out of )
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To: fso301

Your statement is so true, I live in a 55+ community, there are 3 ladies in condos here in their mid and late 80’s, husbands have passed away and kids are NO WHERE around, a group of us here help them with shopping, Dr. appointments, meals, holiday meals ect.!!! These ladies made the right choices YET their kids, grandkids ect. are just to busy with their own lives to give a damn!! VERY SAD!!


231 posted on 08/09/2025 7:44:19 AM PDT by Trump Girl Kit Cat (Yosemite Sam raising hell )
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To: stanne

As they say, if you want to make God laugh, make plans.


232 posted on 08/09/2025 7:47:05 AM PDT by Albion Wilde (If [mortals] are so wicked with religion, what would they be without it? —Benjamin Franklin)
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To: shelterguy
My wife got out of the car and got to the sidewalk and tripped and fell. A woman and her teenaged son WALKED AROUND HER to get to their car.

How perfectly terrible. I am so sorry, but don't take it personally—it's the new, unchurched generations. Wait until Jesus shows it to them on the Big Screen when the time comes.

233 posted on 08/09/2025 7:53:27 AM PDT by Albion Wilde (If [mortals] are so wicked with religion, what would they be without it? —Benjamin Franklin)
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To: Albion Wilde

“””How perfectly terrible. I am so sorry, but don’t take it personally—it’s the new, unchurched generations.”””

We got a chuckle out of it. We are used to it as we live in Occupied Territory of Minneapolistan.


234 posted on 08/09/2025 7:59:10 AM PDT by shelterguy
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To: Jonty30
The answer to the question, when a woman in her thirties asks, “Where are the good men?” The answer is that “You left them in your twenties when you had options.”

When my generation came of age, there was a draft for Vietnam for many years. Even those with college deferments could get drafted when they graduated. Many of the best men went there, and of those who came back, many had emotional or substance abuse issues. There are no quick judgments that fit all situations.

235 posted on 08/09/2025 8:04:55 AM PDT by Albion Wilde (If [mortals] are so wicked with religion, what would they be without it? —Benjamin Franklin)
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To: vivenne
Judgey people here....

Most married conservatives are, sadly. They think it was all their own righteousness instead of God's gracious provision for them.

236 posted on 08/09/2025 8:06:57 AM PDT by Albion Wilde (If [mortals] are so wicked with religion, what would they be without it? —Benjamin Franklin)
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To: dfwgator
once you reach adulthood, it gets much harder to have the kinds of experiences that create the bonds that lead to lifelong friendships, so do it while you’re still young.

I agree. Sadly, my bestie from high school died 35 years ago and my bestie from college died 17 years ago. Friends I've made since then can never understand you like the ones who knew your beginnings, how you've grown, and what happened to make you weaker, stronger or better.

237 posted on 08/09/2025 8:14:43 AM PDT by Albion Wilde (If [mortals] are so wicked with religion, what would they be without it? —Benjamin Franklin)
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To: b4me
...Easy to judge things through your own eyes, but the Bible says His ways are higher than our ways and His thoughts are higher than ours.

Wise words!

238 posted on 08/09/2025 8:19:39 AM PDT by Albion Wilde (If [mortals] are so wicked with religion, what would they be without it? —Benjamin Franklin)
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To: Albion Wilde

Well, said. Thank you.


239 posted on 08/09/2025 8:23:15 AM PDT by vivenne (7Come to think of it. Fact)
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To: Varsity Flight
Never take candy from a stranger.

Never trust a pastor or a therapist with a toupée.

240 posted on 08/09/2025 8:33:36 AM PDT by Albion Wilde (If [mortals] are so wicked with religion, what would they be without it? —Benjamin Franklin)
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