Posted on 07/24/2025 6:02:03 PM PDT by Ciaphas Cain
HEAVEN — What began as a regular day in Heaven was quickly turned upside-down, as legendary sports entertainment icon Hulk Hogan made a surprise entrance to challenge Jacob to a wrestling match.
Jacob, long regarded as the most experienced and intimidating wrestler in the Bible, was reportedly standing in the heavenly ring and speaking to a large crowd of his fans when Hogan's "Real American" theme music blared over the speakers, heralding the arrival of the Hulkster.
"Oh my! What's this? Can it be? It is! It's Hulk Hogan!" an angelic commentator said as Hogan walked to the ring. "What's he doing here? Is he here to issue a challenge to Jacob? Hold on to your hats, folks!"
Hogan made his way through the smoke, lights, and pyro before stepping into the ring, ripping off his shirt, and staring down Jacob. "Lemme tell ya somethin', brother!" the Hulkster said to the roar of the crowd. "All my life, I've been hearing about what a bad dude you were back in the day, man. They said you wrestled with God, brother. Well, now that the Hulkster has arrived, it's time to step up to the challenge. Let's do it, Jacob! You and me, right here, tonight, brother!"
The crowd roared in excitement as Jacob paused to look out into the crowd before slowly shaking Hogan's hand. "You want some, Hogan? You got it!" the patriarch replied.
Over the deafening cheers of the crowd, Hogan promised to give Jacob a fight he'd never forget. "Whatcha gonna do, brother," he asked, "when Hulk Hogan, these 24-inch pythons, and all my heavenly Hulkamaniacs run wild on you?!"
At publishing time, fans and commentators were speculating that while Hogan may have a size and weight advantage in the matchup, Jacob was likely to try to use his patented ladder as a weapon to gain the upper hand.
I wonder if Carman in Heaven is ready to announce the champion of this match?
That was a good one!
At first I thought they were talking about the Knox County TN mayor.
Thanks for posting.
BB should drop the lame “at publishing time” ending. It actually steps on the punchline more often than not.
A sad day in Tampa made better by the Babylon Bee!! Thank you, Bee ..
Jacob manager said “Just when Hogan thought he had the answer I changed the question. Does anyone have any bubblegum?”
Gotta love the Bee!
HOGAN HOGAN, I bet he drops an elbow on his dislocatable hip. Hulk is NOT above using others infirmities for an edge.
Huge wrestling fan here. I began watching in my pre-teen years, when it was called “rasslin” and had studios in Tacoma, WA and Portland Oregon. Grandma watched it religiously. GREAT memories..
RIP Terry, you were the greatest. Until Mick Foley joins the show.
Hmmm... Hogan....what’s his real name...Terry Something. With Gematria and ATBASH the connections are limitless.
But here's this old story about name changes. Maybe you'll remember it because "בן חמש שנים למקרא".
People may not grasp or appreciate, but I take my fun job very seriously. I'm a real stickler for details and exceedingly high levels of integration. See, that very word connects to wrestling, and I wasn't even trying. I'm glad I looked it up as I was typing this reply. I never know what I'm gonna find, but I know I'm gonna love it..
A good analogy would be in the choice of the best Persian rug. It's not just about knot density..
I don't know if you're aesthetic, but
"The key is to find a rug that resonates with your personal style and complements your space."
(For me, that would be a flying carpet, but YMMV.)
BTW, did you know that Disney.. changed her name from the original "full moon of full moons"? I'd caught that.
Anyway, I found it curious that the Bee suddenly invoked the name-change story out of the blue at this particular time. Needless to say, if the Hulkster hadn't died, that wouldn't have happened. Funny stuff.
Do you remember the particular 'Messianic name'-change/dispatching event that had been hatched in the timing mix with Apollo 11? "D" day ended up being Elul 25, at least as logically could be deduced from the known scheduling pattern of the times.
I brought it up years ago, perhaps even before the street view of the exact location/same building had been snapped in 2019.
I'm mentioning it because just recently on July 9th, I was looking at the place on Street View.
The fence wasn't there or needed those many years ago, but it came in handy in modern times because in the.. narrow window of time that the Google cameras had rolled by since I'd last looked, a temporary sign was attached to that fence, mere feet from the building which is right next to the sidewalk and the road.
Something like "Congratulations Ms. X". If that weren't enough, next to it was another sign that really made be "paws". Glad I looked!
Of course, no humans could coordinate that kind of timing with corresponding names to events they'd have no idea about from 50 years earlier, then another 6 added on until the discovery, but where 'midrashic method' is concerned, the connections are limitless, without end (א"ס).
It's really the total gathering together, the revelation of all knowledge as it were.
Remember the first light of Creation? Don't navigate without it.
It's a whole new world.
My apologies to Glenn Jacobs. I wasn’t aware Hulk Hogan had passed.
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