Posted on 07/12/2025 1:33:31 AM PDT by Lazamataz
This is (possibly, depending on the feedback I get) going to be the first chapter of the sequel for my first novel. This will be in the "Dimensions" universe. Critiques and reviews welcome!
Sprites
Sprites, they called them. Cute name for them, but they were very dangerous.
Martini adjusted his exosuit for an excursion onto the surface of Europa. This was the Jovian moon that had long fascinated Earth’s scientists. Those scientists were intrigued by the possibility of life under the kilometers of ice, in the oceans beneath.
Pedro Martini didn’t care about any of that. He was here to find rare earth deposits in the ice. That’s where the money was, and the corporation that sent him only cared about the money.
Mankind had been given access to teleporters by the Cephians, the extraterrestrial race that was a little under 1700 light years away. The primary use they put it to was to communicate with us, and to allow us access to the Galactic Communication Network that connected over 16,000 distinct sapient races across the Milky Way Galaxy.
These teleporters folded space along the fourth dimension, which allowed instant communications across those vast distances. The power requirement to send matter across folded space was very prohibitive at large distances – anything over a light year or so – but photons are massless. Communication between star systems was possible, but physical travel was not.
Mankind had discovered, however, that true teleportation over shorter distances was not only possible, but had a very low energy requirement. The conquest of the solar system had begun in earnest.
Martini punched the control panel that cycled the airlock with his clumsy gloves. The suit was mostly comfortable, but he hated the gloves. He always felt like he had thick sausage fingers when he was in this damned contraption. There was a sharp hiss as air escaped from the lock, but as the air escaped, the sound quieted quickly. Now all he could hear was his slow breath and the occasional ping sounds of life-support equipment noisily confirming their function.
He stepped onto the surface of the moon. He heard the ice and snow crystals crunch under his feet, vaguely reminding him of the sound he used to hear, as a child, when walking to school during the brutal winters of Upstate New York. Back then, it never failed to surprise him how something made out of water, frozen or not, could sound so dry.
“Clovis Twelve, Expedition Gamma. Beginning survey of Zone 18,” he said into his exosuit microphone.
“Copy that,” crackled the response. “Let me know if you need anything.”
The Clovis Twelve base housed the teleporter portal and the support equipment sent from Earth eighteen months ago. Clovis Twelve was located at one of the two thin-ice locations on Europa. Most of the ice on Europa was kilometers in depth; however, this patch was less than one kilometer thick. It was a good place to drill and look for the valuable rare-earth metals.
He hefted the drill equipment off the side of the exploration vehicle. In the low gravity, it was more a matter of clumsiness than it was the weight. He accidentally banged one of the pieces of equipment against his leg. “Shit!” he exclaimed, alarmed. He listened for the telltale hiss of escaping oxygen, but hearing none, he continued gathering the components of the laser-drill. That was lucky. He needed to be more careful. This would be a miserable place to die.
When humanity set up the first base on Europa, they discovered that Europa fairly teemed with a bizarre menagerie of life forms. Most of them were single-cell organisms, based on biochemistry completely alien to those found on Earth. There were larger life forms in thousands of configurations, too. They mostly congregated around the various hot spots in the oceans, but even away from the heated vents, the waters were full of life. The most deadly were the Sprites. These worm-like creatures, which could reach lengths up to eight meters long, were all teeth and body. If you were to compare them to an Earth-based life form. they were most analogous to Earth’s sharks. They had no eyes, but were able to locate prey by using their acute hearing. They were deadly, and they could burrow through the ice with ease, almost as easily as swimming through water.
Martini finished setting up the laser drill and activated it. It began melting the ice, the water sublimating into a gas that escaped into the vacuum. The laser quickly cut through the surface of the moon, and when water began to spew from the hole, he turned down the drill to a power level that would keep the drill hole from freezing again. He collected a sample of the water and put it into the device that would determine the concentration of rare-Earth metals. The device’s display flashed a set of numbers in green, indicating a large amount was present.
“Clovis Twelve, Expedition Gamma. I can report a score. Heavy concentrations here.”
“Roger that. Mark the location and return to base,” the operator on the other side responded.
He placed a radio beacon near the drill site and began dismantling the drill when movement under the ice caught the corner of his eye. Shit, he hoped it wasn’t a Sprite.
He picked up his pace, hoping to get back into the protection of his exploration vehicle as quickly as possible. He saw two more flashes of fleeting movement. Definitely Sprites. Dammit. He considered abandoning the drill machinery and coming back later to retrieve it. He was about to report the presence of Sprites to his home base, opening the channel, but never had the chance to report. He turned just in time to see the larger of the two Sprites leap out of the ice, the ring of teeth coming up to meet his visor. He managed to utter a single syllable, “Fuu…” before his helmet cracked open.
“Expedition Gamma, Clovis Twelve. Report in, please.”
Static.
“Expedition Gamma, Clovis Twelve. Please check in.”
Static.
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Say, Laz... I’ve always heard it said, “Write what you know”. Where did you say you’re from? 🤔😜
1). How do Sprites hear to catch their prey, when the story indicates that there was no atmosphere?
2) Noted that it will be much later before the main character of the story is revealed. The “corporation” looking for rare earth minerals is the evil one in your story.
Why? The corp hired a stupid buffoon from Buffalo NY that cannot focus on his job, daydreams, is hard on electrical equipment and cannot comprehend that a 8 meter worm with teeth is kinda detrimental to one’s health.
3). How deep into the story before more is revealed about the evil corporation?
My fiancee would say I’m from Uranus. 🤣😂🤣😂
1. Sound travels well in water.
2 and 3. The ‘evil corporation’ is completely incidental to the story.
To be fair, a reader will be best suited to reading the first novel, though I intend this sequel to stand on its own.
Thanks for your thoughts!
My fiancee would say I’m from Uranus.
Just as I’ve suspected!
I hear that a certain senator from NC is fascinated with Uranus
Rhis is the 1st chapter in mine and my wifes novelette coming out this fall. It’s in editing with the publisher for final edits. We are nervous.
Lunar-Tickz
The Crater Crew:
The mechanical thumping
against the shuttle hull awoke Nick from his slumber. He had arrived at Lunar Station. Nick was hit by the smell of stale air as the docking doors opened. The kind that is sterile but with an artificial, almost chemical smell. The halls were devoid of clutter. The tubular walls, white sectional pieces with metal joints, were a sharp contrast to his previous home on Earth. Once again, he was moving. Wherever his father went, he did too. Nick’s father was the new commander of the Lunar Station on the Moon.
The station’s personnel were there to collect Helium-3 extract from the regolith that made up moondust. The Moon contains enough Helium 3 to provide 40,000 years of clean energy. Twenty-five tons could power the Earth for one year. The problem was that it took 150 tons of regolith moon dust to obtain one gram of Helium 3. Fossil fuels on Earth were becoming more scarce, and geopolitical tensions were growing daily.
Nick was starting all over again. This was a new duty station for him and his Dad, new people to meet, and the dreaded feeling of whether or not he would fit in. Nick’s anxiety rose.
The station seemed cold. The white and metallic walls of the facility reminded Nick of a hospital. Everything had a purpose and place. As Nick entered the station, he saw his father with an entourage of people and a few kids his age. His father, Commander Bratt, introduced this group one by one.
Commander Bratt started with Dr. Ngyuen, the Chief Medical Officer, and her daughter Thoa, who was about the same age as Nick. As Nick moved down the reception line, he was introduced to Chief O’Connor, the Chief Engineer, his son Ian, Sandra Marks, the Chief Security Officer, and her daughter Holly. Ian and Holly appeared about a year or two younger than Nick.
As expected, Nick greeted everyone and politely excused himself to his quarters. Commander Bratt showed Nick where he would live for the next three years. Nick seemed underwhelmed. He would get bored fast at this station, which was too sterile.
Over the next few days, Nick moved about the station. As he passed other kids his age, some pointed and laughed. Nick’s anxiety grew, leaving him with a feeling of claustrophobia in the sterile surroundings of the station. He needed to get out of there, but he was stuck. There was nowhere for him to go. He lived on a small base on a barren rock, with no friends to speak of and a growing feeling of being alone.
The next day, Nick was riding his skateboard through the station halls. As he rounded a corner, he slammed into Thoa Ngyuen, who groaned as she lay on the ground, exclaiming, “Why don’t you watch where you’re going?” before realizing it was Nick Bratt, who smacked into her, sending her airborne.
Nick, apologizing profusely, his cheeks flushed with embarrassment, reached out to offer a hand up.
Thoa, also a bit embarrassed, accepted Nick’s apology and assistance getting up.
Thoa then exclaimed, “Hey, do you want to sneak into the reconnaissance lab with the others? We like to play with the lunar rover and explore the surface of the moon”. “There’s not a lot of excitement up here, so we do what we can.”
Nick grinned and nodded his approval; grabbing his skateboard, he followed Thoa to the reconnaissance lab.
When Nick and Thoa arrived at the lab, Ian O’Connor and Holly Marks argued whether the lunar rover should enter a cave entrance they had just found.
The grayish-brown moon dust crunched under the tracks of the lunar rover, each movement echoing in the vast emptiness of the lunar cave. The video feed adjusted to the cave’s darkness as it continued into the hollow realm. As Ian moved the rover left, the video feed caught a glimpse of brightness.
Nick exclaimed, “Did you see that? That light? Head over that way!”
As the lunar rover moved toward the light, the teens heard clanking, and the rover shook, swaying slightly to the left and right. The teens then saw from the top of the video stream screen a fuzzy, cotton candy-like tuft, two pointy ears, and eyes that had goggles with various attachments connected, peering into the lunar rover’s lens. The teens heard clanking from the rover microphone, and suddenly, the screen went blank.
The teens sat in stunned silence for a few moments when Ian cried, “ We are in so much trouble.” “We’re never going to be able to explain that we lost the rover. Dad is already upset because tools keep disappearing. He says the tools are gone, and all that’s left are rocks. And, what was that we just saw?”
Seeing an opportunity for adventure, Nick said, “Alright, what are we going to do about this”?
Thoa, also seeing a chance for adventure, piped in, “We have to go get it back.”
The teens devised a plan. They gathered supplies, space suits, scanners, and gadgets to assist them in their mission to locate the Lunar Rover and find out what they saw on the laboratory monitor. They met at the station’s airlock. After checking their gear to ensure it worked properly, they engaged the airlock controls. The door behind them closed. As the outer door opened, each breathed air in their suits as if it might be their last. After a few moments, they cautiously breathed out their first breath, each with a feeling of ease, realizing that the breathing apparatus worked.
Nick looked at the others with determination and exclaimed, quoting the famous astronaut Neil Armstrong, “That’s one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind.”
Thao politely coughed, “Ahem..”.
Nick sheepishly responded, “Sorry. Uh, humankind?” Unbeknownst to the teens, these were the first steps in what would forever change their lives.
…before his helmet cracked open. FABULOUS wordsmithing.
I see some immediate edits. I’ll get you what I see when I return home. I’m at the oil change shop right now.
No worries. It’s currently with the editor now. Our target audience is 10-14. The Lunar-Tickz series will be whimsical, where the teens go on adventures with the Lunar-Tickz. Imagine Stargat Sliders, etc. Traveling thru wormholes to different planets, or time. The first two novelletes take place on the moon and earth, with the second taking place in the past. The 3rd novelette, as yet to be written, will be take place on a new planet.
What I really need is an editor to my FR posts. I’m always having typos. 🤣🤣🤣
Our website is www.lunar-tickz.com
I’d be very curious to see if the editor’s comments and mine align. 😁
Would be interesting 🤔
Stellar plot line, by the way! And pretty good writing. I think you can cross over to light adult reading, done right. My work gets pretty philosophical and is science and math heavy. But, there is a definite market for lighter and more whimsical sci-fi and fantasy. Just look at the Harry Potter series!
I have a small critique, observation, and suggestion if I may? If this is the whole first chapter it had a feeling of finality already. It began and then felt like it has already ended, mission dead, character dead, done. Or is this just an excerpt of the first chapter? It felt like it needs a lead and “hook” into whether this character actually has any possible chance or not going into the next chapter to make me curious. Anyone else around to save him? Or is that it and the next chapter is going to start with a whole new mission and new character because this one now seems to be done already?
I like the heavier stuff as well. I cut my teeth on Asimov, and Heinlein. So, I’ll definitely dig into your work.
Martini and the Sprites were on the surface when he got his head bitten/crunched.
As for “stand alone”, I take Martini as an expendable expensive labor that hired on for a quick buck. He knew that there were risk, but did not take it seriously (series?) and I did expect him to die before I got to the end and of the read.
The corporation got verification that the minerals were present, though there should have been some sort of documentation (video? testing? sample data uploading?) rather than just this buffoon’s word by radio.
Oh well, they can just put out another ad on Craig’s List under Quick Bucks.
I appreciate your thoughts! Consider Pedro Martini to be a Star Trek red-shirt... a nearly anonymous, utterly expendable character.
The book will get a lot less bleak quite quickly. 😉
Funny comments! 😅🤣😂
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