Posted on 05/29/2025 5:15:38 AM PDT by V_TWIN
The Babylon Bee was saddened to learn of the passing of former President Joe Biden. [Note: Make sure this does not get published until it is 100% confirmed that he died.]
Born in 1871 as a poor black child, Joseph Robinette Biden Jr. grew up in the vast wasteland of Delaware. As a young boy foraging for sustenance in the unsettled Delawarean tundra, Joe learned the benefits of determination, American ingenuity, and a hard day's work. [Note: Confirm birth year — may have been much earlier.]
As a young lifeguard and vagabond, Joe witnessed the nation's conversion from a loose affiliation of agricultural states to an industrial powerhouse. Biden played a significant role in this transition by inventing the automobile and telling Henry Ford about it. [Someone please fact-check this.]
Decades later, Joe Biden's uncle was eaten by cannibals, leading a bereaved Biden to quit driving a big rig and go into politics. Biden famously participated in the civil rights march in Selma, where he won acclaim for how well he operated the water hose. Elected to Congress in the 1930s, Biden served two terms before taking a brief hiatus to "fight the Japs", his image being captured in the iconic flag raising at Iwo Jima [can we get this image or is it under copyright? Be sure it's really him.]
After 80 years serving in the U.S. Senate, Biden won the right to become Barack Obama's running mate through various feats of strength and rounds of single combat. Even in his last days, President Biden praised Obama as "that colored fella who used to yell at me all the time."
President Joseph R. Biden Jr. is survived by his wife, Jill, his crackhead son, Hunter, several grandchildren he does not acknowledge, and the half-eaten carton of mint chocolate chip ice cream that is still in the back of the White House freezer. [Note: Repeat, DO NOT publish until death is confirmed, no matter how dead he may look on TV. Kyle will fire you if you do.]
In summary, it can certainly be said that of all the presidents throughout the history of the United States, Joe Biden was one of them. [Note: Allegedly.]
Lol
This memoriam has been validated and approved by autopen.
Better fact check this!
“Biden famously participated in the civil rights march in Selma, where he won acclaim for how well he operated the water hose”
-
That part might actually be true.
Fake Jake Tapper said “Biden is sharper than ever - unless he’s not”.
Pretty accurate based on Biden’s memories.
If so, the media protectors would chalk it up to “climate change”.
(through various feats of strength)
I gotta lot of problems with you people!
And now you’re gonna hear about it!
*****
I did NOT see that one coming, lol (neither did the marchers).
He’d have marched on Selma, if it was in Long Island.
And Biden loves German Shepards that bite. There were German Shepards at Selma.
Has anyone notified Corn Pop?
Look for the dems to throw the biggest funeral this side of the universe.
They will wax poetic about this criminal and his family will all wear virginal white as they remember how wonderful, kind and intelligent he was.
They will try to burn up more of President Trump’s term with all of the BS they can summon and hold Bidet as an example of the greatest human being ever.
AI generated this article based on a summary of major news media coverage over the past fifty years.
Lol.
The Biden funeral should be treated as an organized crime event.
Everyone in attendance should be a potential target for future indictments.
Is that Joe Manchin behind “Sheets” Byrd?
They forgot about his time served in the Army as a dog faced pony soldier.
‘That’s Gold, Jerry! GOLD!’ :)
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