Posted on 02/26/2025 5:52:58 AM PST by V_TWIN
Thanks to high-ranking connections, The Babylon Bee has obtained the following list of some of the things that responding government employees said they accomplished last week:
1. Responded to this email: Following directions is a top priority.
2. Hid in the janitor's closet from the DOGE guys: Sometimes it's best just to be honest.
3. Completed a game of Minesweeper on the highest difficulty: This type of genius should always have a job in the federal government.
4. Proofread a new series of instructional transsexual comic books for Guatemalan children: Changing the world is a tough job, but someone has to do it.
5. Walked around the national park to make sure all of the trees were still there: Continual vigilance is the key.
6. Spied on a few homeschool families: America's enemies must be watched closely.
7. Counted all of the paper clips in the drawer: Everyone has a responsibility to minimize waste.
8. Recorded 12 TikTok dances: Creating a lasting legacy with your work is important.
9. Processed a scathing indictment of an 87-year-old grandmother who prayed outside an abortion clinic: Federal employees do truly heroic work.
10. Made a comprehensive list of all things done every day: Unfortunately, the last thing done was deleting the list.
(Excerpt) Read more at babylonbee.com ...
Go BEE!!
11. Planned the menu for the upcoming wedding for my catering side gig
12. Answered 100 calls from new clients wanting to sell their DC house in my realty business. Business is really picking up! I may have to take some personal time next week
We freepers have the time to get this list up to 100 !!
13. Applied for another govt pension. Federal employees humbly illustrate their worth.
Updated my in home server and deleted 30k emails.
“Shopped using the government credit card. For work purposes only, though”
Having worked for the DoD for 30 years....you have NO idea how true that is. Saw it more than once. 😏
14) I refused to read the latest politico ‘subscription’.
They only needed 5 tasks donea. The purpose was revealed by Musk: some Federal Workers are so lazy they don’t even read their emails. It was a clever way of discovering who is getting paid to do nothing.
#5 is how I think of government employees.....
Lol
All govt employees have inherent self-awareness.
15) Made sure I still had security clearance for my resume as a “consultant”.
16) Hired Bleachbit to “secure” our “archives” before DOGE arrives.
“Watched Kamala’s goodbye speech for inspiration”
“Took up smoking. Smokers always get to break whenever they want”
Wow - overachiever. I only spied on parts of one former homeschool family. Five of our kids have graduated college, and one is still in college. I spied on my wife and one daughter who recently graduated and is at home until her wedding in early April. Even that spying was pretty poor. Wedding planning bores me, so they could be plotting to take over the world between selecting flowers and table cloths.
Ehhhh.
Headline alone was funnier than the headline ÷ article. Somewhat rare for the Bee.
About 10-12 years ago, the town of Arlington, Texas began logging and marking ALL trees on city property, parks and easements.
If one comes into town for a event at Jerry World, Six Flags or a Ranger game, one will observe aluminum tags on the trunks of all trees along streets and open spaces.
Yes, people have jobs to keep track of the trees.
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.