Posted on 01/05/2025 1:21:10 AM PST by Cronos
I am euphemistically known as a "solo ager," a 66-year-old child-free widower with no plans to seek another primary intimate monogamous relationship. I must admit that the term "solo ager" is preferable to the horrible designation made by other social scientists who refer to me as an "elder orphan." That phrase reeks of an aging Oliver Twist, developmentally frozen in the pain of abandonment and fear.
3 Steps for Successful Solo Aging 1. While You Are Healthy, Make Plans. Complete advance directives and designate a trusted health care proxy. Spell out personal wishes regarding medical treatment. Grant someone the power of attorney to handle legal and financial matters should the need arise. Inform those close to you about your designate to ensure as little misunderstanding as possible in the event of a crisis or emergency.
Talk to an elder care financial planner
2. Go Toward Others. Social science tells us there is great benefit in being social as we age. The impact of social distancing during the pandemic will be studied for years to come. Already, there is sound determination that the loss of broad interpersonal communities has undermined our collective sense of security and anchoring to day-to-day living.
The psychologist John Cacioppo, in his 2009 book "Loneliness: Human Nature and the Need for Social Connection," reports that loneliness may have twice the impact on early death as obesity
3. Get Busy. Stay Physically Active.
(Excerpt) Read more at nextavenue.org ...
“1. While You Are Healthy, Make Plans”
Yea, like finding a partner, pretty much the best thing you can do for old age, have someone to share it with.
In the group I have seen pass there was one fellow, a WWII Marine Aviator who flew at Guadalcanal and Pelilieu. I would go see him in his little apartment when I would visit my Momma at hers. I enjoyed so much knocking on his door, being bid in and watching him straighten and smile when I would say, "How are you doing Marine?" He was one who faced death bravely, talked about his life and accomplishment not boastfully but with pride and still wanted to give help to people like me who wanted to let some of his experience and wisdom rub off on me if only for confirmation. Jim was a wonderful man.
It is much easier to listen to someone who is still trying to serve than to someone who falls to remorse and wallowing in it. Few are brave enough to continue to think of others and a lot talk a good line until they are against the wall. Dad tried but he was too sick to go on, Momma did for as long as she could but Alzheimer's took her years before she passed so we just loved her as much and as long as we could.
Stop watching porn and get a sex drive to get out there??
4. Join FR and become an active participant.
Maybe the 66 year old widower wants to enjoy some peace and quiet.
Great advice
52 years. Wow! Congratulations
I've even heard some say retirement is not part of God's plan for mankind. We are designed to work as long as we're able.
Interesting challenge for sure.
Everyone has “something” that will get their interest and light a spark....the trick is to figure out what it is in his case.
It would be good to know what he excelled at during his younger days—whether at work or with hobbies for example.
Until you know what that is you are flying blind with any suggestions.
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I have an elderly relative whose entire life was dedicated to visual art—and then she had health issues and lost her sight.
That is brutal.
What some call loneliness is solitude for others.
Case #2: loneliness is better than misery
Case#3: Men die first because they want to
That's me.
The first thing I thought of was a good friend, a highly spiritual, beautifully masculine, profoundly truthful man.
He had had some bad disappointments. A bitter divorce. All of his children sided with the ex-wife against him and took his money. The second wife, who was very attractive, also betrayed him financially.
I heard him say, "I just want to get the hell out of here."A few days before he died of cancer, his brother and I sat talking with him. He was in great spirits, excited about what was to come. "I'm going home," he said.
Things were so happy that we were making jokes.
I said, "I might have a little trouble at the Pearly Gates. If I do, would you bore a little hole and pull me through?" Everybody laughed.
When he died, it was peaceful.
I have had visitations from several people who have died, my sister for example, not this friend, but I have felt his presence.
There's much to be excited about in the life to come, much to look forward to.
Being in your 60s with no kids and no wife should leave you lots of walk-in’ around money.
That is my problem and one that I think a lot of social scientists haven’t thought much about. What do you do when get too old to do things you know how to do? I’m reaching that stage. I have years of experience and knowledge on how things work and how to fix stuff. The problem is many of those things I can’t physically do anymore. I don’t have the strength, the flexibility or the energy to do them. My parents reached that point in life like we all do, but they had me and my siblings to do them for them. They had us to pay for small things they needed like a new water heater or the boys replacing their roof. I’m 73 and childless. I have no one to come over on the weekends to help dad. I did yard work, plumbing and electrical, put in window AC units, etc., for my parents and in-laws. I have no one like that to depend on or ask help of. So, I pay people to do things I used to be able to do. It is a cost that I don’t think is figured in by most financial planners when working with older individuals. Plumbers, electricians and HVAC people don’t work cheap.
The idea of staying active and socially involved is great, but the real problems I think are more centered on just general day to day living. There is a part of me that hopes to live until 93 like my mom, but there is another part of me that’s scared to death of that prospect.
Wow that’s very informative, thanks
“Those that have very long lives end up attending a lot of funerals of their peers—on top of everything else.”
Die first! 😃
“Those that have very long lives end up attending a lot of funerals of their peers—on top of everything else.”
Well, but as Yogi Berra wisely admonished us, “If you don’t go to their funeral they won’t come to yours!”
“But when they’re elderly and infirm, when they can’t drive, walk far or long, or get through daytime without a nap — staying involved with others is advice that seems offhand and dismissive.”
And sick, in constant pain, can’t tend to your most basic needs, and no hope of recovery, does euthanasia make sense at that point?
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