Posted on 12/14/2024 10:11:10 AM PST by Navy Patriot
LUXEMBOURG — According to eyewitnesses at the Grand Duke's palace, Nancy Pelosi was rushed to the hospital earlier today after her blood alcohol level plunged dangerously.
Sources say that the Democrat representative is now in stable condition, having downed several vodka tonics and three glasses of wine since the incident.
"We almost lost her," said Dr. Johann Warstein, who has been caring for Pelosi since she was hospitalized earlier today. "Ms. Pelosi skipped her usual four morning screwdrivers, then accidentally drank too much water over lunch. Her blood alcohol levels, normally around 50%, plunged to almost legal levels. If not for the quick actions of our emergency personnel to get a fifth of vodka in her bloodstream, we may be having a different conversation. It was touch and go."
Condolences and caskets of alcohol have poured into the Luxembourg hospital where Pelosi is staying overnight, in a heartwarming effort to keep Pelosi safely sloshed. Initial reports note that the doctors have graciously tried some of the gifts themselves so that they can make sure the alcohol content is high enough for Rep. Pelosi.
At publishing time, doctors had outfitted Pelosi with one of those beer hats to ensure she always had a steady supply of alcohol at the ready.
(Excerpt) Read more at babylonbee.com ...
An 84-year old parasite falling and breaking their hip is series.
H.P. Lovecraft: “Over a Bottle of Absinthe”. Talking to a dead man in a booth. I wonder who Nancy has been talking to?
Shirley you Jest!
Chuckle.
Really? Their hip?
Yeah, with an IV vodka drip?
I’m not sure how it is today but back in the 80’s in Athens, Greece marble was relatively cheap and some sidewalks were made of it. Women would hang wet clothing off the balconies to dry and the water would drip down on the smooth white marble and make them as slippery as ice. It was almost impossible to see the wet spots and I saw more than one person go airborne when they stepped on one.
Yeah, ... I’m surprised the Zeepers Haven’t claimed Russians greased the Marble Steps!
Euthanasia is perfectly legal there.
AOC sends thank you card
I am reminded of an old joke about the Rolling Stones touring a remote part of Australia, and there was an accident involving the group and its bus. They immediately needed some pain killer like morphine or opiates to treat some of the horribly injured band members until they could be rescued and taken to a hospital.
Luckily there was a medic with the group and they decided to do a blood transfusion to the most critically injured with Keith Richard’s blood. They were able to sedate the critically injured band member with the transfusion until a medical airlift arrived. Unfortunately, Keith Richards suffered horribly as he sobered up for the first time in decades.
Thanks for sharing that joke about the Stones, it’s an oldie but a goodie!
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