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McDonald’s Surpasses FBI In Number Of Shooters Apprehended In 2024
The Bee ^
| December 11, 2024
| Staff
Posted on 12/11/2024 4:02:44 PM PST by Navy Patriot
U.S. — Fast-food chain McDonald's has officially surpassed the Federal Bureau of Investigation in the number of shooters apprehended in 2024.
Despite having thousands of highly trained agents tasked with stopping violent mass shooters, the entirety of the FBI was bested by a single part-time McDonald's cashier.
"Not again," sighed Director Wray, handing over his resignation. "I don't know how McDonald's does it. How did they beat us at arresting shooters, all while making perfectly crispy fries, a solid breakfast, and surprisingly good coffee? We just can't compete with the golden arches."
In light of this development, Congress has announced all FBI agents will be required to do an apprenticeship at McDonald's to hone their craft. "If you can't beat them, join them," said Congressmen Rand Paul, explaining the new measure. "Every agent will spend time working the drive-through and cashier lines as we work to bring the FBI up to McDonald's level. They will learn how to catch bad guys and cook delicious nuggets. It's a no-brainer."
At publishing time, the DOGE had announced to save costs, it will simply replace all FBI agents with current McDonald's cashiers.
(Excerpt) Read more at babylonbee.com ...
TOPICS: Education; History
KEYWORDS: babylonbee; humor; mcdonalds
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Sad but True!
To: Navy Patriot
2
posted on
12/11/2024 4:06:51 PM PST
by
TomServo
To: Navy Patriot
That’s gonna leave a skidmark in some underwears.
3
posted on
12/11/2024 4:11:55 PM PST
by
SaxxonWoods
(Black guy upon receiving a MAGA hat: "MURICA!")
To: Navy Patriot
The coffee is indeed surprisingly good.
Goes well with just about the only item I will consider eating there - the Egg McMuffin.
To: Navy Patriot
To: Navy Patriot
Meanwhile, the Hamburglar is still on the loose!
-PJ
6
posted on
12/11/2024 4:26:40 PM PST
by
Political Junkie Too
( * LAAP = Left-wing Activist Agitprop Press (formerly known as the MSM))
To: Navy Patriot
I needed a laugh. Fantastic
7
posted on
12/11/2024 4:34:38 PM PST
by
pnut22
To: Navy Patriot
I think it is because of McDonald's new head of security and fries:
<
He'd take a bullet to protect McDonald's and the nation.
8
posted on
12/11/2024 4:38:37 PM PST
by
KarlInOhio
(Now unburdened by the Biden/Harris administration that has been.)
To: Navy Patriot
Did this super FBI leader rush over to Burger KING and take a bow?
9
posted on
12/11/2024 4:42:37 PM PST
by
Mark
(DONATE ONCE every 3 months-is that a big deal?)
To: Navy Patriot
Well, in California they make $20/hour so keeping an eye out and catching criminals could be included as part of their duties. Maybe they could get a bonus for each one they catch.
Looks like they’ve been doing a great job.
10
posted on
12/11/2024 4:51:09 PM PST
by
Bon of Babble
(You Say You Want a Revolution?)
To: KarlInOhio
Well done! (your post, not the fries)
11
posted on
12/11/2024 5:09:40 PM PST
by
TigersEye
(If you voted for Kamala you're a squirrel murdering communist!)
To: Navy Patriot
12
posted on
12/11/2024 5:09:54 PM PST
by
ducttape45
(Jeremiah 17:9, "The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?")
To: Navy Patriot
Among the ruins of our civilization, may archaelogists find some of these Babylon Bee articles and strive to understand what was happening now.
13
posted on
12/11/2024 5:15:57 PM PST
by
MeneMeneTekelUpharsin
(Freedom is the freedom to discipline yourself so others don't have to do it for you.)
To: Navy Patriot
“I’d like a Big Mystery Solved Combo Meal with Extradition, to go, please.”
14
posted on
12/11/2024 5:18:17 PM PST
by
BradyLS
(DO NOT FEED THE BEARS!)
To: Navy Patriot
In not-so funny news, there are efforts to identify and hunt down the individuals who recognized and got Mangione captured. All kinds of "snitches get stitches" stuff and all. The McDonald's in Altoona is catching its share of hate too.
https://www.yelp.com/biz/mcdonalds-altoona
15
posted on
12/11/2024 5:20:06 PM PST
by
lapsus calami
(What's that stink? Code Pink ! ! And their buddy Murtha, too!)
To: Navy Patriot
The FBI was too busy going through Melania Trump’s underwear drawer.
16
posted on
12/11/2024 5:21:17 PM PST
by
mass55th
(“Courage is being scared to death, but saddling up anyway.” ― John Wayne)
To: Navy Patriot
Truth!
17
posted on
12/11/2024 5:26:43 PM PST
by
Allegra
(Deplorable garbage)
To: TomServo
18
posted on
12/11/2024 5:32:50 PM PST
by
Larry Lucido
(Donate! Don't just post clickbait!)
To: KarlInOhio
Post of the month!!!
Genius!
19
posted on
12/11/2024 6:17:47 PM PST
by
fishtank
(The denial of original sin is the root of liberalism.)
To: Navy Patriot
20
posted on
12/11/2024 6:46:44 PM PST
by
fella
("As it was before Noah so shall it be again," )
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