I Love the Kids in My Life. And I’m Raising None of Them.

The New York Times ^ | Sept. 7, 2024, 5:01 a.m. ET | Glynnis MacNicol

[E. Pluribus Unum]

Recently, a book tour gave me the opportunity to travel around America. Budgets being what they are, I primarily chose cities where I had friends who would happily provide me with places to stay. These were homes, almost without exception, filled with children. I have no children of my own, and this felt like a serendipitous chance to catch up with many of the kids in my life.

In America, there is a persistent, pernicious belief that the only way to be invested in a child’s life is to be a parent — and, for women, to give birth to that child. (Ella and Cole Emhoff, among others, would like a word.) In a country that offers so little support to parents, this often feels like a not-so-covert argument for taking women back to a time when they lacked control over their bodies and their finances.

Recently, the Pew Research Center reported that 64 percent of women under 50 who don’t have children say they “just don’t want to.” This has contributed to another round of hand-wringing about birthrates and childless cat ladies. What the seemingly inexhaustible discussion around this topic leaves out is that many people who say they don’t want to birth or parent children do have children in their lives — other people’s. We rarely account for that, nor do we give full weight to the fulfillment these relationships provide.

Which is not entirely surprising. So often we hear about the annoyance of other people’s children — babies crying on planes, kids fussing at restaurants. Rarely do we talk about the pleasure of these little people, or how transformative it is to have children in your life whom you’re not raising.

[SuperLuminal]

"...people who say they don’t want to birth or parent children do have children in their lives — other people’s."

Clearly a philosophy followed by pedophiliac perverts like Biden and his friends...

[DesertRhino]

Childless lady creeps on other peoples children. Got it

[alternatives?]

Even two parents have a difficult life ahead with a disabled child. They can never really retire and there is a thought about what will happen when we are gone. If they have other kids that can relive some but it is difficult on these kids. It would be better if government helped these people out more than blowing the money on illegal aliens, wars, and useless degrees.

[Rdct29]

That’s exactly right. Her friend’s kids will grow up and see less and less of her as they do. They go off to college, get jobs and get married.

[Responsibility2nd]

Here Glynnis.

Here is your life....

[Jim W N]

I Love the Kids in My Life. And I’m Raising None of Them.

The mantra of the Women's Movement.

Sad

[desertfreedom765]

I was going to say something similar, but you got here first.

[stanne]

Yes I was referring to the allusion to Steve Marin’s joke about one night stands. Men deserting and abandoning their kids as comedy. Blech

[KarlInOhio]

people who say they don’t want to birth or parent children do have children in their lives — other people’s.

That is just plain creepy.

That reminded me of a recent Babylon Bee: 9 Best Reasons To Go Make A Baby RIGHT NOW

6. You get to cuddle a baby whenever you want without people shouting "Hey, who's that guy?" and "Give me back my baby!": It's much more relaxing.

[Right Brother]

***One reason they support open borders.***

Open borders. The great "government revenue" replacement theory.

[x]

So she likes kids but didn’t have any. That’s not something that needs to be politicized one way or the other. Yes, a society needs parents — and good ones — to survive, but whether she has kids or not is her own thing, and it’s a thing she should have kept to herself.

[Prince of Space]

It gets worse. In some districts, the entire family can go to the school for free meals, including during the summer if the school provides summer school. I learned this little factoid when the last “Red for Fred” protests flared up here in Phoenix a few yrs ago. Schools would have the money they need to successfully teach children and increase teachers’ salaries if not for all the social-welfare causes they’ve added to their responsibilities which end up draining their budgets. 😖

[Prince of Space]

My youngest daughter is 36 and has never wanted kids. She recently had her fallopian tubes removed, which I never knew was “a thing” as far as contraception. Her boyfriend is ambivalent about having kids for now, but if they change their minds, she said they’ll do IVF. I worry about her future but there’s no talking sense into her. She’s a liberal and thinks she knows it all, lol.

[Valpal1]

Your view isn’t factual. Single low income dads can qualify for the same program benefits as single mothers. They are income based, not gender based.

Most married women work these days so it’s not his house that he solely worked for.

The most common custody split these days is 50/50 with one week with one parent and the next week with the other. No child support needed.

Men who demand equal custody almost always get it. Men generally only lose custody because they have substance abuse issues or criminal histories.

I once sat in a divorce hearing where the husband asked to be awarded the family home because he needed the fenced yard for his hunting dog.

[A strike]

Good point, however
“Government can give you nothing it does not first take away.”

Err,.. umm,.. that depends on who the ‘you’ are.

[NelsTandberg]

As I don’t know how to reply to a list of posts, you get to be the guinea pig. I generally agree with you.

I have 7 formal, and two, informal godchildren. US, Japan, Germany. I’m not married, and decided because of genetics that I peobably would not have children. Type 1 diabetes, for example.

My godchildren are invested heavily in my life. Besides helping raise them (teaching them to drive and maintain autos, first solid food, reading stories 2x/week, 10 yrs of homework, navigating first loves, learning to fish or shoot, paying some of college or med schoool tuition, yada, yada, yada.

Three of them know me better than their parents do! All watch over me (now in my mid 70s) as I watched over them.

Two have blessed me with great god-children.

The crux of my diatribe? I can not imagine the deprivation experienced by those who have not been allowed by fate or circumstances to see and help an infant grow into a functioning, contributing member of human society.

[NavyShoe]

My entire adult life has been dedicated to my wife and kids. It’s not like I tried to make it that way, it’s just the way it is. Your kids validate everything. Without my kids what would I have done all this time?

[DIRTYSECRET]

Nils-you are a good fella-and lucky too. Many of us don’t see outside ourselves until it’s too late. I’ve heard of stories where a kid from a really dysfunctional family turned out ok because of a kind friend or neighbor. Everyone needs to find that sweet spot where they can help others in a way that doesn’t turn to the government. I was on a cross country ride on the Green Tortoise, a hippie bus line. SF to Boston. Mostly young. On board a French couple with a 4 year old daughter-very outgoing. She brought out all the motherly instincts of these young European women-most very pretty. It told me that motherhood is a woman’s calling. For the cat ladies out there they should all bring one child into the world no matter how screwed up they are. There’s help available. Perhaps JD should help them get there. He’ll find out how Harrison Butker feels.

[frank ballenger]

Food for thought.

[DIRTYSECRET]

Navy Shoe-You remind me of the Cuban Air Force General who defected in his leaving his family behind. Six months later he was able to procure a private airplane and rescue them. A General-he stated that without his family he’s nothing. The left doesn’t look at it that way.