Posted on 06/05/2024 7:27:07 PM PDT by DoodleBob
Growing up in a conservative family in California, I was used to being the odd one out. But that didn’t calm my nerves when the beautiful woman I’d asked to dinner started questioning my beliefs. “So, you’re pretty much a conservative,” she said, eyebrows raised in surprise. “Does that extend to abortion?”
I got a sinking feeling in my stomach, prepared for our date to come to a quick end. Expecting the worst, I said, “Yeah, I just haven’t come across an argument that would make abortion morally justifiable.” But to my great surprise, the conversation continued. In fact, it turned into a debate without becoming unfriendly.
Stranger still, more dates followed. And now, nine years later, that beautiful woman is my wife and the mother of our growing family. Here’s what we learned when we fell in love across the political divide.
Facing Down Partisan Headwinds
When my wife Tessa and I met, America was facing strong political headwinds. It was the fall of 2015, and Donald Trump was starting to look like the probable Republican nominee. Newscasters complained about polarization while doing everything they could to fan the flames of division. It was in this inauspicious setting that our romance began.
Perhaps it’s not surprising, then, that it didn’t take long for the spirit of the age to rear its ugly head. While hitchhiking from Kyoto to Tokyo, we fell into another abortion debate that slid into an argument. Instead of calmly exploring first principles, we both got angry and started hurling slogans at one another. We had made a crucial mistake.
Our tempers didn’t cool until later that evening, when a piece of luggage fell from the overhead compartment on a bus we had boarded and slammed into my head. In retrospect, the pain of that moment hit like an act of mercy. The argument had passed.
Avoiding Slogans at All Costs
The lesson of that first fight was simple: Slogans help no one. By resorting to well-worn phrases about bodily autonomy and the sanctity of the unborn, we had transformed a conversation into a competition. We beat one another over the head with our words in an attempt to “win.” In the end, both of us lost.
From that moment on, we both did our best to express our ideas using our own words. It wasn’t always easy—in fact, we had a few more arguments over abortion before we learned how to communicate more effectively. But every time a discussion turned ugly, we could trace the shift back to a slogan.
Heading for Deep Water
In the early years, my wife and I found opportunities to disagree about a wide range of issues. And when we talked about those issues directly, things could get unpleasant. That’s why, whenever possible, we tried to discuss topics in as much depth as we could.
It’s easy to get caught up in day-to-day disputes. Whether you’re discussing income tax, abortion, or marriage, the battle lines have already been drawn out for you. All you have to do is pick a side and start arguing.
For whatever reason, people get more upset about the details than the really important stuff. My wife and I, for example, could have all sorts of disagreements about taxation, but we never once had an ugly argument about the meaning of life or the way to happiness. When you talk about the big, often metaphysical questions, things become more peaceful.
Patience is Key
A long-term perspective can also help calm controversy. Once it was clear that our relationship wasn’t going to be temporary, each of us didn’t so strongly feel the need to convince the other.
Over the course of our marriage, our values have naturally meshed. Through a long and steady process, both of us have cast away opinions that aren’t grounded in anything more than bias. In fact, we have ended up with a pretty similar worldview.
Keeping an Open Mind
According to an analysis by the Institute for Family Studies, only about 20 percent of married couples are politically mixed, and under 4 percent of marriages are between Democrats and Republicans. This is just another sign of the times.
I understand why people aren’t open to falling in love across the political divide. We want a potential spouse to share our values. Yet when we refuse to love anyone who disagrees with us, even on hot-button issues, we close ourselves off to loving anything but an image of ourselves.
Besides, values are more than mere words. Instead, they are made in the daily practice of love. Will we be open when it comes knocking?
Anyone who ‘falls in love’ acrossparty.lines is headed for certain disaster. No ifs, ands, or bits about it.
Don’t marry a Leftist. Period.
I dated a radical feminist Democrat in college. She aspired to be a lawyer, so she loved to argue. That bitch picked an ideological fight at every opportunity. I got sick of it really fast and dumped her. I learned my lesson early.
“Anyone who ‘falls in love’ acrossparty.lines is headed for certain disaster. No ifs, ands, or bits about it.”
Just Say No!
Anyone who ‘falls in love’ acrossparty.lines is headed for certain disaster. No ifs, ands, or bits about it.
**********************
Agreed. I just skimmed the article so don’t know if it ever came up. How would he handle his wife wanting to abort one of their lovely children? I assume they have children cause he said “family.”
I could never imagine living with someone who has total polar opposite beliefs. My brother is a rabid liberal. I love him, but only cause I’m not around him everyday. I believe I would disown him if it was more frequent. He even told me he wished someone would shoot Trump.And he meant it.
“I understand why people aren’t open to falling in love across the political divide. We want a potential spouse to share our values. Yet when we refuse to love anyone who disagrees with us, even on hot-button issues, we close ourselves off to loving anything but an image of ourselves.”
Disagree. You can save yourself a whole lot of heartache(and cash!) by not getting involved with a liberal especially marrying one. Sure you might convert a liberal who has been misinformed or just ignorant on facts. But an indoctrinated liberal is virtually impossible to change their viewpoint. This guy is in for a world of hurt. He can ignore the elephant in the room for a while but eventually it will rear its ugly head and destroy the marriage.
I agree, Prince.
Stay with your kind. You don’t have to agree on every single issue, but a few key ones are:
Your religion and how devout you are
How you handle money
Your approach to work
Open marriages
Abortion
Guns
If you can agree on those, a lot of smaller issues will follow or you will compromise.
A devout person who believes in the sanctity of marriage will never be happy in an open marriage no matter how much gaslighting they get.
A committed worker who lives within their means will never be happy with a sybarite who blows their paycheck every week, etc.
Recipe for disaster.
Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?
2 Corinthians 6:14
Never sleep with a woman who would murder your child.
Good advice.
I wouldn’t even want to be in the same room with them.
Thirty-five years ago I dated a woman who was a conventional liberal. She was cute and nice and fun and a great cook. We stopped dating after a while but have remained friends. She went completely Obamabot in 2008 and has become more Leftist as the years have gone by. I see what she posts on FB. It would have eventually been a nightmare to be married to her.
She's a woman. What did you expect?
Leftist girls are easy though.
“Just mention modern art, civil rights, or folk music and you’re in like Flynn!”
Well, I know women who are not like that and, at the time, I would never have imagined how crazy our politics would become.
Lesson learned.
Yeah, well...
I was a young, poor college student and I knew I had no business having sex. Even though she wanted me to pork her badly. Knowing that there are no life-long consequences that could have kept her in my life forever, I have no regrets.
Ditto. Enough conservative women turn to the left as they age and feel White Privileged Guilt
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.