Posted on 06/05/2023 1:28:54 PM PDT by DallasBiff
Dear Jane,
I left my husband four years ago when I met the new love of my life who I am now married to, but every day I realize what a terrible mistake I made, and I would do anything to turn back the clock.
I am not exactly unhappily married, but I know this isn't what marriage should be, and I am burning with regret over leaving my former husband, who was - I now know - the true great love of my life. He is with someone else now, and my current husband would be devastated if he knew how I felt, so I am carrying this alone.
Dear Regretful,
First of all, let me start by saying that I am sorry, truly, for the pain you are in. As a dyed-in-the-wool romantic, who grew up watching Hollywood movies and reading endless romance novels, the phrase that jumps out at me in your letter is this: 'I know this isn't what marriage should be.'
I have been thinking about our expectations around romance, and how horribly unprepared we are for the institution of marriage.
(Excerpt) Read more at dailymail.co.uk ...
Dear Regretful: tough nuts!
The grass isn’t always greener on the other side of the fence.......I learned that before I got outta grade school......but some people are always looking for the BBD.
Going back to about 1982 to 2004 (marriage) I’ve had about eight girlfriends. One of them was my heartbreak. Every single one of them has tried to come back to me, even the heartbreaker. I’m proud to be good friends with most of them to this day. Her husband found the strength to move on and that’s what reallllly drives her crazy. Just a guess from my own experience.
“Married again” = adultery.
Not everyone believes that’s true in every case.
That’s exactly right. Based on an divorce site that I was part of for awhile, women like this get the most upset if their ex-husband that they dumped ends up marrying as well or even upwards from the woman in question.
Men’s relative choices get better with age, not worse.
BEBOT: Definition of the Tagalog word bebot in English.
Definition for the Tagalog word bebot: bebot. [noun] chick; babe; boo; pretty girl; pretty woman; Slang for an attractive woman
Too late, no refunds. May your life serve as a warning to others.
She chose poorly. 😐
Nose to nose his toes were in it, toes to toes his nose was it it!
We are all sinners. I’m a wretch like the rest of us.
But to say “I am sorry, truly, for the pain you are in.” That implies that Regretful’s pain is worthy of sorrow.
Not all pain is equal...the pain a mother feels in a miscarriage and the pain a parent experiences when burying a child is one level of pain. Those are pains borne out of innocence, through no fault of the experience owner.
If Jane had cut the tacit blaming of society for Regretful’s actions in the first few paragraphs, and started at “The thing is, Regretful, marriage very quickly loses the romance...” it’d be better.
That said, I agree....Jane gave good advice.
I would say that pain due to drastic, volitional mistakes is far more worthy of our sorrow.
Someone who is entirely innocent bears no guilt, and has recompense in that knowledge. But someone who has made their own hell adds personal guilt to their suffering, and suffers even more.
I don’t rejoice in seeing anyone suffer.
The advice columnists write the letters that they comment on.
I dunno, Mindanao is a little too close to the ARMM region for me. Lots of bebots available further north.
I guess clearly I haven’t enough time in the Central Philippine! Thanks for educating me... ‘Bebot’ has a nice ring to it.
I doubt she'll ever see him again. Better off just jumping overboard and swimming to the next richer boat that comes along, as women are wont to do.
[CANDIDE]
Since marriage is divine, of course
We cannot understand, sir
Why there should be so much divorce
Do let us know the answer
[ENSEMBLE]
Do let us know the answer
[PANGLOSS]
Why, marriage, boy
Is such a joy
So lovely a condition
That many ask no better than
To wed as often as they can
In happy repetition
[CUNEGONDE & ENSEMBLE]
A brilliant exposition
In that case, it's likely that she is not the best HE can get.
Particularly from about 35 on.
Women still think of themselves as they were at 20 and will not be satisfied with less than Prince Charming, not realizing that Prince Charming will be going for younger women, but may settle for her for a one-night if he's got nobody better lined up.
Women whine "why didn't he call?", and the answer they don't want to hear is "he found someone better than you".
Yes she did. Feminism did women no service on this point. Prior to feminism, women understood that their 20’s should be spent seeking the best man they can find to marry and have a husband. They understood that their prospects would diminish over time.
Now, they think their twenties can be spent at sexual buffets to do all kinds of things and then they wonder where the men are when she is ready to settle down.
By this time, the men are either not available because a smarter woman snapped them up in their twenties or the men, who have finally come of age, have not made themselves available because they are now acting like the 20ish year olds they wanted to be but couldn’t, because women kept rejecting them.
Yeah, every liberal
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