Posted on 03/04/2023 8:30:15 AM PST by Cronos
I have shared an office and a train home five days a week for 20 years with a chap I’ll call T. He calls me his “work wife”.
He does have a real wife and family. I’m many years divorced. Our relationship is very sibling-ish, and we’ve become, over the years, very close – we share things we don’t share with our “real” friends and family and just by virtue of the time spent together, we have shared a lot of our lives. We have never socialised outside work, aside from at work functions, and have never been to each other’s homes.
The thing is, we’re both retiring this year. And the chances are we will not see each other again, since that’s not the relationship we have. And I know I will miss him.
I’ll miss the everyday closeness, the banter, the laughs, the rants. I imagine he feels the same at some level (we don’t talk about things like that). How does one navigate ending relationships like this? Because I know it’ll end – it’s not that we don’t have all kinds of things in common, but without the framework of work, would we have anything real?
It’s the only drawback to retirement for me. I have other (female) work friends who I know I will see because we do socialise outside of work anyway, but I shall miss T. Any suggestions for finding a way to maintain a relationship, or should I just accept that this is one of the things that retirement does, and let it go?
---------
Work gives us an excuse to cultivate very close friendships that, outside the “office” may require more explanation or may just not be possible. It’s a safe way, to get very close to someone
(Excerpt) Read more at theguardian.com ...
I keep up with about 10 former colleagues from my prior jobs. A couple are mentors of mine, a few I mentor and a handful I’m just friends with - only one I see a lot. Several of them have met my wife. As I plan to retire in the next 2-4 years in my early to mid 40s though it is something I pondor at filling my time. Fortunately, most of my friends will be empty nesters in the next 5-10 years, and hope to travel with them a lot, although we travel a lot on our own and with our parents some.
Is this Fettermans wife talking?
It led to trouble.
I retired recently and although I miss some of the people I do keep in occasional touch with a few of them - the ones with whom I have the most in common. Some of these people I’ve worked with for 30 years or more at different companies.
Yes. That could be a danger in male female friendships
If they are casual acquaintances, which is the case 98% of the time you treat them the way you would if you move to a new job. Promise to stay in touch and send them a Christmas card for two years and then stop.
In this case they are on shaky ground morally because he is married and they are having a romance even if they have not yet had sex.
Once their relationship moves out of being in public all the time they will tumble into bed.
“not stuck in a job longer than 5 years”
And I think even that exceeds the average in the US these recent years. The problem the woman writes about is unique. I cannot believe somebody could do the same job next to the same guy in the same office for TWENTY years. Neither of them got a new job or promotion in all that time? Hard to believe.
The lesson here is to NOT do that in your career.
I spent five years at my first job, but it was all field service engineering, so didn’t have the chance to make any real friendships. Then 20 years at a company in two different divisions.
Then closed out with one more five year job and a series of five or six 2-year jobs including a couple years of consulting.
So I never faced the problem this woman has.
Because it is not possible - and any intelligent person past their teenage years understands that. What is your next point? :)
I have the same concern about a person I call my “work daughter”. She is same age as my actual daughter, and she is a troubled person that I worry about.
Bowling league...
It is a Situational Relationship. Changing any dynamic, such as time, place, function, will alter that relationship in ways that can’t be foreseen, and few results will be positive.
Truth is, you were just in the cage next to him at the zoo. And now the zoo is closing.
Sadly. It’s done.
Invite him and his family to join your church, and then volunteer him for a committee chairmanship.
Simple, say something like “Lunch?”.
Only if she’s hot. If she’s ugly (and/or old), the guy is not going to want to sleep with her.
Take my advice. Not your problem. Say nothing.
if he’s married and you are not, just say bye it’s been fun.
I wouldn’t want my husband to have a “work wife”.
It may have been a clerical job I guess. My mum was in the same banking role for 30 odd years until the late 90s
What does one do with work relations after one retired?
Clubs based on some common factor used to be a big part of our society. Clubs have declined. Friendship is usually based on a common factor. So what are your common connections to other people?
So............. IF you have 3 people who don’t look at your watch during your funeral, you did pretty good. If you have 3 people there, you did pretty good.
“I retired recently and although I miss some of the people I do keep in occasional touch with a few of them”
Similar to you I punched out at the end of 2019.
After 31 years in a facility of around 3,000 people I knew quite a few folks.....I can tell you of the people I worked around the ones that I still keep in touch with is a VERY short list.
We have dinner regularly with my last supervisor and her husband......after that not really anyone....mostly because a lot of work acquaintances live in another county.
The number of people I miss is a lot less than the number of ones I don’t 😏
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.