Posted on 01/05/2023 8:38:18 PM PST by grundle
Julia Naftulin writes Insider's dating, sex, and relationships advice column Doing It Right.Julia Naftulin
My ex and I were high school sweethearts. We dated for 10 years, moved to two cities together, and talked about marriage.
In August 2021, my ex suddenly said he had to end the relationship to be alone. He said he didn't know if he could ever get married.
A year and a half later, I've learned how to practice self-compassion, ask for help, and find gratitude after grief.
When my ex-boyfriend sat me down to break up with me in August 2021, I didn't realize it was happening. He had to sit me down again the next day to make sure I understood. He needed to move on, alone, without me.
We dated for 10 years, starting during our junior year of high school. Throughout that time, we talked about marriage and moved to two different cities together. Sure, the pandemic put a strain on our relationship, but I thought it was par for the course. I imagined we could get through anything together because I loved him, our love, and the memories we shared. I loved how our high school friendship became so much more, how we grew up together, and how he felt like the first man who really wanted to know me. For him, I learned, that wasn't enough.
For a few months, I could barely eat or go a day without crying. It felt like my world had collapsed and I was left alone to figure out what to do with the rubble.
A year and a half later, after bouts of extreme sadness, anger, and confusion, I've found closure. It's something an earlier version of myself couldn't have imagined.
(Excerpt) Read more at yahoo.com ...
That tattoo on her right arm is Blasphemy for her to have had it put there. The guy might have been in the wrong but it was good for him to have gotten away from her. She is evil!
The tats don’t help.
Sitting here laughing. So true!
I “got the best 10 years of her life” stolen from me.
I guess it goes both ways...
I hadn’t noticed that. Fits with the COVID Fear Porn depression she suffered. I’m amazed it took the guy TEN YEARS to run away!
being able to produce a child and being attractive to most men are two different things. She definitely does not have 15 years for the latter. Or 10. Or 5.
The window for women to reproduce doesn't close at 30. For marrying however, their odds of getting married decline drastically once they hit 30. That's because men overwhelmingly prefer younger women. Her ability to get a good man...the kind who is not an addict, is steadily employed, doesn't have major issues (eg psychological, kids from another women, etc) and most especially her ability to get a good catch....ie an educated man who keeps himself reasonably fit and who doesn't have kids with other women, really falls off a cliff at 30.
She may be able to settle if she's lucky once her youth is gone but rest assured, she will do nowhere near as well as guys she turned down in her 20s.....or she could probably get one who satisfies her criteria if she were willing to consider men in their mid 40s to 50. But of course, most women are not willing to either settle down with a man who makes less than they do or with one who is 10-20 years older so they end up with boxed wine, cats and a hatred of men. I've seen it time and time again.
Getting laid is one thing. There will always be guys willing to hit it and quit it. Getting a man to marry them is quite another. They're not getting that.
The Median age for a woman to be married for the first time in the united states is 28.5 years. That means exactly half get married for the first time at an age under that and exactly half get married at an age over that. So hardly is a woman in her 30s destined for old maid status. When I was 30, I lived in SW PA, I moved to California for a job. I went from being in a situation most of my peers were, where by 30 majority were married and had kids, to a situation where most of my peers were still single, in fact I was only 1 of 2 people in my entire division that had kids, and maybe 1 of 3 that were married, and we were all around the same age, late 20s to mid 30s (men and women). fast forward 20+ years, and nearly all of them are now married and raising kids. You think a 30something year old isn’t desirable? That’s not remotely true.
Yes it is true. Although the average age of marriage has steadily increased, the odds of a woman getting married after 30 decline considerably and by 35 its pretty rare that it happens at all. And that's to say nothing of desirability. That declines massively once all of a woman's youth is gone. At that point with very very few exceptions, she is going to need to lower her sights because the men she's been pursuing are out of her league. Single, successful men who are desirable to women are of course going to prefer women in their 20s to women in their 30s. That has always been the case and is never going to change.
Yes, the pool of available folks has shrunk (well folks you would consider seriously dating anyway) when you get into your 30s, but it hardly are you destined to be single if you haven’t tied the knot by 30.
The pool hasn't really shrunk for men...in fact if they've finished their education and gotten established in their careers, the pool of women who would want them has increased rather than decreased. The reverse is true for women. They were at their most desirable in their early 20s. There are reams of evidence from the various dating sites that show this. Women in their early 20s are the most desirable for all ages of men.
Yes dating in your 30s is different from dating in your 20s, but the oh you have no shot, men wont want you is nonsense.
Desirable men generally won't want you. Why would they when they can get a desirable woman in her 20s who is at her peak rather than on the downward slope? At the point of hitting 30, women have to either lower their expectations or they will remain single. Increasingly, they remain single.
No wonder why FR has become so wimpy. One-hundred and forty-seven replies to teen girl soap opera schlock from the commies at Yahoo.
FR is finished.
Median Age at First Marriage, 2020
"The median age at first marriage in the United States has increased steadily since the mid-20th century. In the mid-1950s, the median age was at a record low of just over 20 for women and 22 for men, but by 2020, the median age was 28 for women and 30 for men..."
And by the way, we’ve established from actually reading the article that she is at most 28, and that she has already found a new love interest. While she does seem morally rudderless, chances are her new love is an equally clueless millennial, so it’s entirely possible that they will get married in order to have the material things today’s young people seem to crave more than a holy lifetime promise. I wish them well.
You know what else is becoming increasingly common? Not marrying at all.
This is far more than a teen angst story. Ignore them at your peril.
Understanding the mindsets of people grants insight into how the U.S. and the West have gotten to the state we are in. This story is tied to third wave Feminism which continues attacking the social fabric of people's lives as well as the society as a whole. We have an entire government-social structure based on government intrusion into personal lives. Among other things, this includes a government siding with women who make poor life choices.
These people vote, they support causes, and they spread their thinking to others.
The not marrying at all part shows there are a lot of men who are not willing to marry a woman older than her 20s.
Only 44% of Millenials are married.
Your point of view is valid for you. It is not a statistic. But hey, keep digging.
And, low on the hot axis. Definitely no-go other than for chubbo lovers.
My point of view is held by most men around the world and always has been. Men prefer younger women especially those in their early to mid 20s.
If she wanted marriage, it was her job to lock down a man. Men have little control over much in relationships these days but they still have agency over commitment.
This is more than that. Relationships between the sexes have been ruined at a record pace in the past 10-15 years or so by feminism. There are tons of repercussions running through westernt socity, to where a story like this one, being together for 10 years, does not end in marraige.
Some people need a daily dose of insipid soap operas to remind themselves that leftists suck.
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