Posted on 01/05/2023 8:38:18 PM PST by grundle
Julia Naftulin writes Insider's dating, sex, and relationships advice column Doing It Right.Julia Naftulin
My ex and I were high school sweethearts. We dated for 10 years, moved to two cities together, and talked about marriage.
In August 2021, my ex suddenly said he had to end the relationship to be alone. He said he didn't know if he could ever get married.
A year and a half later, I've learned how to practice self-compassion, ask for help, and find gratitude after grief.
When my ex-boyfriend sat me down to break up with me in August 2021, I didn't realize it was happening. He had to sit me down again the next day to make sure I understood. He needed to move on, alone, without me.
We dated for 10 years, starting during our junior year of high school. Throughout that time, we talked about marriage and moved to two different cities together. Sure, the pandemic put a strain on our relationship, but I thought it was par for the course. I imagined we could get through anything together because I loved him, our love, and the memories we shared. I loved how our high school friendship became so much more, how we grew up together, and how he felt like the first man who really wanted to know me. For him, I learned, that wasn't enough.
For a few months, I could barely eat or go a day without crying. It felt like my world had collapsed and I was left alone to figure out what to do with the rubble.
A year and a half later, after bouts of extreme sadness, anger, and confusion, I've found closure. It's something an earlier version of myself couldn't have imagined.
(Excerpt) Read more at yahoo.com ...
Have not read all the new repolies, but will be surprised if the usual suspects do not show up to slam any that point out her incipient obesity.
Oh. I see. Well, that’s different.
“tattoo”
In the old days we called those “tramp stamps”—not sure if that is still valid.
Sorry but who hasn’t been “burned” at some point, seriously. Who ends up married to the first person they date or get serious with? Breakups are part of life, getting burned doesn’t turn you bitter.
You are really projecting here, there is NOTHING in this article that implies she is bitter.
No the window for reproducing and marrying for a woman does not close at 30.
In fact the MEDIAN age for getting married for a woman is 28.5 years in the US. That means exactly half are under that age, and half are over that age.
She’s hardly going to wind up an old biddy, being single at 30 (Which is the most she could possibly be at the moment).
If she were pushing 40, then yes, she’d definitely be pushing on the reproductive side of things, but at mid 20s to 30? Hardly.
There is the normal teenage coming of age getting burned and then there is ten year living together thought for sure we would get married burned.
The details matter.
Men can smell that badly burnt toast burned a mile away.
You keep focusing on reproductive age.
That is a fatal error—and one she may be making as well.
She needs to max out her appearance now—with hard and unpleasant gym work (think boot camp) she will probably hate.
The hard gym work will also help her psyche—get her to really move on—because the body helps drive the mind.
Once she starts hating the pain from the hard gym work more than the ex-boyfriend then she is on the right path.
“The window is their attractiveness to men. “
Hahaha, by that logic no woman in their 30s or more is getting laid unless they are married, and that’s nonsense.
I don’t know where you live, but here are the facts.
The Median age for a woman to be married for the first time in the united states is 28.5 years. That means exactly half get married for the first time at an age under that and exactly half get married at an age over that.
So hardly is a woman in her 30s destined for old maid status.
When I was 30, I lived in SW PA, I moved to California for a job. I went from being in a situation most of my peers were, where by 30 majority were married and had kids, to a situation where most of my peers were still single, in fact I was only 1 of 2 people in my entire division that had kids, and maybe 1 of 3 that were married, and we were all around the same age, late 20s to mid 30s (men and women).
fast forward 20+ years, and nearly all of them are now married and raising kids.
You think a 30something year old isn’t desirable? That’s not remotely true. Yes, the pool of available folks has shrunk (well folks you would consider seriously dating anyway) when you get into your 30s, but it hardly are you destined to be single if you haven’t tied the knot by 30.
Yes dating in your 30s is different from dating in your 20s, but the oh you have no shot, men wont want you is nonsense.
Missed her biological window?
When do you think menopause happens exactly?
They met in high school and dated for 10 years, that means she’d be somewhere around 24 to 28 when they broke up... 1.5 years since breakup would make her 25.5 to 29.5.
You think a woman at 30 is barren?
What nonsense.
As they say, no matter how hot the girl is, some guy is tired of her.
Where is me pointing out to you that the median age for a woman getting married in the US is 28.5 years focusing on reproduction?
You are the one trying to say her window is closed which is beyond comical.
Half of all women in the US get married for the first time after the age of 28.5, yet this woman, who’s age could be at MOST 30 has missed her window?
Laughable.
Her dating value is decreasing more every day.
This is not an all or nothing situation.
Her expectations are probably remaining the same while her opportunities are slowly drifting away.
She can turn it around—but first she needs to stop the denial of the ticking dating clock and get to work.
No one gives a shiite about men, thats why we don’t write about our problems. Stop whining, quit complaining. Man up. Deal with it. You sound like a girl.
Which is why men, never listen to anyone, especially women, telling you you need to open up. Its a trap. They wont be compassionate, it will be viewed as weakness on your part, and it will destroy their respect and relationship with you. If they perceive you as weak it means they cant be weak and lean on you, its a huge turnoff no matter what they say otherwise.
Multiple arm tattoos that I can see, are a big red flag, gentlemen.
I was single for 20 odd years and by chance I met a woman down in Texas who looks like the meadow and smells like the feed lot. I knew after the first day I spent with her on horseback that she was the one for me. I never met anyone like her and had resigned myself to dying alone. Maybe I still will but I intend to be her best friend anyway.
Or you just trained her that if she waits long enough, you’ll wind up cleaning up. Wouldn’t regard that as a win-win.
I think too many people suffer from the grass is greener fallacy on a number of things. There are always people who’d be ready to trade places with you, where you are currently, in an instant.
Hope it works for you. Just watch your six, no one else will. And if it goes south, everyone will blame you for not doing your due diligence, they won’t treat you like a woman and support you and you go girl and all that bs.
“looks like the meadow and smells like the feed lot”
????
The cool thing is that she surprises me in the same way.
It is called leading by example—has worked for us.
Thats good. Hope it stays that way.
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