Posted on 01/05/2023 8:38:18 PM PST by grundle
Julia Naftulin writes Insider's dating, sex, and relationships advice column Doing It Right.Julia Naftulin
My ex and I were high school sweethearts. We dated for 10 years, moved to two cities together, and talked about marriage.
In August 2021, my ex suddenly said he had to end the relationship to be alone. He said he didn't know if he could ever get married.
A year and a half later, I've learned how to practice self-compassion, ask for help, and find gratitude after grief.
When my ex-boyfriend sat me down to break up with me in August 2021, I didn't realize it was happening. He had to sit me down again the next day to make sure I understood. He needed to move on, alone, without me.
We dated for 10 years, starting during our junior year of high school. Throughout that time, we talked about marriage and moved to two different cities together. Sure, the pandemic put a strain on our relationship, but I thought it was par for the course. I imagined we could get through anything together because I loved him, our love, and the memories we shared. I loved how our high school friendship became so much more, how we grew up together, and how he felt like the first man who really wanted to know me. For him, I learned, that wasn't enough.
For a few months, I could barely eat or go a day without crying. It felt like my world had collapsed and I was left alone to figure out what to do with the rubble.
A year and a half later, after bouts of extreme sadness, anger, and confusion, I've found closure. It's something an earlier version of myself couldn't have imagined.
(Excerpt) Read more at yahoo.com ...
8 years earlier?
Did you read the article? They met in high school. At most she would have been 20 8 years earlier...
Can’t say I would have stuck around for 10 years without a ring, but fact they weren’t engaged inside of 2 years at 20 years old (at most)?? Be serious.
But talk is meaningless
Indeed cue that’s life song
ROFL!!!
Good men don't want to marry garden tools.
Did you actually read her article?
I didn’t see anything in the article that suggested she is Bitter or turned into a man hater... seems you are projecting onto her things that are not present.
As I said they MET in High School an dated for 10 years and its been 1.5 years since they broke up.
Depending when in HS they met, she is anywhere from 26 to 30 today at the most. I can’t believe folks here are seriously trying to tell a woman in her mid 20s to at most 30 she’s missed her chance? What nonsense.
IF you think a 26-30 year old woman is suffering from not being desired, then I don’t know where to even go with that. The average age for women to get married is 28.5 years in the US... this woman is not in any risk of missing her window.
Correction, MEDIAN age, not average age.
From the looks of the picture there’s plenty of milk there to get.
I am not saying she is a “man hater”.
However, she has been burned.
It is very difficult for a woman to hide that “hurt” from a new date or partner.
There are so many little “tells”—body language, tone of voice, perhaps fake smiles instead of a pure loving laugh.
While men do not excel in picking up these little cues at the conscious level they do figure it out in the subconscious.
They will say “I didn’t really like her but I don’t know exactly why...”
“I wasn’t really attracted to her.”
This is a continuum—a man will think back on the infectious laughter on a young love and compare it to what is in front of him...and say...nope...not what I am looking for...
“The tattoos and piercings are real turn-offs for me.”
On the inside of her right arm above the elbow. Is that a tattoo of a cheeseburger?
I’m also not a chick. :^)
The window is late teens - 30.
She doesn’t have much time left and she needs to hit the gym and shed some pounds. The window is closing fast.
The window is not how long they can have kids. My mom and dad were 42 when I was born.
The window is their attractiveness to men. Most men have an extremely strong preference for women in their 20s over women in their 30s....even their early 30s. By their late 30s, very few women find a man. Yes, you may know this or that one who did but that is rare. The VAST majority of the time, if a woman gets to 35 without finding a man, she is never going to....and prospects from 30-35 ain’t good either.
Congratulations to you and your bride.
She says she was barely able to eat, yet looks pretty curvy in the photo.
Not complaining, I like curvy.
Point being, had she maybe been a little too comfortable in her 10 year relationship and let herself go? Maybe put on a few pounds? Married people can get away with that to a certain extent. Living together? All bets are off.
Just guessing, but if she dated for 10 years, then she’s not likely to find, qualify and marry a man in the next year or two. Can’t guess how “most men” would judge things, but if someone was unmarried over 30 and had very little experience with a variety of men...I’d consider that a big warning flag.
There are exceptions, but now add she freaked out over COVID so bad that she needed therapy, and the tats/piercings, and if I was a guy in my 30s with a future, I’d make SURE that future did NOT include her!
If you then add that she discusses her boyfriends to a national audience, I’d run like a scalded butt ape!
Please. The narcissist generation reads advice from a 28-year-old who has never been in a truly committed relationship, who allowed herself to be used like an Uber, whose judgment criteria are feelings instead of logic, and whose moral principles were formed by Hollywood.
Not that I blame her completely. Wisdom of the ages has been overruled by corrupt pop culture since her great-grandparents' days.
Come quickly, Lord.
Maybe, for men who think their woman should always be in her mid-twenties (max), no matter how old, fat, bald or smelly they become. But she still has fifteen years to find a decent guy and have a child.
That said, first she needs a Biblical source of moral precepts.
There was not a single comment prior to yours that favored her or condemned the man. Most have acknowledged her foolishness.
You haul out your favorite axe to grind on every thread and frankly, it's getting quite boring.
My first thought as well!
This reminds me a bit of one of my grad school classmates, a professional dancer and instructor that was going for her master’s degree. Lived with her boyfriend, approaching mid-thirties...couldn’t tell how hard she was pushing the issue of tying the knot, but it was clearly getting to her.
What is a nice Jewish girl doing with a writing tattoo on her inner forearm? That’s where the nazis tattooed the prisoner number. I’ll never forget the day in 1972 when an aged grocer in the neighborhood pulled back her sleeve and showed me the number tattooed on her inner forearm.
This girl moved away from her family who could have talked to her, that history didn’t start the day she was born. Lust is formed below the waist; passion above the waist but below the head. Family is formed with the mind as well as the nether regions.
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