Posted on 11/29/2022 11:38:35 AM PST by Tolerance Sucks Rocks
Typically, in American schools, bullying is like the dark cousin to prom, student elections, or football practice: Maybe you weren’t involved, but you knew that someone, somewhere was. In 2011, President Obama spoke against this inevitability at the White House Conference on Bullying Prevention. “With big ears and the name that I have, I wasn’t immune. I didn’t emerge unscathed,” he said. “But because it’s something that happens a lot, and it’s something that’s always been around, sometimes we’ve turned a blind eye to the problem.”
We know that we shouldn’t turn a blind eye: Research shows that bullying is corrosive to children’s mental health and well-being, with consequences ranging from trouble sleeping and skipping school to psychiatric problems, such as depression or psychosis, self-harm, and suicide.
But the damage doesn’t stop there. You can’t just close the door on these experiences, says Ellen Walser deLara, a family therapist and professor of social work at Syracuse University, who has interviewed more than 800 people age 18 to 65 about the lasting effects of bullying. Over the years, deLara has seen a distinctive pattern emerge in adults who were intensely bullied. In her 2106 book, Bullying Scars, she introduces a name for the set of symptoms she often encounters: adult post-bullying syndrome, or APBS.
DeLara estimates that more than a third of the adults she’s spoken to who were bullied have this syndrome. She stresses that APBS is a description, not a diagnosis—she isn’t seeking to have APBS classified as a psychiatric disorder. “It needs considerably more research and other researchers to look at it to make sure that this is what we’re seeing,” deLara says.
(Excerpt) Read more at getpocket.com ...
Oh, please - sign up for the Marines and cure your “postbullying whine syndrome”.
This isn’t about bullying. This is about bullying those who express disapproval of homosexuality. The Left doesn’t give a flip about bullying as such: homosexuality crybullying is their favorite tactic.
The simple answer to bullying is to fight back, and there are many ways to do that.
Marines fixed that.
The only way to deal with a bully is: NOW!
Never was “bullying” a concern until it was taken up as cover for the poor, dear, put-upon homos. It is code for that, mostly these days.
Otherwise, I think the term is abused.
EVERY single instance of being made fun of is labeled “bullying” now.
In my day, I was constantly the butt of insults. Many were constant from the same people. Epbut even that I didn’t consider “bullying”.
To me bullying means constant harassment with physical threats and abuse.
This only happened to me once or twice.
Mostly it was girls and boys insulting my looks.
Much as I hated them, I didn’t think of them as bullies, per se. Unlike the girl who followed me home even from my bus top and threatened she and her goon boys would beat me up. For being ugly.
Debasing the meaning of words has to stop.
The simple answer to bullying is to fight back, and there are many ways to do that.
~~~
Except that it’s not that simple.
If you are going to stand up for yourself, you’re very likely to be punished by authority.
This makes it a personal, if not a moral, dilemma.
Well, not always. When I was in high school, I punched a bully in the face after he harassed me several times including taking a portable radio that was in my locker and smashing it to pieces.
Turns out he was part of a gang, and for the next year and a half, I had the entire gang after me. You can't fight back when it's an entire gang and nobody else is backing you up because they are afraid to get involved and become victims themselves.
But I do agree fighting back is the way to go as it will never stop otherwise. But as the bullied, you can sometimes find yourself in a no-win situation.
The fault with bullying lies with the parents and the school faculty. Anybody bullying in school should be expelled and sent back to the parents to deal with.
I raised my own children never to bully others and to never make fun of other children who had social skills issues or other difficulties.
“If you are going to stand up for yourself, you’re very likely to be punished by authority.”
Maybe, maybe not. If the bully is part of the authority, your point is well-taken. However, probably more often the bully is not associated with authority, and is just someone with an inferiority complex who seeks to dominate those who are smaller and weaker.
“This makes it a personal, if not a moral, dilemma.”
It is only a dilemma if one makes it so.
“You can’t fight back when it’s an entire gang and nobody else is backing you up because they are afraid to get involved and become victims themselves.”
That’s where you are wrong. “Fighting back” is not limited to physical fighting. Use your imagination, and you can make life hell for the bully.
I was bullied terribly in school. I hated it at the time, but it turned me into an independent-thinking, strong-willed adult. My bullies were the mainstream stereotypes, and in high school I chose to be the antithesis of them - it’s likely why my alternative, gothic, punky style and rebellious nature came from.
Good thing, too. Look at what the mainstream has turned into.
I was bullied in the seventh grade by this guy about twice my size.
I decided to turn the problem into an opportunity.
I hated the public school and wanted to convince my parents to get me out of there and into a private school.
I waited until the very last day of the year and when the bully went after me I fought back as hard as I could as dirty as I could.
He beat me to a bloody pulp.
When I got home I told my parents either get me out of there or get ready to bury me.
They sent me to private school the next year—problem solved.
I was bullied. I despise bullies and believe they should have their a$$es kicked in the extreme. I am against bullying and believe it should be identified and stopped as soon as detected.
But I don’t whine and cry about it today. It made me stronger and taught me how to stand up to bullies (the best lesson you can get). I certainly do not relive it and the events never had any effect on my adult life.
It was almost always my experience growing up watching bullies work (and having been bullied a few times, was that they were ALMOST ALWAYS just threat displays, particularly if you were in school, and not on the street.
A lot of kids dealt with bullies with wit. Usually, if you can out-insult them, they learn to avoid you. No one likes to look stupid. There is some risk however, because some bullies escalate if you don’t capitulate. Then, you are back to standing up for yourself physically, out of necessity.
There are also different kinds of bullies. There are some that know they can kick your ass. Those are the ones who need the deftest touch, or avoidance if you can manage it. Giving them a fight is exactly what they want, and standing up to them doesn’t work. They’re more than happy to kick your arse a second and third time.
It is a dilemma, whether you make it one or not, if you face consequences no matter which path you choose. A black-eye and a suspension versus social humiliation is not an easy choice, and fighting back is no guarantee to end anything. Usually it does, because most bullies are insecure people and don’t like dealing with people who fight back. But it’s always a risk.
“But it’s always a risk.”
EVERYTHING is a risk to one extent or another. Hell, getting out of bed in the morning is a risk. But we do it anyway because we know that NOT getting out of bed is usually a greater risk, as it advances nothing, and provides nothing; and, if carried to the extreme, will result in stagnation, and eventual failure in life.
That’s why I said previously that there are many ways to fight back against a bully, and those ways are not all physical. Choose your moment, and then make your move. The bully doesn’t even have to know it was YOU who sank them. But YOU will know.
That’s a bit different, because you didn’t mind getting beaten because you could use that beating to your advantage in getting what you wanted. You got what you wanted (the transfer to a private school), so you actually won.
Kudos for the strategy, as it worked to your advantage.
Fighting back is a problem.
One of my classmates (a poor soul) was the son of a world-famous personality. He was anti-social and would punch all the other guys as he walked by. One day while on a field trip he walked by me on the bus and punched me hard on the arm. I was sick and tired of his routine (which was overlooked due to his status) and fought back (think Ralphie and Scut Farkus). The bus driver slammed on the brakes and separated us. No blood, but we were sent to the Principal’s office. The Principal was an ex-marine who believed and practiced corporal punishment with great gusto. This was my only opportunity to experience this sort of punishment.
I eventually figured out that what she was saying to me was: Why aren't you somebody else? My brother was more making fun of me, criticizing me, sometimes physically hurting me. When I complained about it (this brother was 7 years older than me), my father told me that I was too sensitive. So, his verbal, physical and emotional cruelty wasn't the problem. My being "sensitive" was the problem.
I grew to absolutely hate that brother. I have since let go of that; but, I believe my moving more than half way across the country to get away from these people helped a lot. Also, a wonderful, caring husband *(celebrating 41 years next January).
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