Posted on 08/18/2022 9:29:53 AM PDT by sodpoodle
1.What kind of exercise do lazy people do? Diddly-squats. 2.What do you call a pony with a cough? A little horse! 3.What is Forrest Gump's password? 1Forrest1. 4.Why did the M&M go to school? He wanted to be a Smartie. 5.What did one traffic light say to the other? Stop looking at me, I'm changing! 6.What do you call bears with no ears? B. 7.What's a foot long and slippery? A slipper! 8.Why do French people eat snails? They don't like fast food! 9.What's red and moves up and down? A tomato in an elevator! 10.I invented a new word today: Plagiarism. 11.What is sticky and brown? A stick! 12.How does a rabbi make coffee? Hebrews it! 13.Rest in peace boiling water. You will be mist! 14.How do you throw a space party? You planet! 15.Want to hear a construction joke? Oh never mind, I'm still working on that one. 16.Why don't scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything! 17.I hate Russian dolls… they're so full of themselves! 18.Talk is cheap? Have you ever talked to a lawyer? 19.Why did the gym close down? It just didn't work out! 20.Two artists had an art contest. It ended in a draw! 21.A plateau is the highest form of flattery. 22.I have a fear of speed bumps. But I am slowly getting over it. 23.You can only get spoiled milk from a pampered cow. 24.What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back? A stick! 25.You know what I saw today? Everything I looked at.
(Excerpt) Read more at bestlifeonline.com ...
Who is the shortest man in Bible history?
Knee high Miah. (Nehemiah)
Why did the Chicken go to the seance? To get to the other side.
Good kid jokes! Thanks
—”Thanks for this thread.
With things the way they are lately we need it.”
Hear! Hear!
I heard a guy swore off all that and stuck to it.
Later looked back and said “That was the worst 45 minutes of my life.”
Worth keeping
Clever that, thanks!
I invented a new word today: Plagiarism
Worth keeping
Thanks for posting. Gotta have jokes that make the kids roll their eyes. 🙄
Why do melons have public weddings?
Because they cantaloupe.
Why did the punk rocker cross the road? He was stapled to the chicken.
Boobies!
A man went to the zoo. The only animal they had in the whole zoo was a dog. It was a shih tuz.
What did Robinson Crusoe say when he saw the footprints in the sand?
Thank God it’s Friday!
“What noise annoys a noisy oyster most?”
LOL. Thanks.
Some TV newscasts can be momentarily mistaken for Victoria’s Secret specials. In an apparent attempt to capture channel-surfing male viewers, stations have hired attractive female anchors, often outfitting them in attire that emphasizes their sexuality.” These guys watch but they couldn’t tell you what was just reported.
I’ll tell you when I first noticed this. I lived in Kansas City back in the seventies and one local station there went out and made a big deal out of some new weather girl that they had hired, and I gotta tell you, when this woman stood on the East Coast and faced the West Coast, the first state you saw was Missouri.
Rush Limbaugh
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