Posted on 05/07/2022 1:48:42 PM PDT by simpson96
An ongoing argument my husband and I have — which has become more contentious during the pandemic — is about how many friends we should have.
We both have one or two close friends and siblings we like to spend time with. Plus, we are busy parenting two young boys who sap most of our energy. As a textbook introvert, this feels like plenty of friends to me. Excessive, even. But my husband is an extrovert who comes alive around other people. As we slowly emerge from the pandemic, I can feel him yearning for more.
He’s not alone. For years, friendship in America has been in decline, a trend that accelerated during the pandemic. Three decades ago, 3 percent of Americans told Gallup pollsters they had no close friends; in 2021, an online poll put it at 12 percent. About a year into the pandemic, 13 percent of women and 8 percent of men age 30 to 49 said they’d lost touch with most of their friends.
(snip)
While she and other friendship researchers admit there aren’t many studies that have specifically tackled the question of how many friends people should aim for, those that have been done offer a range — and somewhere between three and six close friends may be the sweet spot.
(snip)
The amount of time you actually spend with your friends matters, too. Dr. Hall’s research suggests that on average, very close friendships tend to take around 200 hours to develop. Quantity and quality go hand-in-hand.
To a tired introvert like me, the effort that requires just sounds exhausting.
(Excerpt) Read more at dnyuz.com ...
I have almost no friends......left. That’s the bad part of getting old. You don’t put any energy into making new ones because it hurts to lose them.
I think its also a case where the older you get your definition of friend narrows from the younger definition where you misclassified acquaintances as friends.
I remember reading long ago that women have friends with whom they can share everything and on whom they could call for almost anything. Men have friends based on activities: drinking buddies, golf buddies, basketball buddies, hunting/fishing buddies, travel buddies with whom he shares little to nothing about his personal life.
An introvert married to an extravert is a tough challenge because when they are exhausted and most need to let their hair down, they have diametrically opposed needs. Luckily I am an introvert married to an introvert. We have an introvert child and an extravert child and we made sure to advise them to marry like-minded partners.
I’m good with the same best friend. Your husband. Hahaha just kidding! Very nice statement. Nice if everyone had what you have. God bless.
My Wife of 34 years is also my best Friend.
Other Friends are from Church, Guys I play Guitar with, Family and my 4 Sons.
Amen to that. My gramps told me he only has 5 TRUE friends he cant count on and that he made sure to differentiate between acquaintance’ and friend’. One test is when you “ask” them to help you move apartments or house, without pay.
I have a handful of those; don't see them in any other context, don't really know too much about their lives, but we have a similar interest and enjoy each other's company.
Aside from that, I am lucky to still be in touch with 3-4 friends I've since childhood. Went to school and college together. We see each other a couple times a year, usually to watch a Dawgs game.
The. he was a true friend for taking your backstabbing ex-wife. XD
During my Stanford days, my frat mate was a handsome playboy who slept with hot women. Unmarried or not, he didnt care. Tiger Woods disease.
One day, a “fiancee” smashed my guy’s nose after he found both of them in bed. His reasoning was “See? I saved you time and money from marrying this 2-timing wh*re”.
Help You Move???
Exactly.
Moved my self to Arizona,
Friends, Well——ZERO.
.
I AM A ROCK,
I AM AN ISLAND!
Women, children and animals need friends. It’s how they survive.
Men compete with standards and need no friends. However, when in the service of a virtuous cause they enjoy the company of like minded individuals.
Animals, children and women have friends only because they compete with each other.
I can’t imagine ‘aiming’ for a certain number of friends.
Real friendship happens - or it doesn’t.
People are lucky if they find one true friend their entire lives.
My best friend and I have been best friends, since the day we met, when we were 3 years old.
That was a LONG time ago :-)
We talk weekly, if not more frequently.
Then, of course, there is hubs, who is also my best friend ;-)
Not true.
A plug here for C.S. Lewis “The Four Loves”
Not an easy read, but dividend rich.
At the end of your life, you will count true friends on the fingers of your hands.
That is probably the weirdest thing I have read on FR today.
So the only reason to have a friend is to compete with them?
Jokingly tell my wife all the time that I am so independent that I am like one of those ‘Life Below Zero’ peeps, the only ‘friend’ I need is the fresh air I breath.
“As you get older you slough off friends.”
We’ve sloughed off quite a view the last 15 years or so starting with Obama. Then Hillary. Then Biden. Then Covid. Not a bad feeling. (Family, too.)
Ha,!
Yup,my ex-Best Friend
Dumped the Ex-Wife years ago!
They Both figured I take Her back——WRONG!
She fouled a lot of Lives.
And your chances of survival are much higher than most. The less people know about you the better.
It is not merely a matter of “sloughing off” friends as you get older. They keep dying on you/us....!
My wife and I are well into our 80’s, and between old age, isolation from the pandemic and Mother Nature, we have lost a lot of friends and relatives in this past ten years+ so far.
While in our our 30/40’s we made friends with a few good people in their 40/50’s.
Many if not most died shortly after 9/11. Our mother’s and aunts didn’t make it past that decade. Weekly phone calls and texting with some was very important to them and us. Both of our Dads and our uncles just seem to fade away like retirees after a long hard and good career. They never made it to 9/11.
Dementia/Alzheimer’s has taken its toll with friends, relatives and others we have known and cared about.
An interesting and positive trend has been the adoption of us as parents by younger men in their 40;s/early 50’s.
My wife has a strong peer group in basically her age. I jokingly call them The New Steel Magnolias.
We have no daughters, and a couple of younger female relatives without mothers have adopted my wife as “mom”. In fact, she is with one attending a mother/daughter English Tea at this time. This is their second such event together.
God’s best gifts are good families and friends, and the common sense and good health to enjoy them.
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