Posted on 02/13/2022 10:56:17 AM PST by PROCON
(This thread used to appear periodically over the years and here it is again, original thread posted in comments)
OK LADIES - LEARN THE RULES!!!!!!
The Rules developed by National Fairness to Men Organization. This time like the "United States Constitution" these rules are developed by Men. We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules for all women to live by! Please note ... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!
Rules for Women to Live By
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us bitching about you leaving it down.
1. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!
1. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be!
1. Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair and by then you're stuck with her.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
1. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.
1. Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do! Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
1. Check your oil! Please.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to answer.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.
1. ALL men see only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. It is neither in your best interest or ours to take the quiz together. No, it doesn't matter which quiz.
1. BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.
Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know we really don't mind that, it's like camping.
I learned to drive a Hi/Lo Stick in a Truck when I was 17, 45 years ago!
Some women also have fragile hair when young, and no amount of care and conditioning will keep the ends from breaking once it gets past a certain length. It doesn’t look good long, but a chin- or shoulder-length cut looks great on them because it keeps their hair looking healthy.
1. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear.
My wife asked me why those socks are still on the floor. I said, “Gravity.”
If she didn’t want to know, why in the world did she ask?
Ok. Let’s dissect the very first one. Seems like it makes some sense……..but since men have to pee constantly due to an enlarged prostate or too much beer they have to go ten times more per day than women soooooooo, the toilet seat position should be down to accommodate a woman who goes maybe four times per day.
No problem.
After reading this list, the only thing I can think is, “God, I love my husband for not being a total nitwit.”
In fact, I thank God for my husband everyday. He loves me and I love him. A sentiment not reflected on this list.
Lighten up, Joan, smile and don't take yourself so seriously.
“In fact, I thank God for my husband everyday. He loves me and I love him. A sentiment not reflected on this list.”
Great comment.
Remember when FR was a great place to laugh, post satire and have fun discussions with one another?
This thread, which I posted for fun has caused many posters to take offense and be personally offended, WTF?
Just look at the majority of the keywords some offended soul felt compelled to include.
Too many people, even FReepers now become offended too easily.
FR ain't the same as it was even 10 years ago.
1. Men want sex as often as you want the dishes done.
That book caused problems in my marriage because I was not married to "men". I was married to one man. One very special man with all his own quirks, likes and dislikes. Treating him as "man" was the wrong thing to do.
Treating him as my sugar woogums? That worked.
I saw it as a fun thread and I do miss the early days when we laughed more easily.
I see some here posted in the spirit of fun but it does appear that some got offended.
Now this is going to offend some people, but: Millennials have entered the chat…
That might explain some of it. 😏
Maybe there’s an upside to folks sounding like they wanna fight all time.
The way things are going lately, we’re liable to need all the fighters that our side can muster.
In the meantime, it does all get rather tiresome . . .
And I only wear shoes if it’s really cold out or I’m exercising or hiking. So I don’t need many. I’m a sandals gal and only need about five pairs.
And I love *real* men. Not loafer-wearing, soy latte sipping, man-bun sporting, selfie-taking pansies.
Marry Me! /s
I agree with that sentiment. But they need to save it for the leftists.
I don’t get the tough-guy keyboard commando type who comes out of nowhere trying to bully people with insults. I’ve identified a few of those here and pretty much just ignore them. (OK, sometimes I verbally swat at them a time or two first…and laugh at them.)
We’re supposed to be on the same side here. At least I thought we were.
Interesting. When your vanity prompts opposition from many, your reaction is that it’s the many you have the problem and not the solitary you.
I’ve been here as long as you have. I don’t remember any time when disrespect for an entire group, wives in this case, was simply laughed off.
Have respect for your fellow Freepers. There’s too much work to be done.
BTW your obscenity “WTF” also violates the rules.
But maybe your view is that the rules against profanity, personal attacks, etc. don’t apply to you, and you alone.
Jack said it well:
I think of a man and I take away reason and accountability
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