Posted on 12/09/2021 10:17:18 AM PST by xp38
So, um, some people did something, and now CNN's Primetime slot is empty! Oh no! While we are extremely sad to see the brilliant and legendary Chris Cuomo go, there are a ton of great candidates out there who would do a great job filling his shoes! Here are the top ten possible replacements for Chris Cuomo:
#1) Jussie Smollett: He has vast experience using fake news to gin up racial hatred. A perfect fit!
#2) Ghislaine Maxwell: For her skill in protecting serial sex predators.
#3) Luigi from Super Mario Brothers: The Primetime slot has been traditionally filled by a proud Italian-American. It should be given to another Italian.
#4) A bowl of fettuccine: Another Italian classic, albeit with a slightly higher I.Q.
#5) Brian Stelter: Because it's high time this position was filled by a woman.
#6) One of those recorded messages from the airport loudspeaker that tells everyone where to find the bathrooms and newsstands: Would still provide more useful information than your average CNN host.
#7) Kamala Harris: Since she's not currently doing anything.
#8) A Pfizer sales rep: Might as well hear your typical CNN news straight from the source for once!
#9) A female CNN intern: She could spend each night telling lurid stories of all the unspeakably gross stuff that happens at CNN every day! Guaranteed ratings boost!
10) Tucker Carlson: The universe would implode.
We can't wait to see what CNN has in store for us!
My cat is far more intelligent than any of the listed possibilities. But she would not sully her paws by stepping foot in the CNN facility. Besides, she is fully booked for the next decade or more, being soft, amusing, and generally cute.
Interesting that search did not show it
Carlson is best buds with Hunter Biden. I think he’d be a great fit on CNN.
Jeff Toobin........................
Top 10 Candidates To Replace Chris Cuomo
It will take at least ten!
I think if they just played some elevator music it would be more useful, they could pipe it into elevators at least.
1: Charles Manson... oops nope, he’s dead
2: Jeffrey Dahmer.... oops again
3: Ted bundy ..... err nope
4: Eileen weirnos.... um nope
5: Dr death .... nope he’s dead too I think
6: David berkowitz... doubtful
7:Kenneth Bianchi... nope, he won’t do
8: join Wayne gacey... nope he’s gone too
Face it, there is noone that can fill Cuomo shoes
it does not matter
even if someone does not watch cnn they are funding them when they write a check to the cable tv company
half of cnn’s revenue is from cable subscriber fees
you dont even have to plug in your tv. if you write a check, cnn gets paid
My Dish gets the axe on Jan 1
Just finally got high speed internet down my rural road
Bye bye $150 monthly bill, and the 100 channels I never watch. Like ESPN and all the cable news networks
Alex Baldwin didn’t make the top 10?
Hillary Clinton would be an excellent choice. But unfortunately she is to busy trying to become VP..and then planning how to arkincide joeb.
Good luck trying to convince anyone to nix their cable.
Keep flogging that dead horse, Nickie!
#11 Ann Coulter
It would be the natural rotation....
I like Jessie Smellitt, too, in that role.
But I’d be remiss if I didn’t at least try to throw a few of these over there, too:
Neal Cavutini
Charlie Gape-a-RINO
Shep (Howdy Doody) Smith
Dana PeRINO
The average IQ at CNN would go way up. The average IQ at Fox would also go up by a like amount. The IQ at CNBC and CNN would remain equal.
“Face it, there is no one that can fill Cuomo shoes”
He’s Italian. I’m sure there’s some goombah out there itching to fill Cuomo’s shoes with concrete and then have him go look at the fishes.
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