No Coke...Pepsi
Posted on 07/19/2021 8:22:58 AM PDT by xp38
HELL—Seeking to add a little comfort to the eternal suffering and torment that one endures in Hell, Satan has just confirmed that they will begin offering Pepsi products to help quench the never-ending thirst of those who denied God
“Look, I know we have all these people down here burning endlessly, so I thought the least I could do is offer them a beverage to help make their suffering a little easier,” stated a hissing Satan. “So I obviously went with the first choice for any human ordering a soft drink on earth, a Pepsi! It's literally the best soft drink ever made.”
As word began to spread throughout Hell that there would be an end to the agony of eternally parched tongues, many lept for joy. Quickly that joy was replaced with wailing and gnashing of teeth when they realized the only option was Pepsi.
One particular rich man began to call out to Father Abraham to send Lazarus to dip his finger in an ice-cold Coca-Cola so that he could cool his tongue with a truly tasty soda. Satan quickly told the rich man to “shut up and enjoy your Hell-temperature Pepsi! BAHAHAHAHA!”
As one new entrant to Hell arrived, he exclaimed in horror, “AGH, IT’S SO HOT AND MY TONGUE IS ON FIRE, COULD I PLEASE GET A COKE!?”
“Sorry,” said a demon on the wait staff, “we only serve Pepsi.” The lost soul sighed and said, “Never mind, I'll just burn.”
No Coke...Pepsi
Not even Satan wants to support Woke Coke. LOL
Pepsi-Cola hits the spot
Twelve full ounces, that’s a lot
Twice as much for a nickel, too
Pepsi-Cola is the drink for you!
Pepsi is the drink of the unwashed underclass
I worked for PepsiCo for 30 years. PepsiCo was woke 15 years before woke was cool. Hitlery had planned on making the Wokey CEO of PepsiCo her Commerce Secretary. If you’re picking soft drinks based on their political agenda, go with Double Cola.
For those too young to know, Coke came in 6 1/2 oz bottles while Pepsi offered 12 oz for the same price. Only 5¢. A long time ago.
I always thought he was saying “CHEE’ BORG’R!...” myself.
ALL soft drinks belong in Hell.
.jpg){kind=icon}
I don’t worry since Satan has a restraining order against me.
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.