'We At The NSA Are Not Spying On You,' Insists Muffled Voice Coming From Tucker Carlson's Toaster

https://babylonbee.com/ ^ | July 1st, 2021 | BabylonBee.com

[Jonty30]

BOCA GRANDE, FL—Fox News host Tucker Carlson has been going back and forth with the NSA, with the television commentator insisting the NSA is spying on him. The agency, however, has denied the claim, saying, "We at the NSA are not spying on you and have never spied on you" in a tinny, muffled voice coming from his toaster this morning.

[Jonty30]

This is satire, supposedly.

[combat_boots]

Surrender, Dorothy

[Joe Boucher]

Does anyone really trust any of the federal alphabet agencies?
FBI, CIA, IRS, NSA etc?
Ohhh hell no.
How about Joe (the crook) Biden and his crime family, anyone really trust this crew to do what’s right for America???

[drSteve78]

Sadly, more accurate than humorous. Even if i say that by ASL or writing it down.

[gr8eman]

Hopefully, Tucker hired a great cyber company and the intrusions into his systems will be documented.

[Flick Lives]

Hopefully, Tucker hired a great cyber company and the intrusions into his systems will be documented.

There will likely be no active intrusion found. The NSA operates at the bulk level with all of the ISPs and data carriers. The NSA collects *all* communications and saves them.

Then, in theory, if a suspect is to be investigated, the NSA simply pulls all the stored communications from their database. The rules, courtesy of our spineless Congress, allow for 2 degrees of separation in investigating the communications. So the suspect, plus everyone the suspect communicated to, plus all of the people *they* communicated to can be investigated.

As if this is not bad enough, the temptation to use this cancerous monstrous database to investigate and destroy one's political enemies is far to tempting for those who crave power.

[daniel1212]

Definitely an “inside” source.

[minnesota_bound]

Any device that has a camera has a microphone. Your refrigerator can have a camera nowadays so the NSA knows what is inside. The tv set is looking at you. The cell phone is known to spy on you. Laptop with camera is looking at you.
Schools have been caught spying on kids using school tablets and laptops while in the kids home / bedroom. The car that has OnStar tracks you. People put apps on their cell phones that track them walking or in a car. Go to a shopping mall and they track the cell phones and when you buy something they now know that cell belongs to you and that you bought a sweater. The Ring doorbell reports to themselves and the police. Amazon Alexa listening in ALL the time. etc etc etc.

[Tolerance Sucks Rocks]

I can’t wait until my Keurig machine reports me to the SPLC-FBI for wrongthink.

DANG!