Posted on 05/23/2021 11:12:28 PM PDT by wac3rd
Sorry about the vanity, but here goes....my wife and I sold our Bay Area home and bought a nice place in suburban Boise. Our kids were in school, limited masks and life was about 80% of normal vs. 20% in California.
Fast forward to May. My wife hates it here. She is conservative but said she would pay the high taxes, property taxes and cost of living to avoid the culture here. She thinks that our school-aged kids will not be able to prosper if they stay here in Idaho. No exposure to worldly things, more blue collar, less sophistication, etc.
I miss our friends in CA, but can work here and make the same money, so can she.
I do not want to go, I think it's going to be a drought/fire/BLM summer and as soon as a new strain of COVID hits, lockdowns and more.
I am at an impasse. I could stay (she offered it) but lose my family, or go and just deal with the insanity.
I am going to move back because my family comes first but am extremely aggravated and sad to leave a place where they value God, the USA and freedom.
Sorry to vent. We have 7 years until the little one graduates HS, so I will hold out until then.
Anyway, anyone else heard of a blue state exodus who does a U-turn in 9 months?
I agree. But your wife is not supporting you in the same way you are supporting her. That is unconscionable and you need a new wife.
I assume you mean the person who posted the thread and not me, right? My wife is a wonderful woman who has stood by me through thick and thin for a very long time. I have nothing but love and respect for my wife, and she for me.
The guy who posted this thread - however - clearly has serious marriage issues that need immediate attention.
“I wish I could live in a small town.”
We live right outside a small town. Very quiet and peaceful. Could do with better pizza.
I've been married for about 35 years and we've moved around the country several times. I can't imagine my wife every pulling the kind of ultimatum mentioned here. While I've always discussed with my wife our next move, I knew I never needed her permission. I knew she would ultimately come with me wherever I decided to move and make the best of it. On the other hand, I would never move her someplace where I thought she would be unhappy.
People sometimes ask me how I stayed married so long but they tend not to like the answer. There is no such thing as a "50/50" marriage, where both partners are equal. That just doesn't exist. Somebody in the marriage needs to call the shots, to be the CEO so to speak, and usually it falls on the man to assume that role. In fact, I can't think of a successful marriage where it is otherwise to be honest. Decisions must be made and so any attempts to be 50/50 about it is doomed to failure. That's a recipe for gridlock. The type of gridlock described in this thread.
Think of a corporation with two CEOs. Sounds ludicrous right? Of course it is. That's why it never happens. So why do couples attempt a marriage with two CEOs?
Now the man as CEO (or head of household as more traditionally described) solely assumes the burden and the consequences of the decisions made. So just like how a CEO will consult the second in command for counsel, so a husband should consult his wife. She has the ability (and the responsibility) to attempt to talk the husband out of what she feels is not the best decision. But in the end, the decision rests with the husband and the wife must accept the decision that is made, even if she may not agree with it. And it is her duty to support it just like the second in command at a corporation is obligated to do.
Now it is possible for the roles to be reversed and for the wife to be the "CEO" of the family. But that is an unnatural and unusual arrangement. It is much more natural for a woman to WANT to be in the submissive role and cede ultimate authority to the husband. In fact, women are wired that way, whether they care to admit it or not. And when I say submissive, I don't mean it in a demeaning kind of way. It doesn't mean the man gets to sit on the couch all day and have the wife wait on him hand and foot. It's simply that the wife recognizes her husband as rightful head of household.
This is not about one gender being superior to the other. Both man and woman in a marriage have indispensable roles to play. And a good wife is respected by her husband and has a lot of influence over the husband's ultimate decisions.
I wish the poster of this thread well but after having read his 2013 post, it appears it might be be too late for him to assert himself as the family's "CEO." Without knowing all the circumstances, based on what I've read, my advice to him is to at least make the effort now to flip thing around and give his wife the ultimatum to stay with him and the children in Idaho. Perhaps the marriage can be saved yet.
But if tucks his tail between his legs and follows his wife back to California, it's a lost cause I'm afraid.
Correcto-Mundo, I didn’t make that clear and I apologize.
The totalitarian thinking abounds in California and I am lucky in SB there is the Reagan Ranch and many events that focus on politically conservative speakers because of this. I am also lucky to meet lots of conservative men here for some reason. Which has been a joy as I refuse to date otherwise. Although not many have been dates just friends.
Not as many conservative women though and that makes me sad. But I keep attending events to try and make new female connections as well.
But generally speaking most people are shockingly presumptive that I am a loony liberal just like them. Very, very sad. Few liberals think there are REAL conservatives in there midst and are actually friends here in California. And their constant judgements without thought are a sad, insulting reality.
.
Did you move back yet?
+1
many women hold their true feelings in
***Basically that means they are crappy communicators
“She is conservative”
Eventually they get tired of pretending
———————————————————————————-
Boom. Mic Drop……..
I was thinking the same exact thing.
Your woman is issuing threatening ultimata generated in whine sessions at the local female hive-mind discontentment mill.
***That might be where it makes sense for him to focus. If his wife really holds family first then she’ll give up this bullshiite. My read is his wife aint conservative, aint family-first, aint real. She will be the one who brainwashes the kids and initiates the divorce.
He needs to show his kids this thread and what we all think of the wife. It will open their eyes and they can say what they have to say.
+1 more
and seek Christian based family counseling with your wife before making any decisions.
***In my experience I would suggest he keep his defenses up because christian counseling has become a haven of leftie feminism.
If he doesn’t break it, he will luze his family.
Those women always turn into pillars of salt. Goes back a long way
Santa Barbara is great. Isla Vista has the highest population density west of the Mississippi. UCSB is the only campus in California to have bike routes right alongside pedestrian routes, right up to the classes. No doubt, this is where all the libtards get their high-density housing approaches.
One thing I didn’t like: getting oil on our feet & clothes at the beach. It’s a purely natural thing. We carried lots of baby oil with us everywhere we went.
I’m in San Jose. I’m about ready to vacate silicon valley for good. I’m one the few natives of the area. The only natives who still live here are the ones who inherited houses from their parents.
Excellent catch.
This is obviously about marriage rather than where to live.
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