Posted on 05/23/2021 11:12:28 PM PDT by wac3rd
Sorry about the vanity, but here goes....my wife and I sold our Bay Area home and bought a nice place in suburban Boise. Our kids were in school, limited masks and life was about 80% of normal vs. 20% in California.
Fast forward to May. My wife hates it here. She is conservative but said she would pay the high taxes, property taxes and cost of living to avoid the culture here. She thinks that our school-aged kids will not be able to prosper if they stay here in Idaho. No exposure to worldly things, more blue collar, less sophistication, etc.
I miss our friends in CA, but can work here and make the same money, so can she.
I do not want to go, I think it's going to be a drought/fire/BLM summer and as soon as a new strain of COVID hits, lockdowns and more.
I am at an impasse. I could stay (she offered it) but lose my family, or go and just deal with the insanity.
I am going to move back because my family comes first but am extremely aggravated and sad to leave a place where they value God, the USA and freedom.
Sorry to vent. We have 7 years until the little one graduates HS, so I will hold out until then.
Anyway, anyone else heard of a blue state exodus who does a U-turn in 9 months?
I clearly recall my paster’s message from a few years ago… “Bloom where you are planted.” You didn’t give a lot of important details concerning your wife but you are obviously learning one important lesson here…. Material things such as a ‘nice house in the suburbs’ or any other earthly circumstances of ‘improvement’ (NO MATTER HOW GREAT) are any kind of substitute for the sense that one can always be satisfied with what one God gives you in the place where you are at. Here’s about as good a lesson as any on the subject of being thankful to God always for what you have, regardless of the circumstances….. and your circumstances are far better than what Corrie and Betsie ten Boom faced in the lice and flea infested barracks of a Nazi concentration camp…. https://church.org/2018/05/giving-thanks-always-betsie-ten-booms-remarkable-choice-concentration-camp/
My guess is that your wife is playing out the ‘grass is always greener’ scenario over and over in her mind just like’s Lot’s wife must have done. This is what people do who don’t really have a purpose or meaning for their life. I think that is where one needs to focus one’s attention…..you don’t need a new wife as so many Freepers here are foolishly suggesting. You need a wife with a renewed outlook on life….. a new sense of meaning and purpose.
Most things that involve a purpose are related to building things. There plenty of things to focus on in a good church that involve building something including the basics of one’s relationship with Jesus Christ but that should spill over into how one approaches everything… building a house, building a recreational home, building a business, building a charitable endeavour to help others, building a retirement nest egg that is big enough to travel the word and leave things of value to the next generation when you leave…. etc. Don’t ever stop building because to do so is to put an end to the meaning and purpose of one’s life.
I don’t know how or why, but I actually recalled your name and post from 2013!
Freeper Advice on Divorce
July 12, 2013
https://freerepublic.com/focus/f-chat/3042388/posts
Not to throw salt in the wounds, but this isn’t a new thing.
I can’t give you advice. It wouldn’t be my place. But it might be time to dig deep for some courage. Best to you.
True.
After living in a city in Wesstern Ohio I returned to Pa. and once crossing the border I knew I was home again. I love my state and will aways return here. Now if we can just continue to get the stronghold out of Harrisburg Politics!
Te great thing abut PA is you can live in all city sizes here but have quick access to the countryside. Especially on the Western border.
Sounds like this whole episode is just you re-defining the meaning of SHTF. 9 months ago, you already thought the SHTF by leaving that hellhole, but being away from SF, you’ve forgotten what it was like living there. Give yourself and your family more time to acclimate to the Boise area, and make new friends without all those whiney California expats. There’s nothing worse than crybaby newcomers. Man up dude, show some leadership to your family!
She needs more time to get the “California is the best place ever” BS out of her mind.
California native here. Left Orange County 5 years ago, was in Missouri but decided to move once again. Now on 46 acres in middle Tennessee. Small, rural town, polar opposite of OC!
People help each other here, in ways I never saw in my 50 plus years in California.
I don’t even lock my doors all the time.
I would never have thought I would like a rural area but it’s heaven.
Tell her she needs to give it at least one year. Have her fly out, alone, to visit family or friends. She may start to see again the mess that the state has become.
And when you reach that point, the toxicity just tears you up, physically, emotionally and mentally. I lived it a few years before I said enough was enough.
"Other than family and kid/school/sports activities are apart...After 10 years, we rarely are intimate and she is happier at a cooking class or bike riding with the girls than going to a movie, dinner or working out with me."
Yup, knew it. She's on FB with her old friends back in Bezerkley and they are riding you down, hoss.
I was gonna say try house-shopping in Austin, and applaud the sunset at the Oasis, and maybe watch Musk smash a spaceship on a weekend trip to Padre, and she might come around, but nope, after reading that old thread, you are screwed, used, and tattooed.
You like Idaho, stay put and divorce her there, and then she will be screwed nearly just as hard.
I have an old friend who is a marriage counselor and she said Facebook is responsible for 1 of every 3 divorces and she wasn't even counting infidelity -- your circumstances are exactly what she meant. Good luck!
You are bad to the bone.
5.56mm
Is the once-great Union now reduced to two states?
There’s 48 other states! Including red states with culture!
Move to an upscale suburb of a large Texas city (there are plenty). Upscale suburbs of Atlanta!
There are even blue states with significant pockets of conservatives. A buddy lives in Washington. Not in Seattle, but in spitting distance.
There are other choices other than California or Idaho.
Not to the bone.
There are many women in Idaho to marry : )
MMMM....
Asking as a curious female: Are you absolutely sure your wife is not *wanting* to leave you and just wants you to think you are the one making the decision of whether to stay or go?
Just tossing that question out there.
The hair on the back of my neck raises whenever a woman uses ‘for the children’ excuses for what SHE really wants.
Be very careful with your community assets....
I happen to live in Walnut Creek, and I don't see many of the people outside our immediate group of friends being very open as you say. In fact, a close friend who lived in the area (and has actually moved to Boise) was very upset some years ago because his wife was derided as being "only" a stay-at-home mom.
Which is probably one of the few things that HASN'T changed in the area recently. Politically things have swung way Left, and a lot of places that gave this area a small-town feel are gone and replaced with either chichi places geared towards today's hipsters or the basic commercial ventures you see everywhere.
8^)
5.56mm
Better hurry while interest rates are still low. Sounds like you can afford it though. What is money when it comes to domestic tranquility and your children?
I guess this touched so many important areas (location wise that mean so much to me.) But also I love the gorgeousness of SB as well as the ability to be athletic outdoors years round with lots of mountains and water sports. Also I love the small town vibe and chillness of SB.
But I'm very concerned about the new changing of the single family home, real estate laws as well as the huge increase in ADUs. I love the privacy of where I live close to the city and have worked hard for the gorgeous home and privacy that I have so close within the city. It is a huge concern.
So thank you for sharing your story. I've been looking for possible alternatives to California. But hesitant to leave the ocean and mountain combo. But you reminded me there are some wonderfully places that I have had a lot of fun that are both wonderful athletically as well as very beautiful, water oriented, but also with gorgeous mountains.
Amazing you two are still skiing. Incredible!! I hope my knees are that incredible at close to 70 :D.
Prayers to you and your family as well as for all the decisions to make over time around your housing.
Wow!
That certainly puts a new light on the situation.
Thanks for your kind comments and thoughts. My dad used to tell me you will be happy anywhere you land as long as you make friends. A poster above wrote that his pastor said “Bloom where you are planted” which is pretty much what my dad said. And my wife is living proof of that.
I roam all over the hills and mountains surrounding the Bay Area and have always thought it is the most beautiful place I could live. When I moved there, there were still lots of orchards, not much traffic and lots of open space. There was no Apple, Google, Facebook, Cisco, LinkedIn and the scores of other bit successful companies minting scads of money for employees. The place is now so filthy rich that it has absolutely ruined the character of the area. The California kindness that impressed me so much when I arrived in 1973 is largely gone and there’s a level of rudeness that isn’t pleasant. The whole Silicon Valley ares is a victim of its own success. I liked it better when it was the “Valley of Heart’s Delight.”
But I know exactly what you mean about the mountains, the ocean, the redwoods, the chaparral, the coast oaks being so magical.
She thinks that our school-aged kids will not be able to prosper if they stay here in Idaho. No exposure to worldly things, more blue collar, less sophistication, etc.
Take her snobby ass back to California.
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