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Are you being gaslighted? How to spot the signs
AsiaOne ^ | MAY 20, 2021 | BALVINDER SANDHUHER

Posted on 05/21/2021 5:16:19 PM PDT by nickcarraway

The term ‘gaslighting’ has been making its rounds lately, and was one of the most searched relationship terms on Google in 2020. While it’s possible to gaslight in almost any situation, it’s most common in relationships.

But what exactly is gaslighting? In short, it’s a form of emotional or psychological abuse where one party says and does things to manipulate their partner in order to gain power over them .

As the word suggests, it’s akin to the situation where one pours gas over a fire so that it gets so out of control that you have no idea what’s going on. A gaslighter messes with your head by twisting and turning things so much that it eventually feels like things are always your fault and you’re not good enough for them.

The mind games they play are emotionally draining on their ‘victim’ and, while it can work both ways, it’s usually men who do this. Here are seven ways to tell if your partner is gaslighting.

He’s inconsistent

A man who’s gaslighting will say one thing and do something totally different. Most of the time, what he says is literally just talk – he’ll say anything just to distract you from what he’s really doing, which is bound to be something that will upset you. Pay attention to his actions, not his words.

You’re always apologising

You find that you’re constantly saying sorry and, half the time, you have no idea why you’re doing it. A gaslighter is somehow able to turn the tables on their victim so easily that they never take responsibility for anything they’ve done wrong.

In fact, it’s often the other party who ends up apologising, as they wear them down so much that saying sorry and ending the discussion is usually the best way to handle things.

He brings up your past

Your man keeps score of the negative things you’ve done to him and will use these against you at every opportunity. He does this just to make you feel like an awful person so that he comes across as the superior one in your relationship.

Bringing up your past also throws you out of kilter as you wouldn’t expect your partner to do such a thing. Also, apart from hurting you, you might also realise all over again that you did something wrong and will, once again, end up apologising.

He constantly dismisses you

You question things he has said or done but he doesn’t give you any answers. Instead, he dismisses all your thoughts and fears. It’s also not uncommon for a gaslighter to say things to you that make you feel like you’re losing your mind.

You might even soon be questioning your own sanity and this will then make it unlikely that you’ll turn to someone else to get advice on your relationship. This is the gaslighter’s way to make you doubt yourself so that you won’t reveal what he’s doing, meaning you won’t get any advice that will actually be helpful to you.

Or, worse still, you’ll end up being so manic that, even if you do mention anything to anyone else, it’s possible that nobody will believe you.

He uses your weaknesses against you

Whether it’s your insecurities or the love you have for your friends and family, your gaslighting man knows how to hit you where it hurts. So if you tell him you’re unhappy about something he said or did, for example, he’ll expertly turn the conversation around and end up making it about how weak or unworthy you are.

He knows just what to say to throw you off your game, even if you’re ‘winning’ the argument. This, in turn, makes you feel like you can’t go on with the conversation so you shut down and he, once again, gets away scot-free.

He makes you feel like you’re the bad one

Even if it’s clear that he has done something wrong, he’s somehow able to twist things around to put the blame on you.

For example, if he’s been neglecting your relationship and hasn’t made much time for you, and you bring this up, he manages to flip the conversation and end up accusing you for being a control freak or a psycho girlfriend. Whatever the scenario, he succeeds in using your words against you and leave you dumbfounded at the end.

Feeling stable is one thing that most of us aim to achieve in our lives so this is exactly what your man will attempt to take away from you in order to make you feel more dependent on him.

He’ll do things that will make you question everyone else in your life so that he’ll be the only one you trust. This then gives him the upper hand he so wants and you won’t even realise he’s doing it until it’s too late.


TOPICS: Education; Health/Medicine
KEYWORDS: balvindersandhuher; fakenews; gaslight; gaslighting; makesitup; newyork; occasionalcortex; openborders; thesquad; urbandictionary
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1 posted on 05/21/2021 5:16:19 PM PDT by nickcarraway
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To: nickcarraway

author is a moron and has NO idea where the term “gaslight” came from, namely the movie “Gaslight”, so they just made up a fake etymology ...

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gaslight_(1944_film)


2 posted on 05/21/2021 5:23:54 PM PDT by catnipman (Cat Nipman: Vote Republican in 2012 and only be called racist one more time!)
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To: nickcarraway

Gaslighting:

Gaslighting is a form of manipulation where the abuser makes the victim believe things that aren’t true, making the victim doubt their own sanity. There is no better example of this than the constantly changing mask guidance: “Don’t wear masks; if you want to wear masks go ahead; MASKS ARE REQUIRED BY LAW OR WE WILL JAIL YOU; if you’re vaccinated you still have to wear masks; WEAR TWO MASKS; wear a mask outside; take off your masks but still social distance…” the list goes on.

No one understands any of it and if you say to someone that “Dr. Fauci said masks are ineffective at stopping viruses,” because that’s what he said, you’re sure to run into someone who will quote him directly contradicting himself, because he did, multiple times! And yet, we’re the ones who are crazy. This is gaslighting.


3 posted on 05/21/2021 5:24:08 PM PDT by Grampa Dave (Don’t mask! Don’t tell! by: GranTorino!!)
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To: catnipman; nickcarraway

Gaslight (1940)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UYmtzaHwCKo


4 posted on 05/21/2021 5:25:23 PM PDT by HippyLoggerBiker (Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite and furthermore always carry a small snake. )
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To: nickcarraway

bookmark


5 posted on 05/21/2021 5:26:28 PM PDT by GOP Poet (Super cool you can change your tag line EVERYTIME you post!! :D. (Small things make me happy))
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To: Grampa Dave

Amen!


6 posted on 05/21/2021 5:26:59 PM PDT by GOP Poet (Super cool you can change your tag line EVERYTIME you post!! :D. (Small things make me happy))
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To: nickcarraway
From Psychology today:

11 Warning Signs of Gaslighting
7 posted on 05/21/2021 5:27:42 PM PDT by know.your.why
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To: nickcarraway

Interesting to see that term used in the relationship context. I’d be surprised if the vast majority of the searches for the term didn’t spring from the political realm.


8 posted on 05/21/2021 5:28:56 PM PDT by cdcdawg (It's all so tiresome.)
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To: nickcarraway
This isn't gaslighting, it's just plain emotional abuse.

Gaslighting is a systematic plan to make you doubt that what you are actually seeing and hearing are really happening.

-PJ

9 posted on 05/21/2021 5:29:12 PM PDT by Political Junkie Too (* LAAP = Left-wing Activist Agitprop Press (formerly known as the MSM))
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To: Grampa Dave

Best definition I’ve read yet!


10 posted on 05/21/2021 5:30:31 PM PDT by BradyLS (DO NOT FEED THE BEARS!)
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To: nickcarraway

So sick of this term being misused and overused. Blech!


11 posted on 05/21/2021 5:31:02 PM PDT by americas.best.days... ( Donald John Trump has pulled the sword from the stone.)
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To: nickcarraway

“As the word suggests, it’s akin to the situation where one pours gas over a fire so that it gets so out of control that you have no idea what’s going on.”

Umm.... no. Everyone knows that has zero to do with why is called “gaslighting”.

How did this get published?


12 posted on 05/21/2021 5:31:12 PM PDT by enumerated
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To: Political Junkie Too

Another excellent definition!


13 posted on 05/21/2021 5:32:09 PM PDT by BradyLS (DO NOT FEED THE BEARS!)
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To: nickcarraway; All
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14 posted on 05/21/2021 5:36:29 PM PDT by musicman (The future is just a collection of successive nows.)
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To: BradyLS
Real examples of recent gaslighting:

  1. Joe Biden is in charge of his administration, and drives a truck, too!
  2. Israel is the aggressor in the Middle East.
  3. Donald Trump is the Big Liar and fomented an insurrection.
  4. There were no riots or cities on fire.
  5. Schools are still unsafe for our children.
  6. Only the vaccines are effective against Covid-19.
-PJ
15 posted on 05/21/2021 5:40:00 PM PDT by Political Junkie Too (* LAAP = Left-wing Activist Agitprop Press (formerly known as the MSM))
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To: nickcarraway
The mind games they play are emotionally draining on their ‘victim’ and, while it can work both ways, it’s usually men who do this.

Oooo... yeahhhh, ummm... I'm gonna have to go ahead and sort of disagree with you there.

16 posted on 05/21/2021 5:42:11 PM PDT by Harmless Teddy Bear (Nihil curo de ista tua stulta superstitione. (I'm not interested in your dopey religious cult.))
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To: catnipman

author is a moron and has NO idea where the term “gaslight” came from, namely the movie “Gaslight”, so they just made up a fake etymology ...

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gaslight_(1944_film)


The author was obviously gaslighting us about gaslighting!!!


17 posted on 05/21/2021 5:47:58 PM PDT by kaehurowing
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To: catnipman

Exactly.

I noticed the same thing.


18 posted on 05/21/2021 5:49:42 PM PDT by metmom (...fixing our eyes on Jesus, the Author and Perfecter of our faith...)
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To: nickcarraway

Can we finally stop with the insipid “GASLIGHTING” thing? It’s contrived and non intuitive. The proof of this is that, usually, when the writer jumps on the stupid GASLIGHTING word muffin bandwagon, he is compelled to define it!


19 posted on 05/21/2021 5:54:52 PM PDT by LittleBillyInfidel (This tagline has been formatted to fit the screen. Some content has been edited.)
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To: LittleBillyInfidel

(Sheesh! I’m beginning to think that way too many here are already mentally enrolled in fricking “KWANZA” as an actual holiday!)


20 posted on 05/21/2021 5:59:00 PM PDT by LittleBillyInfidel (This tagline has been formatted to fit the screen. Some content has been edited.)
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