Silly Stuff

email from friend | 4/29/2021 | unknown

[sodpoodle]

Subject:The Deaf Wife Problem

Bob feared his wife Peg wasn't hearing as well as she used to and he thought she might need a hearing aid.

Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the family Doctor to discuss the problem.

The Doctor told him there is a simple informal test the husband could perform to give the Doctor a better idea about her hearing loss.

'Here's what you do,' said the Doctor, 'stand about 40 feet away from her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response.'

That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he was In the den. He says to himself, 'I'm about 40 feet away, let's see what happens.' Then in a normal tone he asks, 'Honey, what's for dinner?'

No response.

So the husband moves closer to the kitchen, about 30 feet from his wife and repeats, 'Peg, what's for dinner?'

Still no response.

Next he moves into the dining room where he is about 20 feet from his Wife and asks, 'Honey, what's for dinner?'

Again he gets no response.

So, he walks up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet away. 'Honey, what's for dinner?'

Again there is no response.

So he walks right up behind her. 'Peg, what's for dinner?'

(I just love this)

'For Gods sake, Bob, for the FIFTH time, CHICKEN!' ........................................................

I was thinking ...

I'm on two diets. I wasn't getting enough food on one.

A cold seat in a public restroom is unpleasant. A warm seat in a public restroom is worse.

Apparently RSVP'ing to a wedding invitation "Maybe next time," isn't the correct response.

Don't irritate old people. The older we get, the less "Life in prison" is a deterrent.

Have you ever listened to someone for a minute and thought "Their cornbread isn't done in the middle."

Aliens probably fly by earth and lock their doors.

I asked my wife if I was the only one she had ever been with. She said yes, all the others were nines and tens. Give it a minute....

I really don't mind getting older, but my body is taking it badly.

It turns out that being an adult now is mostly just googling how to do stuff.

I miss the 90's when bread was still good for you and no one knew what kale was.

Do you ever get up in the morning, look in the mirror and think "That can't be accurate."

I want to be 14 again and ruin my life differently. I have new ideas.

As I watch this new generation try to rewrite our history, one thing I'm sure of ... it will be misspelled and have no punctuation.

I told my wife I wanted to be cremated. She made me an appointment for Tuesday. (Sounds like Rodney Dangerfield)

Confuse your doctor by putting on rubber gloves at the same time he does.

My wife asked me to take her to one of those restaurants where they make food right in front of you. I took her to Subway.

I picked up a hitchhiker. He asked if I wasn't afraid, he might be a serial killer? I told him the odds of two serial killers being in the same car were extremely unlikely.

I went line dancing last night. OK, it was a roadside sobriety test ... same thing.

[sodpoodle]

Bring it on:)

[outofsalt]

When life gives you melons, you might be dyslexic.

[drSteve78]

These are always funny. And for some reason, the hitchhiker one always ALWAYS make me snort out the nose. Good Morning!

[NativeSon]

Ha! Awesome.

and unfortunately a bit accurate

[DUMBGRUNT]

—” the hitchhiker one”

And that is why I always carry a small bomb when traveling.

The odds of two unrelated bombs on the same airplane are astronomical.

[libertylover]

Three old geezers were walking down the street:
The first one says, “It’s windy today”.
The second one say, “No, no, it’s Thursday”.
The third one says, “Me too. Let’s have a beer”.

[sima_yi]

Old age is an awfully steep price to pay for maturity.

[minnesota_bound]

ping

[21twelve]

The three old ladies were complaining about their fading memories.

“I go downstairs to get something, and by the time I get there I forget what I needed!”

“Oh- I know. Just the other day I got to the end of the block and was going to put on my turn signal, but forgot where I wanted to go!”

“Boy - I’m glad I don’t have that problem - knock on wood.”
.
.
“Oh excuse me - someone’s at the door.”