BLM Founder Reminds Everyone Justice Won't Fully Be Served Until She Can Buy A 5th House

MINNEAPOLIS, MN—After Derek Chauvin was found guilty on all three counts, the crowds outside the courthouse breathed a sigh of relief and began to celebrate.

"Wait! Not so fast!" said BLM co-founder Patrisse Cullors to the crowds. "We have more work to do! We haven't really achieved justice! We must not stop until I can afford to buy a 5th house! Er-- I mean, until we dismantle all the systems or whatever!"

The crowd was initially confused as they thought justice had already been served, but they forgot about all that when they joined along with Cullors and remembered how fun it was to chant.

They then marched on the courthouse to decide whether they would use all the bricks and soup cans they had brought for the occasion.

BLM leaders estimate it may take another few more months of violent activism until Cullors can afford her 5th dream home.

"...Khan-Cullors tearfully defended her $3.2 million real estate empire,..."

I'm Not A Thief
(Sung to the tune of I'm Not In Love" by 10cc)

I'm not a thief, so don't forget it
It's just a grifting phase I'm going through
And just because I took your cash
Your virtue signal’s still a badge you wear
I'm not a thief, no-no
(It's because...)

I like to scam you, but then again
That doesn't mean your Leftist creds are gone
So if I rob you, don't make a fuss
Don't tell the evening news I’m stealing cash
I'm not a thief, no-no
(It's because...)

(Be quiet, Marxists don't cry)
Marxists don't cry)
(Marxists don't cry)
(Marxists don't cry)
(Marxists don't cry)
(Marxists don't cry)
(Marxists don't cry)

I got my mansions with stolen cash
I hide the cash transfers in bank accounts
So don't you ask me to give it back
I know you know I got no salary
I'm not a thief, no-no
(It's because...)

Ooh, the suckers threw cash at me
Ooh, the suckers threw cash

Ooh, the suckers threw cash at me
Ooh, the suckers threw cash

I'm not a thief, so don't forget it
It's just a grifting phase I'm going through
And just because I took your cash
Your virtue signal’s still a badge you wear, ooh

I'm not a thief, I'm not a thief…

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