Are you guilty?

email from friend | 2/18/2021 | unknown

[sodpoodle]

Actual call center conversations Customer: 'I've been calling 700-1000 for two days and can't get through; can you help?' Operator: 'Where did you get that number, sir?' Customer: 'It's on the door of your business.' Operator: 'Sir, those are the hours that we are open.' ----------------------------------------------------------------------

Samsung Electronics Caller: 'Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?' Operator: 'I'm sorry, sir, I don't understand who you are talking about.' Caller: 'On page 1, section 5, of the user guide it clearly states that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and telephone Jack before cleaning. Now, can you give me the number for Jack?' Operator: 'I think it means the telephone plug on the wall.'

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RAC Motoring Services Caller: 'Does your European Breakdown Policy cover me when I am traveling in Australia ?' Operator: 'Does the policy name give you a clue?'

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Caller (enquiring about legal requirements while traveling in Europe ): 'If I register my car in France , and then take it to England , do I have to change the steering wheel to the other side of the car?'

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Directory Enquiries Caller: 'I'd like the number of the Argo Fish Bar, please' Operator: 'I'm sorry, there's no listing. Are you sure that the spelling is correct?' Caller: 'Well, it used to be called the Bargo Fish Bar but the 'B' fell off.'

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Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven. Operator: 'Woven? Are you sure?' Caller: 'Yes.. That's what it says on the label -- Woven in Scotland ...'

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On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a phone box told a worried operator: 'I haven't got a pen, so I'm steaming up the window to write the number on.'

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Tech Support: 'I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop.' Customer: 'OK.' Tech Support: 'Did you get a pop-up menu?' Customer: 'No.' Tech Support: 'OK. Right-Click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?' Customer: 'No.' Tech Support: 'OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?' Customer: 'Sure. You told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'.'

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Tech Support: 'OK. At the bottom left hand side of your screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?' Customer: 'Wow! How can you see my screen from there?'

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Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee. (This is why they record these conversations!):

Operator: 'Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?' Caller: 'Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect .' Operator: 'What sort of trouble?' Caller: 'Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.' Operator: 'Went away?' Caller: 'They disappeared' Operator: 'Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?' Caller: 'Nothing.' Operator: 'Nothing??' Caller: 'It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type.' Operator: 'Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?' Caller: 'How do I tell?' Operator: 'Can you see the 'C: prompt' on the screen?' Caller: 'What's a sea-prompt?' Operator: 'Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?' Caller: 'There isn't any cursor; I told you, it won't accept anything I type..' Operator: 'Does your monitor have a power indicator?' Caller: 'What's a monitor?' Operator: 'It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?' Caller: 'I don't know.' Operator: 'Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??' Caller: 'Yes, I think so.' Opera tor: 'Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall.. Caller: 'Yes, it is.' Operator: 'When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one? ' Caller: 'No.' Operator: 'Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable.' Caller: 'Okay, here it is.' Operator: 'Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer..' Caller: 'I can't reach.' Operator: 'OK. Well, can you see if it is?' Caller: 'No..' Operator: 'Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?' Caller: 'Well, it's not because I don't have the right angle -- it's because it's dark.' Operator: 'Dark?' Caller: 'Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window.' Operator: 'Well, turn on the office light then.' Caller: 'I can't.' Operator: 'No? Why not?' Caller: 'Because there's a power failure.' Operator: 'A power .... A power failure? Aha. Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff that your computer came in?' Caller: 'Well, yes, I keep them in the closet..' Operator: 'Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from.' Caller: 'Really? Is it that bad?' Operator: 'Yes, I'm afraid it is.' Caller: 'Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?' Operator: 'Tell them you're too damned stupid to own a computer!'

[sodpoodle]

Benn there, done that:)

[ClearCase_guy]

Joe Biden may not have been calling Heads of state, or Governors, but he has been making a lot of phone calls.

[dangus]

I approve of the guy panting to fog up the phone booth. And I feel for the guy who kept writing, “click.”

[sodpoodle]

I bet he doesn’t know how to use Twitter!

[Southside_Chicago_Republican]

I used to work in the customer service center of a company that sold and serviced IV pumps. Our number was 800-THE-PUMP.

During that time, Nike had a shoe that the wearer could inflate with a pump. I don’t remember why. Their number was 888-THE-PUMP.

We used to get a lot of Nike calls. One day a customer called and said, “My m-—————g shoes don’t work.” I said, “Well, sir, this isn’t Nike, but I can give you their number if you would like to call them.”

He was rightly embarrassed.

[real saxophonist]

I was certainly not the best looking boy in the yearbook.

Therefore, I must be guilty of something.

[fruser1]

I still have one of the older machines with an “any” key.

[sethro]

Mam, that is a CD-ROM and not a holder for your coffee cup.

[pas]

ID10T errors.

[Liz]

Biden was returning to DC from his home state of Delaware.

He climbed the steps to board AF-1 and when he got to the top of the stairs, someone asked him if he’d had a good trip.

Biden replied “yes,” then turned around, and got off the plane.

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Video of Biden tripping up the stairs of AF-1....and at the top he fumbles, and almost trips again.

The kicker was when he turned and-—looking blank-—gave the classic Trump thumbs-up sign.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BJzwj3gBut0

[gathersnomoss]

The Selected One clearly is not in charge of anything.

And just who the hell was it that moved the aircraft stairs causing the Selected One to nearly fall?

[\/\/ayne]

[TangoLimaSierra]

I had a customer once on the phone. She was having trouble finding anything I asked her for. The 'Start' button for instance.
At one point I asked what was at the top of her screen. She said; "Samsung".
I said; "Don't touch anything. I'll be right over."

[OrangeHoof]

I used to do tech support for a cable company in Texas. I had this conversation back in the 90s:

Caller: I can’t get a good picture of the Cowboys game (first clue: ‘Cowboy fan’ tells me already he’s an idiot).

Me: Can you describe the picture?

Caller: It’s all blurry and fuzzy. I can hardly see it.

Me: My records show you have three outlets. Which one is your tv plugged into?

Caller: I don’t know. I moved the tv out onto the patio to watch the game.

Me: What channel do you have the tv on?

Caller: Channel 7

Me: There’s no cable channel 7. You’re getting the over-the-air signal. What do you get if you put the tv on channel 3?

Caller: Nothing. Just fuzz.

Me: Is it connected to a cable box?

Caller: Yes.

Me: Is the cable box connected to the wall?

Caller: What wall? I’m outdoors.

Me: Sir, the only signal you are getting is from the over-the-air antenna.

Caller: Well, when can you send somebody out?

Me: I can’t, sir. You’re not hooked up to cable. First reconnect the cable from a working outlet to the cable box, turn the box on and set your tv set to channel three.

Caller: But then it can’t be outside!

Me: I understand. But it’s not a cable problem when the tv has been disconnected from cable.

Caller: Oh, fer cryin’ out loud. (and hangs up).

(note: Cowboy fans were easily confused, particularly when the game was not on the normal affiliate or when Daylight Savings Time changed. I could be guaranteed two or three idiots wondering why the Cowboys weren’t on.)