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How to care for mom who won't eat or drink and getting more and more confused
vanity ^ | Jan 19 2021 | Beowulf9

Posted on 01/19/2021 7:48:39 PM PST by Beowulf9

Brought my mother who is 94 and has intermittent confusion and a possible fall to my house to care for her. In the past 3 weeks she has eaten and drank less and less. Refusing all sorts of food she used to eat, scrambled eggs or eggs of any kind, ensure which she used to drink and like, yogurt, chicken salad sandwich which she used to like and now refuses any food. She stopped eating altogether and drinks one cup of coffee in the morning and that's about it and that coffee is a half a cup is all. She has good teeth and no problem chewing but stays in bed and sleeps off and on all day saying just I want to sleep. She gets up and goes to the bathroom which is right by her bedside about 6 feet away then back to bed.

I had to bring her dog over, a labrador who stays by her side constantly and who she gives all her food to if I leave the room. When I put him out while attempting to feed her she eats only a very small portion and then asks where is the dog. If I bring him in she commences to give him whatever food I brought in.

Today I called 911, had the ambulance come, she refused them to take her blood pressure or listen to her heart at all. I helped put the leads on for an ekg during which she began hitting me, repeatedly while I did, thankfully it was normal sinus rhythm. She kept telling the ambulance people 'no, I'm not going, go away, I'm not doing it, I'm not going, go away' the entire time they were here.

Because she refused to go to the hospital, and she was not having trouble breathing or having a dangerous heart rhythm they did not take her in.

She desperately needs iv fluids, and I would love it if they would pump some iv nutrition into her but I cannot get her to go to the hospital. I do not have Power of attorney and cannot get it here at home but they would not take her if I did based on the findings of her not being in dire health circumstances.

Anyone have any ideas? How to feed? How to get any nutrition in her? I would appreciate any helpful suggestions.


TOPICS: Chit/Chat; Health/Medicine
KEYWORDS: dehydration; dementia; mom; starvation
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To: Beowulf9
My heartfelt condolences to you. I lost my mother to the ravages of Alzheimer’s fifteen years ago this week. At the time of her death she was only 75. I am not a doctor. I have worked in three nursing homes over the years and have seen what you describe in literally dozens of elderly people. As compassionately as a I can and with heart felt sympathy I can only say your mother is dying. Her body is beginning to shut down. You should by all means consult with your doctor but be prepared to realize your mothers time on Earth is drawing to a close. My mother didn't know who myself or my six other siblings were towards the end of her life. She didn't even know who my dad was. Make her days as comfortable as you can and tell her you love her. I never got that chance with my mother. God bless you. I'll pray for you and your mother.
121 posted on 01/20/2021 12:20:57 AM PST by jmacusa (If we're all equal how is diversity our strength?)
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To: Beowulf9

My Aunt is the same age and began refusing food and liquids about a month ago.

She sleeps about 20 hours a day now.

My understanding is that this is quite common for people near the end of life.

Very sorry you have to go through this with someone you love.


122 posted on 01/20/2021 12:36:13 AM PST by zeestephen
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To: Beowulf9

🙏🏻


123 posted on 01/20/2021 12:41:52 AM PST by pax_et_bonum (God is good, He loves us, and He is always with us.)
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To: Beowulf9

I am so saddened to read your post.

My dear grandmother did the same. She died at the age of 94. One day she simply stopped eating and drinking fluids. It happens.


124 posted on 01/20/2021 3:15:08 AM PST by wintertime ( Behind every government school teacher stand armed police.( Real bullets in those guns on the hip!))
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To: Beowulf9

Going through the same thing with my mother. She is becoming incontinent and can only move around with a walker. Dad wants her to remain at home, so my brother & sister and I are helping care for her (and him). She has advanced dementia, but her personality has not changed one bit, although she is getting more ‘foggy’ with every passing day. She will look at you and smile, but is not comprehending most of what is said. She has had a couple of UTI’s, and the strange thing is she is more lucid. That’s how we know she has an infection.

Today is my turn to help, and I always try to cook something tempting. My father doesn’t like store-bought foods. But my mom is starting to not want to eat, so I spoon feed her.

She loves to have her hair brushed, so I do that. But 90 percent of the time, she just wants to sleep. I know in my heart it is time to let her go. I have prayed to the Almighty to take her Home.


125 posted on 01/20/2021 3:32:11 AM PST by Cleebie Grums (Bang the drum. . .)
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To: Beowulf9

Prayers for you both. You might try jello. God bless you for taking care of her.


126 posted on 01/20/2021 3:39:09 AM PST by MomwithHope (Forever grateful to all our patriots, past, present and future.)
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To: Beowulf9

I read your post and started to cry. It’s time. My mom told me that she loved us but she was ready to go, to leave her alone, that she wanted to sleep. She closed her eyes and never ate or talked to us again. 4 days later she was gone.


127 posted on 01/20/2021 3:48:45 AM PST by lucky american (Progressives are attac Iking our rights and y'all will sit there and take it.)
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To: Beowulf9

I read your post and started to cry. It’s time. My mom told me that she loved us but she was ready to go, to leave her alone, that she wanted to sleep. She closed her eyes and never ate or talked to us again. 4 days later she was gone.


128 posted on 01/20/2021 3:48:47 AM PST by lucky american (Progressives are attac Iking our rights and y'all will sit there and take it.)
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To: lucky american; Beowulf9

Sometimes they need to hear from their children that “It’s okay mom - you can go. We love you and will miss you, but we’ll be okay. You can go.”


129 posted on 01/20/2021 3:53:00 AM PST by 21twelve (Ever Vigilant. Never Fearful!)
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To: Beowulf9

Old folks get tired and are often in discomfort and/or pain. Look into your heart and figure out if you are trying to help her or yourself; and pray on the best course of action - or inaction.


130 posted on 01/20/2021 4:26:40 AM PST by trebb (Fight like your life and future depends on it - because they do.)
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To: Beowulf9

Get her doctor to order in home hospice care. Medicare pays for it in the last 6 month of life.


131 posted on 01/20/2021 5:03:32 AM PST by Georgia Girl 2 (The only purpose of a pistol is to fight your way back to the rifle you should never have dropped)
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To: Beowulf9

Abide by her wishes. Love her. She is a free moral agent.

You are not her master, but her helper.

Life is more than hospice/hospital and forced compliance.

There will be a time for mourning, but now, just show her the love and care she showed you.

Peace.


132 posted on 01/20/2021 5:14:16 AM PST by Manly Warrior (US ARMY (Ret), "No Free Lunches for the Dogs of War" )
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To: Beowulf9

If she already has a doctor, just call the doctor and ask her/him to put your mother on hospice. The doc knows what shape she’s in. I did this for my husband. It took only one hone call.

If you are insistent on making her eat, you might want to put some B vitamins in her food or drink. Someone else above mentioned grinding them up for his father and putting them in his food. Maybe you can get B vitamins in liquid form. B vitamins make you hungry.

And my final and most important advice is to keep her calm. Do not try to force her to do anything. Be happy around her. Rub lotion on her hands and feet if she will let you and likes it. Comb her hair. Let her guide you in your ministrations. And if she wants to sleep, let her sleep.

God is in control, all is well dear one.


133 posted on 01/20/2021 5:16:59 AM PST by Auntie Mame (Fear not tomorrow. God is already there.)
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To: Beowulf9

Could you go to her home, and gather some of her belongings? Make up her room at your home, to look like her room at her home. Surround her with things she’s familiar with. It will be a big comfort to her, and probably help her feel less confused.


134 posted on 01/20/2021 6:00:03 AM PST by BykrBayb (Lung cancer free since 11/9/07. Colon cancer free since 7/7/15. Obama free since 1/20/17. PTL ~ Þ )
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To: Beowulf9

Same thing with my late mom let her go her work is done here


135 posted on 01/20/2021 6:37:46 AM PST by al baby (Hi Mom Hi Dad)
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To: Beowulf9

In many states the signature of two doctors can grant you legal medical/health power of attorney. I had to do this with my father when he did similar.


136 posted on 01/20/2021 6:42:54 AM PST by Openurmind (The ultimate test of a moral society is the kind of world it leaves to its children. ~ D. Bonhoeffer)
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To: Beowulf9

I am so sorry you are going through this with your mother. I just lost my mother in December after a year-long haul with cancer (she was 85 when she passed). In many cases, a fall with the elderly can set off a train of health events and confusion that go downhill. My mother was a nurse and saw this type of thing in older patients all the time. See if you can talk to her doctor - he may feel it’s time for hospice care in the home, which is what we did. Or perhaps he will have other ideas. Perhaps a liquid medication to calm her might help, but it may not do much for food refusal. Again, I am so sorry. Watching my mother die was so painful and my emotions are all over the place.


137 posted on 01/20/2021 7:42:11 AM PST by midnightcat
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To: Mears

Not for assisted living, which is custodial care. Medicare paid for a daily visiting nurse, medications, a doctor, a walker, Ensure, Depends, a walker and wheelchair, a hospital bed, etc.

My mom was already in assisted living (which she paid for) for about a year and a half. She was too weak and had dementia, she could not live on her own in her large home. When her dementia really became a problem—delusional, falling, combative, not wanting to eat or take her meds—hospice care was brought in for additional care for her in assisted living.


138 posted on 01/20/2021 8:08:21 AM PST by RooRoobird20
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To: TigersEye

“My mother made this decision too in spite of her advanced Alzheimer’s. After ten years of that at the age of 89 she simply had no more desire in her to be here.”

My MIL, my wife’s mother had a terrible and raging Alzheimer’s and went from getting a 100 on her driving test to not knowing where she lived and who her family members were in weeks.

She fell and broke her hip. During a lucid moment, she told her family no hospitals. So she went to good nursing home and a semi hospice.

After a couple of weeks, my wife’s SIL, a good RN told my wife, that her mother was about ready to pass on.

My wife flew back for a week and the morning before her flight, she stopped for one last visit with her mother. A small miracle happened, her mother woke up, recognized her and they had about 30 minutes of great discussion.

Then the Alzheimer’s took over. My wife’s brother drove my wife to the airport.

About 2 weeks later my wife’s mother died.


139 posted on 01/20/2021 8:31:33 AM PST by Grampa Dave (Law & order took the last train out of DC and Ameriica on election/coup/night, Tues., Nov. 03, 2020!)
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To: Grampa Dave

An update.

First I want to thank you all for the prayers. I really do and I know when there are two or more of you gathered in my name then the Spirit is in our midst and for that I am eternally grateful.

I did call 911 again and they sent the fire department out, I explained to the Captain she does not know what she is doing and they took her to the hospital. Finally. Hoping they will give her iv fluids and check her over. They got to do her blood pressure while she was here and it was normal. I do so hope she just needs hydrating and maybe an antibiotic.

Right now I’m waiting to hear from the hospital. She went in only a little over an hour ago.


140 posted on 01/20/2021 10:18:44 AM PST by Beowulf9
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