Posted on 01/19/2021 7:48:39 PM PST by Beowulf9
Brought my mother who is 94 and has intermittent confusion and a possible fall to my house to care for her. In the past 3 weeks she has eaten and drank less and less. Refusing all sorts of food she used to eat, scrambled eggs or eggs of any kind, ensure which she used to drink and like, yogurt, chicken salad sandwich which she used to like and now refuses any food. She stopped eating altogether and drinks one cup of coffee in the morning and that's about it and that coffee is a half a cup is all. She has good teeth and no problem chewing but stays in bed and sleeps off and on all day saying just I want to sleep. She gets up and goes to the bathroom which is right by her bedside about 6 feet away then back to bed.
I had to bring her dog over, a labrador who stays by her side constantly and who she gives all her food to if I leave the room. When I put him out while attempting to feed her she eats only a very small portion and then asks where is the dog. If I bring him in she commences to give him whatever food I brought in.
Today I called 911, had the ambulance come, she refused them to take her blood pressure or listen to her heart at all. I helped put the leads on for an ekg during which she began hitting me, repeatedly while I did, thankfully it was normal sinus rhythm. She kept telling the ambulance people 'no, I'm not going, go away, I'm not doing it, I'm not going, go away' the entire time they were here.
Because she refused to go to the hospital, and she was not having trouble breathing or having a dangerous heart rhythm they did not take her in.
She desperately needs iv fluids, and I would love it if they would pump some iv nutrition into her but I cannot get her to go to the hospital. I do not have Power of attorney and cannot get it here at home but they would not take her if I did based on the findings of her not being in dire health circumstances.
Anyone have any ideas? How to feed? How to get any nutrition in her? I would appreciate any helpful suggestions.
My Aunt is the same age and began refusing food and liquids about a month ago.
She sleeps about 20 hours a day now.
My understanding is that this is quite common for people near the end of life.
Very sorry you have to go through this with someone you love.
🙏🏻
I am so saddened to read your post.
My dear grandmother did the same. She died at the age of 94. One day she simply stopped eating and drinking fluids. It happens.
Going through the same thing with my mother. She is becoming incontinent and can only move around with a walker. Dad wants her to remain at home, so my brother & sister and I are helping care for her (and him). She has advanced dementia, but her personality has not changed one bit, although she is getting more ‘foggy’ with every passing day. She will look at you and smile, but is not comprehending most of what is said. She has had a couple of UTI’s, and the strange thing is she is more lucid. That’s how we know she has an infection.
Today is my turn to help, and I always try to cook something tempting. My father doesn’t like store-bought foods. But my mom is starting to not want to eat, so I spoon feed her.
She loves to have her hair brushed, so I do that. But 90 percent of the time, she just wants to sleep. I know in my heart it is time to let her go. I have prayed to the Almighty to take her Home.
Prayers for you both. You might try jello. God bless you for taking care of her.
I read your post and started to cry. It’s time. My mom told me that she loved us but she was ready to go, to leave her alone, that she wanted to sleep. She closed her eyes and never ate or talked to us again. 4 days later she was gone.
I read your post and started to cry. It’s time. My mom told me that she loved us but she was ready to go, to leave her alone, that she wanted to sleep. She closed her eyes and never ate or talked to us again. 4 days later she was gone.
Sometimes they need to hear from their children that “It’s okay mom - you can go. We love you and will miss you, but we’ll be okay. You can go.”
Old folks get tired and are often in discomfort and/or pain. Look into your heart and figure out if you are trying to help her or yourself; and pray on the best course of action - or inaction.
Get her doctor to order in home hospice care. Medicare pays for it in the last 6 month of life.
Abide by her wishes. Love her. She is a free moral agent.
You are not her master, but her helper.
Life is more than hospice/hospital and forced compliance.
There will be a time for mourning, but now, just show her the love and care she showed you.
Peace.
If she already has a doctor, just call the doctor and ask her/him to put your mother on hospice. The doc knows what shape she’s in. I did this for my husband. It took only one hone call.
If you are insistent on making her eat, you might want to put some B vitamins in her food or drink. Someone else above mentioned grinding them up for his father and putting them in his food. Maybe you can get B vitamins in liquid form. B vitamins make you hungry.
And my final and most important advice is to keep her calm. Do not try to force her to do anything. Be happy around her. Rub lotion on her hands and feet if she will let you and likes it. Comb her hair. Let her guide you in your ministrations. And if she wants to sleep, let her sleep.
God is in control, all is well dear one.
Could you go to her home, and gather some of her belongings? Make up her room at your home, to look like her room at her home. Surround her with things she’s familiar with. It will be a big comfort to her, and probably help her feel less confused.
Same thing with my late mom let her go her work is done here
In many states the signature of two doctors can grant you legal medical/health power of attorney. I had to do this with my father when he did similar.
I am so sorry you are going through this with your mother. I just lost my mother in December after a year-long haul with cancer (she was 85 when she passed). In many cases, a fall with the elderly can set off a train of health events and confusion that go downhill. My mother was a nurse and saw this type of thing in older patients all the time. See if you can talk to her doctor - he may feel it’s time for hospice care in the home, which is what we did. Or perhaps he will have other ideas. Perhaps a liquid medication to calm her might help, but it may not do much for food refusal. Again, I am so sorry. Watching my mother die was so painful and my emotions are all over the place.
Not for assisted living, which is custodial care. Medicare paid for a daily visiting nurse, medications, a doctor, a walker, Ensure, Depends, a walker and wheelchair, a hospital bed, etc.
My mom was already in assisted living (which she paid for) for about a year and a half. She was too weak and had dementia, she could not live on her own in her large home. When her dementia really became a problem—delusional, falling, combative, not wanting to eat or take her meds—hospice care was brought in for additional care for her in assisted living.
“My mother made this decision too in spite of her advanced Alzheimer’s. After ten years of that at the age of 89 she simply had no more desire in her to be here.”
My MIL, my wife’s mother had a terrible and raging Alzheimer’s and went from getting a 100 on her driving test to not knowing where she lived and who her family members were in weeks.
She fell and broke her hip. During a lucid moment, she told her family no hospitals. So she went to good nursing home and a semi hospice.
After a couple of weeks, my wife’s SIL, a good RN told my wife, that her mother was about ready to pass on.
My wife flew back for a week and the morning before her flight, she stopped for one last visit with her mother. A small miracle happened, her mother woke up, recognized her and they had about 30 minutes of great discussion.
Then the Alzheimer’s took over. My wife’s brother drove my wife to the airport.
About 2 weeks later my wife’s mother died.
An update.
First I want to thank you all for the prayers. I really do and I know when there are two or more of you gathered in my name then the Spirit is in our midst and for that I am eternally grateful.
I did call 911 again and they sent the fire department out, I explained to the Captain she does not know what she is doing and they took her to the hospital. Finally. Hoping they will give her iv fluids and check her over. They got to do her blood pressure while she was here and it was normal. I do so hope she just needs hydrating and maybe an antibiotic.
Right now I’m waiting to hear from the hospital. She went in only a little over an hour ago.
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