Absolute Legend: Trump Walks Away From Republican Party Without Even Looking Back At Explosion

Babylon Bee ^ | 1/6/2021 | Staff

[Zhang Fei]

WASHINGTON, D.C.—In an awesome display of action movie MAGA-greatness, Trump walked away from the exploding Republican Party like an absolute legend, without looking back or even flinching. Witnesses say they saw Trump power-walking in slow motion away from the massive explosion as smoldering wreckage and shrieking Republicans rained down around him.

"I've never seen anything so beautiful," said Steve Bannon and Nancy Pelosi in unison.

Trump supporters and Democrats collectively cheered while the steely-eyed Trump strutted confidently without any indication that he cared about the scorching inferno behind him as it laid waste to all the "losers and second-rate cowards" caught up in the blast. Mitch McConnell tried his best to escape, but he was too slow due to being a turtle. The force of the blast tipped him over on his back and he lay there with his arms flailing helplessly.

Authorities arrived on the scene to try to extinguish the flames but Trump stayed their hands. "No," he said, slowly removing his glasses and finally turning around to gaze upon the torched ruins of the Republican Party. "No... let it burn."

Libertarian Party officials raised their hands and offered to take in anyone orphaned by the blast, but everyone threw spitballs at them and then stuffed them in a locker.

[Zhang Fei]

As conservative parties go, the GOP is a bust. It can't even conserve little girls' rooms (i.e. keep chicks with d**ks out). As someone on a right-wing forum wrote: "You ‘conservative pundits’ still don’t get it. Trump isn’t our candidate, he’s our murder weapon, and the GOP is our victim”."

[Red Badger]

The GOP is dead to me........................

[kiryandil]

I estimate that small government conservatives are 25% of the consistent voting public [19% voted Perot in 1992, DESPITE all the Media-Uniparty-Deep State dirty tricks, which President Trump has shown us to be real things].

Wait'll these Repukes get a load of the Woke Twenty Five Percent...

[wildcard_redneck]

"You ‘conservative pundits’ still don’t get it. Trump isn’t our candidate, he’s our murder weapon, and the GOP is our victim."

Yup.

The GOP just could not rise to the challenge of actual long doing what they always said that they wanted to do. The fake party is dead. Time to start a new one.

[Red Badger]

There should be a ton of GOP PRIMARIES in 2022, HOUSE AND SENATE!.............. Wipe them ALL OUT!.....................

[Levy78]

GOP committed suicide...

[kiryandil]

The "Free Beer Tomorrow" RepubliGimps.

"Vote us in! We'll fight the Democrats tomorrow!"

[Delta 21]

[dead]

Some things need blowing up.

[kiryandil]

And if we don't get them in the primaries, get them in the general.

Whatever it takes.

[OttawaFreeper]

Many GOP were quite happy at this time in 1989 when Reagan was getting ready to leave and their “real” man was ready to take office.

[Mathews]

I though the Bee was supposed to be parody?

[PGalt]

Bees are TRUE. Existence Exists. BL M.

[jetson]

This new presidency will implode within a year. Just keep your extra food and survival goods up to stock.

[dfwgator]

I know it’s satire, but now we have the worst of all worlds.

We have, for all intents and purposes a one-party dictatorship, but the GOP serves as the whipping boy, that is used to shift blame for everything that goes wrong.

[Trumplican]

The Republican party has been screwing us over for decades.

This election was a mess and everyone from Republican state legislatures to the federal reps, say go F ourselves.

I’m for Trump, not for republicans.

I voted for republicans for a chance at more support for Trump.

We needed Trump in 2008. Obama put his deep state commies in control of everything.

We are screwed.

[wildcard_redneck]

"Free Beer Tomorrow" RepubliGimps".

You nailed it.

[mad_as_he$$]

Good Idea. Who is going to work their butts off to organize the effort? It will take thousands of very dedicated people to mount an effort of that scale.

[Zhang Fei]

[Yup.

The GOP just could not rise to the challenge of actual long doing what they always said that they wanted to do. The fake party is dead. Time to start a new one. ]

---

Sure - inside the carcass of the existing one. Saves a bunch of money on stationery. Killing the existing party means eliminating RINOs like Graham and Kinsinger during party primaries, and replacing them with people who will get with the program. No real point in becoming another irrelevant party that does nothing but act as a spoiler in the general. One Libertarian Party is enough.

[jdsteel]

When did Babylon Bee change from a satirical site to reporting actual news???