Posted on 12/11/2020 8:56:41 AM PST by Colonial35
Lie Detecting Robot A father buys a lie detecting robot that slaps a person when he lies. He decides to test it out on his son at supper. Where were you last night? I was at the library. The robot slaps the son. Okay, I was at a friend’s house. Doing what? asks the father. Watching ‘Toy Story’. The robot slaps the son. Okay, it was porn! cries the son. The father yells, What? When I was your age, I didn’t know what porn was! The robot slaps the father. The mother laughs and says, He certainly is your son! The robot slaps the mother. ROBOT FOR SALE!
A Missouri farmer in his pickup, drove to a neighbor’s, and knocked at the door.
A boy, about 9, opened the door.
Is your Dad home? No sir, he isn’t; he went to town.
Well, is your Mother here? No sir, she went to town with Dad.
How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?
No sir, He went with Mom and Dad.
The rancher stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other,
and mumbling to himself. Is there anything I can do for you?
I know where all the tools are, if you want to borrow one,
or I can give dad a message.
Well, said the rancher uncomfortably, I really wanted to talk to your Dad.
It’s about your brother Howard getting my daughter, Suzie, pregnant.
The boy thought for a moment. You would have to talk to Dad about that.
I know he charges $500 for the bull and $50 for the hog,
but I don’t know how much he charges for Howard.
- I got invited to a party and was told to dress to kill. Apparently a turban, beard and a backpack wasn't what they had in mind.
- After a night of drink, drugs and wild sex, Jim woke up to find himself next to a really ugly woman. That's when he realized he had made it home safely.
- "ITS A BOY" he shouted. "A BOY, I DON'T BELIEVE IT, ITS A BOY". And with tears streaming down his face he swore he'd never visit another Thai Brothel!
- Sailing results are in, Great Britain took gold, USA took silver and Somalia took a Middle aged couple from Weymouth.
- A young man asks his Granny, 'Have you seen my pills, they were labeled LSD?' Granny replies, 'screw the pills, have you seen the dragons in the kitchen?'
- I've accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles. My next crap could spell disaster.
How’s his brother corporate doing.?
About 25 years ago I was giving a presentation to my company's management. I lost my train of thought in mid sentence. Someone said something very similar. Everyone had a good laugh and I was able to gather my thoughts and continue. That was much better than a, "Well? We're waiting!"
6. It was a whole lot easier to get older, than it was to get wiser.
Yes.
It did. It was a seven pointer. Now I have about 60 pounds of venison jerky.
LOL. Now I’m hungry.
from Marty & Mrs.
I wasn`t allowed to say anything to start with, but I volunteered for the vaccine trials for Covid-19, held at the Mayo Clinic research center in Fountain Hills. This particular vaccine is the one that has been developed in Russia. I received my first jab yesterday at 12pm and I wanted to let you all know that it’s completely safe, with иo side effects whatsoeveя, and that I feelshκι я чувствую себя немного странно и я думаю, что вытащил ослиные уши. чувствую себя немного странно.
l8r
I feel a little weird and I think I pulled out the donkey ears. feel a little weird.
WINNER WINNER CHICKEN думаю !!
Thank you, comrade.
😁 funny!
Along the lines of that joke, I heard this from my wife yesterday....
I saw once that if you put 2 capfuls of vanilla in a cup and put it a hot oven for an hour, it’ll make your house smell wonderful.
I mis-read the directions as two CUPS of vanilla. My house smelled like the Pillsbury Doughboy’s a$$hole for three days.
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