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Cowboy: "Give me 3 packets of condoms, please."

Cashier: "Do you need a paper bag with that, sir?"

Cowboy: "Nah...She's purty good lookin'....."

When you are over seventy who gives a sh*t

***********

Some asshole looked at my beer belly last night and sarcastically said, "Is that Corona or Bud?"

I said, "There's a tap underneath; taste it and find out."

When you are over seventy who gives a sh*t?

***********

I was talking to a girl in the bar last night. She said, "If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look all right."

I said, "If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you."

When you are over seventy who gives a sh**t?

***********

I was telling a girl in the pub about my ability to guess what day a woman was born just by feeling her boobs.

"Really" she said, "Go on then...try."

After about thirty seconds of fondling she began to lose patience and said, "Come on, what day was I born?"

I said, "Yesterday."

When you are over seventy who gives a sh*t?

***********

I got caught taking a pee in the swimming pool today.

The lifeguard shouted at me so loud, I nearly fell in.

When you are over seventy who gives a sh*t?

***********

I went to the pub last night and saw a fat chick dancing on a table. I said, "Great legs."

The girl giggled and said, "Do you really think so."

I said, "Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now."

When you are over seventy who gives a sh*t?

1 posted on 12/08/2020 4:42:13 AM PST by sodpoodle
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To: sodpoodle

LMAO !


2 posted on 12/08/2020 4:45:27 AM PST by Covenantor (We are ruled...by liars who refuse them news, and by fools who can not govern. " Chesterton)
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To: sodpoodle

Ping for later. good stuff


3 posted on 12/08/2020 4:50:50 AM PST by grb
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To: sodpoodle; Chode

Great way to start the day.


4 posted on 12/08/2020 5:03:52 AM PST by mabarker1 ((Congress- the opposite of PROGRESS!!! A fraud, a hypocrite, a liar. I'm a member of Congress !!!!)
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To: sodpoodle

An Irish joke without alcohol involved!.................


5 posted on 12/08/2020 5:05:52 AM PST by Red Badger ( “The goal of socialism is communism.”... Vladimir Lenin)
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To: sodpoodle

Hahahahahaha! Love it!


6 posted on 12/08/2020 5:17:16 AM PST by rlmorel ("I’d rather enjoy a risky freedom than a safe servitude." Robby Dinero, USMC Veteran, Gym Owner)
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To: sodpoodle

Good stuff


7 posted on 12/08/2020 5:19:46 AM PST by HANG THE EXPENSE (Life's tough.It's tougher when you're stupid.)
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To: sodpoodle

Good laughs to start Tuesday morning! Thanks!


8 posted on 12/08/2020 5:22:07 AM PST by Rummyfan (In any war between the civilized man and the savage, support the civilized man. Support Israel.d)
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To: sodpoodle
Confusus say baseball is lie. Man with four balls can't walk.
9 posted on 12/08/2020 5:23:54 AM PST by deadrock (<img src="WIDTH420WIDTH420.jpeg" width="420">)
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To: sodpoodle

Lol!


10 posted on 12/08/2020 5:38:03 AM PST by Huskrrrr
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To: sodpoodle

Roflmao


11 posted on 12/08/2020 6:38:20 AM PST by Daveinyork
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To: sodpoodle

Thank you!


12 posted on 12/08/2020 6:44:41 AM PST by Dacula (Don't NY - MY GA!)
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To: sodpoodle
Usually, I only tell this joke on St Paddys day but for this thread I'll make an exception. What is the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish wake? One less drunk.
14 posted on 12/08/2020 7:14:04 AM PST by Phlap (REDNECK@LIBARTS.EDU)
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To: sodpoodle

LOL - Bump!


16 posted on 12/08/2020 8:41:57 AM PST by Enterprise
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To: sodpoodle
LOL :)


17 posted on 12/08/2020 8:54:31 AM PST by Magnum44 (My comprehensive terrorism plan: Hunt them down and kill them.)
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To: sodpoodle
I was telling a girl in the pub about my ability to guess what day a woman was born just by feeling her boobs.

I had a bit too much to drink one night in my local tav and started to fondle the boobs of woman next to me

'BOMBAY! BOMBAY!!! COME IN BOMBAY!!!!" I shouted as I fondled them in a left and right motion.

"What The HELL do you think you are doing???!!!", she shrieked as she pulled away.

I replied: "Just trying to get India. BOMBAY! BOMBAY!!! COME IN......."

18 posted on 12/08/2020 8:55:00 AM PST by llevrok (Mayberry was a CIA front.)
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