Posted on 10/24/2020 4:30:35 AM PDT by sodpoodle
A physician claimed that the following are actual comments made by his patients (predominately male) while he was performing their colonoscopies:
1. 'Take it easy, Doc. You're boldly going where no man has gone before!'
2. 'Find Amelia Earhart yet?'
3. 'Can you hear me NOW?'
4. 'Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?'
5. 'You know, in Arkansas , we're now legally married.'
6. 'Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?'
7. 'You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out...'
8. 'Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!'
9. 'If your hand doesn't fit, you must quit!'
10. 'Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity.'
11. 'You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?'
12. 'God, now I know why I am not gay.'
And the best one of all:
13.. 'Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up there?
We had a guy in the neighborhood that was a mechanic and sort of a naturalist and did not like doctors. One time he got a mirror and knife did his own hemorrhoid surgery. This was back in the 70s and yes is a true story.
One time he got a mirror and knife did his own hemorrhoid surgery. “
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No more expensive doctors and long hospital stays. Get the Ronco, Do It Yourself Surgery Kit for just 12 easy payments of $24.99..”
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I did mine in 2018. Ask for Suprep. It’s no where near as much liquid to drink. Tastes like nasty cherry cough syrup. Key: chill thoroughly and use a big straw so you don’t really taste it. Chase with yellow Gatorade. The day before, eat sparingly and clear foods and it’s a breeze.
When on the pot, use flushable wipes and Desenex. Helps.
The actual procedure ask for propofol. You know, the Michael Jackson drug. Into the twilight and wake up in another room.
Then go out and get a triple Whataburger with cheese.
You can eat gummy bears too, just not the red ones. It was better than drinking liquids all day.
I cant drink it so I did it from a shot glass with a salt lick after.
Told my dr what I did and she suggested a beer chaser. Life changer.
I generally don't react well to anesthesia - violent nausea and such. Whatever they gave me for the two I've had though - that's the stuff. Out like a light and came around instantly wide awake and clear headed.
I had no bad side effects, and being out for it means the prep is the worst part. That stuff just tastes nasty, no two ways about it. Of course the effect the prep has on you is obviously somewhat unpleasant too.
I’ve had three over the last 20 yrs or so. Not a big deal as far
as I am concerned. Just prepare for a few hours sitting on the
commode. The procedure wasn’t bad and you get to look at
some of your internals as they browse around snipping. The
last one I had was my last as they don’t continue doing the
procedure after you become one of the old folks.
Someone also saw him hitting himself in the head with a wrench when he had apparently made a mechanic mistake.
The female nurse constantly was reassuring me that it didnt hurt.
I asked her exactly how she knew that and when was the date of her last prostate needling.
Needless to say, It was “on” after that.
The female nurse constantly was reassuring me that it didnt hurt.
I asked her exactly how she knew that and when was the date of her last prostate needling.
Needless to say, It was “on” after that.
I told the doctor, “This is the easiest part of the whole process,” after they had wheeled me into the procedure room and yep, turn on your side, oxygen canula in the nosey, all comfy. “Now, knock me out, I’m soooo ready for a nice nap.”
He must have been super crazy and crazy tough.
I can’t imagine cutting on my own body except in dire emergency.
Due to a family history of colon cancer I have the steel eel up the bum every five years. The prep is the worst, though my current doctor uses two small bottles of magnesium citrate rather than the gallon of that nasty stuff. You can sip lemon lime soda to ease the nasty taste. A soft diet for a couple of days then a liquid diet for two days before your cleanse helps a lot. Due to a kink in my colon that sometimes can’t be navigated I have also had a barium enema. Definitely check your dignity at the door if you are unfortunate enough to have this done. I lost my mother to colon cancer ...she never wanted a colonoscopy. Just get it done if you are over 50 or your doctor recommends having it done.
Yep, it was. Been there several times.
I’m never `out’ during a colonoscopy; I just notice that the clock on the wall says 12:15, then suddenly it says 1:00 p.m.
Then the nurse tells me I can’t leave until I expel the gas. One time I let one go that was EPIC; should have made youtube. I believe I heard applause.
As for prep, Dave Barry said prep enables your colon to time travel as it is excreting waste from food you haven’t even eaten yet.
“it saved my life when they found colon cancer. I strongly recommend “
My friend’s procedure was cancelled due to WuFlu. She is dying because they weren’t able to diagnose the problem. Her chemo is supposed to end in December, but I wonder if she’ll be here then. (Thank you, Fauci.)
Sounds familiar and similar.
I somehow don’t feel the need.
I do watch the psa though.
I was as high as a kite when I woke up. Seriously I didn’t get my first scope until I was 67. If I had know what it was really like without the horror stories I would not have waited so long.
Haven’t had one yet but I should.
A few years ago a woman here sued a doctor and I was on the jury.
She had the pills and suffered kidney damage.
Some tips if anyone has to or wants to take the pills over the nasty drinks.
Drink the amount of water as directed.
If prone to dehydration - drink more water.
Read and understand the Black Box Warning.
Ask questions of the doctor or pharmacy if needed.
We found for the doctor 10-2.
Yep.
And even that is not so bad anymore.
The drugs they give you are very good as in you feel no pain. Not so good in my case as they apparently have a tendency to attach my brain to my mouth with no filter in between.
What ever errant thought happens to cross my mind is going to tumble out of my mouth.
The nurses and my husband found it amusing.
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