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Catholic Vocabulary
email | 7/21/2020 | unknown

Posted on 07/22/2020 4:23:14 AM PDT by sodpoodle

AMEN: The only part of a prayer that everyone knows.

BULLETIN: Your receipt for attending Mass.

CHOIR A group of people whose singing allows the rest of the Parish to lip-sync.

HOLY WATER: A liquid whose chemical formula is H2OLY.

HYMN: A song of praise usually sung in a key three octaves higher than that of the congregation's range.

RECESSIONAL HYMN: The last song at Mass often sung a little more quietly, since most of the people have already left.

INCENSE: Holy Smoke!

JESUITS: An order of priests known for their ability to find colleges with good basketball teams.

JONAH: The original 'Jaws' story.

JUSTICE: When kids have kids of their own.

KYRIE ELEISON: The only Greek words that most Catholics can recognize besides gyros and baklava. (For you non-Catholics, it means Lord have mercy.)

MAGI: The most famous trio to attend a baby shower.

MANGER [sic]: Where Mary gave birth to Jesus because Joseph wasn't covered by an HMO.

(The Bible's way of showing us that holiday travel has always been rough.)

PEW: A medieval torture device still found in Catholic churches.

PROCESSION: The ceremonial formation at the beginning of Mass consisting of altar servers,the celebrant, and late parishioners looking for seats.

RECESSIONAL: The ceremonial procession at the conclusion of Mass led by parishioners trying to beat the crowd to the parking lot.

RELICS: People who have been going to Mass for so long, they actually know when to sit, kneel, and stand.

TEN COMMANDMENTS: The most important Top Ten list not given by David Letterman.

USHERS: The only people in the parish who don't know the seating capacity of a pew.

Little known facts about the Catholic Church in Las Vegas : There are more churches in Las Vegas than casinos. During Sunday services at the offertory, some worshipers contribute casino chips as opposed to cash. Some are sharing their winnings - some are hoping to win. Since they get chips from so many different casinos, and they are worth money, the Catholic churches are required to send all the chips into the diocese for sorting. Once sorted into the respective casino chips, one junior priest takes the chips and makes the rounds to the casinos turning chips into cash. And he, of course, is known as The Chip Monk..


TOPICS: Humor; Religion
KEYWORDS: educational
Learn a language
1 posted on 07/22/2020 4:23:15 AM PDT by sodpoodle
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To: sodpoodle

Had to come home with a bulletin to prove to mom and dad I went to church :)

Unfortunately sometimes they were too easy to get.


2 posted on 07/22/2020 4:31:37 AM PDT by dp0622 (Trump!!)
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To: sodpoodle
KYRIE ELEISON: The only Greek words that most Catholics can recognize besides gyros and baklava.

While this may offend some fellow Catholics, I believe we all know the word ouzo, too.


3 posted on 07/22/2020 4:36:27 AM PDT by DoodleBob (Gravity's waiting period is about 9.8 m/s^2)
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To: sodpoodle
JESUITS: An order of priests known for their ability to find colleges with good basketball teams.

That's a keeper!

4 posted on 07/22/2020 5:05:05 AM PDT by Oratam
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To: sodpoodle

I wonder the ratio of churches/bars in New Orleans?! Since there are both on the same block all over town!


5 posted on 07/22/2020 5:15:57 AM PDT by DeplorableGirl
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To: Oratam

St. Ignatius Layup.


6 posted on 07/22/2020 5:48:50 AM PDT by Lonesome in Massachussets ("Women's intuition" gave us the Salem witch trials and Kavanaugh hearings. Change my mind.)
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To: Lonesome in Massachussets

St. Ignatius Layup University


7 posted on 07/22/2020 8:01:11 AM PDT by Lonesome in Massachussets ("Women's intuition" gave us the Salem witch trials and Kavanaugh hearings. Change my mind.)
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