Trump Generously Offers To Give Biden 30-Minute Head Start On All Debate Responses (satire)

Babylon Bee ^ | July 01 2020

[knighthawk]

WASHINGTON, D.C.—There has been talk about canceling the Trump-Biden debates, since Biden might have trouble competing with Trump's scathing wit and daunting intellect, or at least might just have trouble stringing together sentences. But Trump, being generous in demeanor and full of grace, has offered to give Biden a full 30-minute head start on all debate responses.

The president made the offer at a press conference this morning.

"We want this to be a fair fight," he said. "Biden can go ahead and take an extra thirty minutes. Heck, he could take an extra hour. I'm very tough to debate against, very tough. I talk circles around people. Literal circles. It's really remarkable. And by the way, talking circles, that was my phrase. I made that up. It's one of mine."

"Anyway, we want Sleepy Joe to be able to get at least one thought out, so it's only fair."

The Biden campaign says the debate would still be unfair, since it's unlikely that Biden could stand up and talk coherently for the full thirty minutes that Trump is offering him anyway.

[quilterdebbie]

I love Babylon Bee. Another good one.

[JudyinCanada]

That’s what Donna Brazile gave Hitlery, more or less. Thankfully, it didn’t help her.

[GoldenPup]

Debates won’t happen. Dims will find some Bullshit excuse to duck them.

[Liz]

I hear several EMS units have graciously agreed to stand by with cutting edge resuscitation equipment
and skilled diverse operators .........should Mr Biden require emergency measures during the debate.

[Liz]

I hear several EMS units have graciously agreed to stand by with cutting edge resuscitation equipment
and skilled diverse operators .........should Mr Biden require emergency measures during the debate.

[Liz]

I hear several EMS units have graciously agreed to stand by with cutting edge resuscitation equipment
and skilled diverse operators .........should Mr Biden require emergency measures during the debate.

[Liz]

The Right Rev Patrick O'Flynn is being asked to stand by to administer the last rites to Mr Biden
should he be asked any questions on the subject of China, Ukraine .......
and Obama's official foreign policy acts during Hunter Biden's 29 trips to recipients of American foreign aid.

[cnsmom]

Have they even found moderators dumb enough to commit career suicide by hosting these corrupt debates.

[Terry L Smith]

Are....you ... sure ... that, that ...is ..enough?

[enumerated]

“Debates won’t happen. Dims will find some Bullshit excuse to duck them.“

I seriously doubt that, but if the Dems do duck the debates, that’s fine with me - it is the challenger who needs debates - not the incumbent.

The ONLY reason an incumbent needs to agree to debate, is because if he doesn’t, the challenger can paint him as weak and afraid. But the debate itself can only help the challenger and hurt the incumbent.

Despite the fake news polls showing Biden ahead, the incumbent is heavily favored to win unless there is a game changer. For the challenger, the debates are an opportunity to get that game changer - either a devastating debate zinger, or get the incumbent to stumble and make an awful gaffe.

So if Joe Biden ducks the debates (which I doubt) that’s a win-win for Trump. Not only can he avoid the risk of a game changer, but he isn’t the one who chickened out.