Warren Returns To Tribe In Shame After Failing To Take Land Back From The Pale Faces

Babylon Bee ^ | 03/05/2020 | Babylon Bee

[BipolarBob]

CHEROKEE NATION—Having dropped out of the presidential race, Elizabeth Warren rode in solitude back to her reservation, having failed to take the land back from the pale faces.

"I am sorry, my people. I have failed," she said somberly, a single tear rolling down her cheek. "The white man still holds our land, and the very trees cry out against them. May Great Spirit grant us another chance in 4 harvests." The Cherokee people looked confused, so she clarified: "That means years according to the Indian talk book I picked up."

The Cherokee expressed mixed emotions at seeing Warren return, from "Who are you?" to "How many times do we have to tell you that if you're not gonna play some slots at the casino, then you're gonna need to leave?"

Warren nodded, accepting her banishment from her once-great place among the Cherokee people. "I accept my punishment and vow never to return until the sun once again never sets on the Cherokee Nation. As I depart, let me simply ask you if you have ever heard the wolf cry to the blue corn moon? Or asked the grinning bobcat why he grins?"

"Wait, now you're just quoting Pocahontas," one tribal security guard said. "Alright, lady, let's go. The buffet is having crab legs tonight but other than that you're gonna have to scram."

At publishing time, Warren had sought advice from Grandmother Willow as to who it is that she should endorse.

[jmacusa]

Princess Gray Beaver say “From where sun now stands me no seekum to be Big Chief in Big White Teepee no more. Forever’’.

[trebb]

Love “The Bee”

[gogeo]

Excellent.

[Zakeet]

Me Cherokee princess name of Gray Beaver ... you heap right right about squaw ... me go back to reservation ... me play much with grand papooses ... me watch Democrap war council on magic box ... me wait until pow wow break-em down like deer herd scattered by wolves ... me then throw pledged braves to either Crazy Commie or Brain-Dead-Vice-Chief ... it depend on who make best bribe to squaw ... me want to be on ticket with old farts heap bad ... one of them take-em deal ... me have last Ha Ha when codger go to happy hunting ground ... then me be big chief ... me pander to minorities heap much ... me take fire sticks away from white man ... me destroy country ... then Freeper no more laugh at squaw ... !!

[dsc]

“She couldn’t even get traction in OK (formerly Indian Territory)”

Seems like everyone in OK wants to claim some Indian blood.

Real Indians are not amused by this.

[miserare]

ROFL!

What an image!

[miserare]

Stop it!

I am about to bust a gut laughing.

[T-Bird45]

There are more Indians in OK than any other state, based upon tribal membership rolls. Each tribe controls who can be on their rolls by federal law. As to “real Indians” and what amuses them, please provide a definition and example.

By way of full disclosure, I’m not an enrolled member of any tribe. I’ve lived in OK since the age of 17 (now 65) and that time has been divided between areas assigned for tribal relocation in the 19th Century and central OK which was originally known as the Unassigned Lands. Those Unassigned Lands were the ones settled by the various “land rush” events of the late 19th Century.

[dsc]

I lived in OK from 9mos until I was 23.

It never occurred to me that it was in any way unusual that I had Indians in my classes, or that about half the guys in our group were Indians.

I never knew it was unusual that I drank and played pool at Indian bars, or that my best pool-shooting buddy was a full-blooded Kiowa Apache.

None of those people would have thought my use of “real Indians” was unusual. Pretty much means somebody who has enough Indian blood that he looks Indian, or can prove his Indian background with paperwork.

[T-Bird45]

Contradiction in your definition as there are plenty of people with paperwork who you would look at and not be able to state their heritage simply by looks. That’s because of the rule I noted earlier on federal law allowing each tribe to determine who they will put on their rolls.

When I moved to OK in 1972, I lived in Osage County, home to the tribe of the same name. I had plenty of classmates/neighbors with clear Indian heritage by their appearance and/or their name. A 100% Osage was not unknown at that time but it is a lesser population now. Today, I live in the Tulsa area where primarily three traditional tribal areas come together: Osage, Cherokee, Muscogee-Creek. The Cherokee group is spread through NE OK with a fairly broad qualification standard for their rolls so quite a few people claim that heritage.

[dsc]

“Contradiction in your definition as there are plenty of people with paperwork who you would look at and not be able to state their heritage simply by looks.”

Really? You want to argue about that? Start by rereading what I wrote. I said looks **or** paperwork. I knew a guy who was 50% Sioux and had red hair and freckles.

And I’m not talking about rolls. Back in 1956, when I started school, nobody talked about rolls. You knew who was an Indian by who looked Indian. Only thing, if you didn’t look Indian and you wanted to claim it, you had to back it up some other way.

Can’t remember too much of that. One time, this kid named Parker said to some kids, “This is my father, grandson of Quanah Parker. Tell him I’m not an Indian.”

There were no takers. (To be fair, his dad was a really scary looking dude.)

All this political stuff with who’s on the rolls and who’s not started when money entered the picture.