Skip to comments.Warren Returns To Tribe In Shame After Failing To Take Land Back From The Pale Faces
Posted on 03/05/2020 6:02:54 PM PST by BipolarBob
CHEROKEE NATIONHaving dropped out of the presidential race, Elizabeth Warren rode in solitude back to her reservation, having failed to take the land back from the pale faces.
"I am sorry, my people. I have failed," she said somberly, a single tear rolling down her cheek. "The white man still holds our land, and the very trees cry out against them. May Great Spirit grant us another chance in 4 harvests." The Cherokee people looked confused, so she clarified: "That means years according to the Indian talk book I picked up."
The Cherokee expressed mixed emotions at seeing Warren return, from "Who are you?" to "How many times do we have to tell you that if you're not gonna play some slots at the casino, then you're gonna need to leave?"
Warren nodded, accepting her banishment from her once-great place among the Cherokee people. "I accept my punishment and vow never to return until the sun once again never sets on the Cherokee Nation. As I depart, let me simply ask you if you have ever heard the wolf cry to the blue corn moon? Or asked the grinning bobcat why he grins?"
"Wait, now you're just quoting Pocahontas," one tribal security guard said. "Alright, lady, let's go. The buffet is having crab legs tonight but other than that you're gonna have to scram."
At publishing time, Warren had sought advice from Grandmother Willow as to who it is that she should endorse.
He he he
Did she happen to mention that the beads they had previously made by hand - are now-a-days made in Japan?
She picked up one delegate in Indian Territory, two in North Carolina and 1 in Tennessee. That’s 4 delegates from Cherokee territory. And Georgia will report in later this month.
The Cherokee expressed mixed emotions at seeing Warren return, from “Who are you?”
Pow wow, Sweat lodge.
.. Must consult the great spirits.
She will walk a 1,000 miles barefooted and will be shunned except by those throwing old shoes at her.
Nice job, princess gray beaver. For your consolation prize you now get to live the rest of your life as a laughingstock and the butt of endless jokes.
Are those tears I see upon the high cheekbones of Princess Rain-in-the-face?
May the fleas of a thousand bison infest her travois until that great day arrives when she goes to the Happy Hunting Ground.
Hey! Gray beaver! The tribe took up a collection for some new clothes for you. Please burn black leotard.
Me-um thinkum Crockajawea chapped from loincloth. Dance around lodge pole too long.
No smokeum peace pipe. Chief Running Mouth talkum soon about sexism.
Me-um plug-em ears. Sound-em like every brave’s first squaw.
Her constant smoke signals are polluting the air everywhere.
Gray Feather head too big for buffalo hat and white man dump truck, need invest many fire water, and take long journey to Mexican avocado smokes.
Always love the Bee and this satire is top-shelf, especially the casino references. She couldn’t even get traction in OK (formerly Indian Territory), finished third on Super Tuesday.
Squaw could have played the slots with some of the pay-off Wampum she took for surrendering to the white man.
You should have to resign your senate seat to run for President.
Gray Beaver says she will return in four harvests and make all white man pay.
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